Been at work for a few hours, just rolling through all my stuff. And I get a phone call from my dad.
Now, as some know since I've talked about my extended family at length, I adore talking with and spending time with my family. I just love my family. So I settled into my chair to talk with my dad about whatever he's got to say, usually it's something about the kids or the garden or my mom.
My dad called to say that my four year old nephew, the youngest son of one of my cousins, drowned yesterday at a neighborhood pool. We just saw my nephew and I'm stunned and not sure what to do right now. Ray is reeling with the news. Ray totally loved rough-playing with this nephew.
I have no clue how this could have happened and it was something preventable so I have conflicting feelings of anger and sadness right now.
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I'm so sorry to hear that, Thumb.
It just takes a minute of inattention.
It just takes a minute of inattention.
In a time of universal deceit, telling the truth is a revolutionary act.
Sorry for your loss Thumb, that's really sad. :(
Nexa
Nexa
“It has always been the prerogative of children and half-wits to point out that the emperor has no clothes. But a half-wit remains a half-wit, and the emperor remains an emperor.â€
― Neil Gaiman, The Sandman, Vol. 9: The Kindly Ones
― Neil Gaiman, The Sandman, Vol. 9: The Kindly Ones
oh Thumb I am so sorry to hear that. Big hugs out to you and yours. Go home and cuddle your babies
Oh dear, Thumb. I am so sorry to hear that. It really is amazing what can happen in just a few seconds.
Very sad. =(
Very sad. =(
What's bred in the bone will not out of the flesh.
So sorry for your loss Thumb,
This is awful.
My dad called to say that my four year old nephew, the youngest son of one of my cousins,
This isn't important, but this makes him your second cousin, not your nephew.
Let us know how this could have happened. Was he alone?
My dad called to say that my four year old nephew, the youngest son of one of my cousins,
This isn't important, but this makes him your second cousin, not your nephew.
Let us know how this could have happened. Was he alone?
Disclaimer:
To make a long story short, I don't take any responsibility for anything I post here. It's not news, it's not truth, it's not serious. It's parody. It's satire. It's bitter. It's angsty. Your mother's a *****. You like to jack off dogs. That's right, you heard me. You like to grab that dog by the bone and rub it like a ski pole. Your dad? Gay. Your priest? Straight. **** off and let me post. It's not true, it's all in good fun. Now go away.
To make a long story short, I don't take any responsibility for anything I post here. It's not news, it's not truth, it's not serious. It's parody. It's satire. It's bitter. It's angsty. Your mother's a *****. You like to jack off dogs. That's right, you heard me. You like to grab that dog by the bone and rub it like a ski pole. Your dad? Gay. Your priest? Straight. **** off and let me post. It's not true, it's all in good fun. Now go away.
Smasharoo wrote:
This is awful.
My dad called to say that my four year old nephew, the youngest son of one of my cousins,
This isn't important, but this makes him your second cousin, not your nephew.
Let us know how this could have happened. Was he alone?
My dad called to say that my four year old nephew, the youngest son of one of my cousins,
This isn't important, but this makes him your second cousin, not your nephew.
Let us know how this could have happened. Was he alone?
I know technically that's the way it should be, but in the Filipino-sense, generations and age difference are counted more in that respect.
Details are still forthcoming in this, but to avoid the family drama that has arisen so far, he was with his mom at the community pool and it looks like with the crowd and everything that day at the pool, she didn't have a direct line of sight with him at all times.
Edited, Sep 2nd 2008 12:20pm by Thumbelyna
I'm so very sorry for your loss Thumb.
Edited, Sep 2nd 2008 2:38pm by Katie
Edited, Sep 2nd 2008 2:38pm by Katie
So sorry to hear that Thumb
"I started out with nothin' and I still got most of it left" - Seasick Steve
Omg, that's so terrible.
Nothing but my best wishes and support for you and your family.
Nothing but my best wishes and support for you and your family.
/sad
"If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you're gonna get selfish, ignorant leaders". Carlin.
*hugs*
And give your babies extra hugs from us too.
And give your babies extra hugs from us too.
Smasharoo wrote:
My dad called to say that my four year old nephew, the youngest son of one of my cousins,
This isn't important, but this makes him your second cousin, not your nephew.
More unimportant stuff:
Actually, it still makes them first cousins.
Siblings have a common parent.
First Cousins have a common grandparent.
Second Cousins have a common great grandparent.
Etc.
The difference in generation is where the "removed" comes into play.
So your first cousins' children would be your first cousins once removed.
Can't sleep, clown will eat me.
My sympathies are with your family, Thumb.
Something very similar happened to the family of a friend of mine when I was in junior high. Her younger brother was an accomplished swimmer and they had a pool of their own at home, but while he was swimming in a neighbor's pool, he hit his head on the bottom and lost consciousness.
Almost inevitably, the happened while the neighbor who was supervising them had to duck inside to answer the phone. When she emerged just a moment later, he was still underwater. My aunt, with whom I was living at the time, was called over to perform CPR until the ambulance arrived, but it was too late.
There's just no such thing as "just an instant" when it comes to kids being out from under supervision around pools. I'm so sorry for your cousin.
Something very similar happened to the family of a friend of mine when I was in junior high. Her younger brother was an accomplished swimmer and they had a pool of their own at home, but while he was swimming in a neighbor's pool, he hit his head on the bottom and lost consciousness.
Almost inevitably, the happened while the neighbor who was supervising them had to duck inside to answer the phone. When she emerged just a moment later, he was still underwater. My aunt, with whom I was living at the time, was called over to perform CPR until the ambulance arrived, but it was too late.
There's just no such thing as "just an instant" when it comes to kids being out from under supervision around pools. I'm so sorry for your cousin.
TirithRR wrote:
Smasharoo wrote:
My dad called to say that my four year old nephew, the youngest son of one of my cousins,
This isn't important, but this makes him your second cousin, not your nephew.
More unimportant stuff:
Actually, it still makes them first cousins.
Siblings have a common parent.
First Cousins have a common grandparent.
Second Cousins have a common great grandparent.
Etc.
The difference in generation is where the "removed" comes into play.
So your first cousins' children would be your first cousins once removed.
Sounds like Thumb's family may use the Hawaiian kinship system, or some variation thereof.
So even though the child was the son of what we would call her cousin, in that kinship system, her cousin is actually considered her sister, and therefore her cousin's child would be her nephew.
Edited, Sep 2nd 2008 6:14pm by Ambrya
Ambrya wrote:
TirithRR wrote:
Smasharoo wrote:
My dad called to say that my four year old nephew, the youngest son of one of my cousins,
This isn't important, but this makes him your second cousin, not your nephew.
More unimportant stuff:
Actually, it still makes them first cousins.
Siblings have a common parent.
First Cousins have a common grandparent.
Second Cousins have a common great grandparent.
Etc.
The difference in generation is where the "removed" comes into play.
So your first cousins' children would be your first cousins once removed.
Sounds like Thumb's family may use the Hawaiian kinship system, or some variation thereof.
So even though the child was the son of what we would call her cousin, in that kinship system, her cousin is actually considered her sister, and therefore her cousin's child would be her nephew.
Edited, Sep 2nd 2008 6:14pm by Ambrya
Perhaps, but it may be a much simpler "family elders are aunts and uncles" set up. I had a step-grandfather that we all called "uncle"...of course, he was German. Filthy Germans.
Nexa
“It has always been the prerogative of children and half-wits to point out that the emperor has no clothes. But a half-wit remains a half-wit, and the emperor remains an emperor.â€
― Neil Gaiman, The Sandman, Vol. 9: The Kindly Ones
― Neil Gaiman, The Sandman, Vol. 9: The Kindly Ones
Nexa wrote:
Perhaps, but it may be a much simpler "family elders are aunts and uncles" set up. I had a step-grandfather that we all called "uncle"...of course, he was German. Filthy Germans.
Nexa
True. I zeroed in on the Hawaiian system because she mentioned her family being Filipino, and that particular system is common to Polynesian cultures.
Nexa wrote:
Perhaps, but it may be a much simpler "family elders are aunts and uncles" set up. I had a step-grandfather that we all called "uncle"...of course, he was German. Filthy Germans.
Nexa
Nexa
My younger cousins, just learning to talk, usually refer to me as Uncle just because they see me as an adult who isn't their mother/father. It's usually pointless to try to explain to them that we are actually cousins, they understand eventually when they get older and hear me call their mother "aunt".
Can't sleep, clown will eat me.
Its never easy with a death in the family, especially one so young. My condolences for your loss.
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Sorry for you and your family's loss, Christine - hug your cousin, too - no doubt she is beyond devastated right now.
'Lo, there do I see, the line of my people, back to the beginning, 'lo do they call to me, they bid me take my place among them, in the halls of Valhalla, where the brave...may live...forever.
X-Box 360 Gamer Tag - Smogster
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..... I'm so sorry.
Ack, rereading this I've started off in a way that's so pompous and condescending. I'm sorry. Thumbelyna, acknowleging your loss comes first. This death is a horrific personal tragedy, and I'm so sorry you have to do through the pain of it. You, your family, your cousins. The world loses out for not having your nephew in it any more.
As for the anger, it's a valid feeling.
There are no "wrong" emotions, (they are your emotional responses) there are only constructive or unconstructive physical reactions/actions as a consequence.
May I suggest that in the long run letting most people in your extended family know about your anger might be ultimately destructive in a way that you don't want to your extended family relationships, in the end. Let it out at home, privately, where your kid's can't see and perhaps pass it along when you don't want it passed along. Let your partner and perhaps some very trusted friends (who you can trust to not speak about it if you ask them not to) know how enraged you are.
This might help you restrain yourself around your cousin: No matter how much, you, Thumb, loved your nephew with all your heart, your pain, and NOTHING you can say or do for the rest of your life will match the constant self-blame and utter self-loathing that your cousin will go through for the rest of her life. Nothing you can say to her will cover more than she already knows about how much she was at fault. And she'll be really lucky if her partnership survives this. Even if her partner doesn't blame her, the stress and grief of losing a child to death breaks up most relationships when it happens.
As for you, I'm sad and I'm sorry that I can't walk up to you and give you a long, long hug. I can't really wish for your pain to be less than it is, because it's a measure of how deep your love for your nephew is. I can only hope for one day for your memory of him to be a source of joy or peace in your life, rather than the raging scar it is now.
My only experience with a death of someone close to me, it turned out that talking all about that person with someone who also loved her was the thing that consoled me most in the end.
So, I invite you, IF and when you are ready, to post here everything about your nephew that you can remember. I'm interested in it all.
What did he look like? What did he get dressed in? You visited him, and saw his in snapshots, so what were the markers of him growing up for you, and what were you there for? Did he paint? Climb things? What was he like when you held him? Was he quiet, or noisy? Energetic, or quiet? What were his favourite toys? What did he play with. Did he ever go to a parent's group? Did he have playfriends? Other children in the family his age he played with? Did he have any health problems? How was eating for him starting off? I'm sorry if these questions start you crying, but I'll ask them anyway, because he was real, and he was beautiful, and he was precious, and there are other people in the world who understand that, even if they'll never get to meet him.
Edited, Sep 3rd 2008 4:36am by Aripyanfar
As for the anger, it's a valid feeling.
There are no "wrong" emotions, (they are your emotional responses) there are only constructive or unconstructive physical reactions/actions as a consequence.
May I suggest that in the long run letting most people in your extended family know about your anger might be ultimately destructive in a way that you don't want to your extended family relationships, in the end. Let it out at home, privately, where your kid's can't see and perhaps pass it along when you don't want it passed along. Let your partner and perhaps some very trusted friends (who you can trust to not speak about it if you ask them not to) know how enraged you are.
This might help you restrain yourself around your cousin: No matter how much, you, Thumb, loved your nephew with all your heart, your pain, and NOTHING you can say or do for the rest of your life will match the constant self-blame and utter self-loathing that your cousin will go through for the rest of her life. Nothing you can say to her will cover more than she already knows about how much she was at fault. And she'll be really lucky if her partnership survives this. Even if her partner doesn't blame her, the stress and grief of losing a child to death breaks up most relationships when it happens.
As for you, I'm sad and I'm sorry that I can't walk up to you and give you a long, long hug. I can't really wish for your pain to be less than it is, because it's a measure of how deep your love for your nephew is. I can only hope for one day for your memory of him to be a source of joy or peace in your life, rather than the raging scar it is now.
My only experience with a death of someone close to me, it turned out that talking all about that person with someone who also loved her was the thing that consoled me most in the end.
So, I invite you, IF and when you are ready, to post here everything about your nephew that you can remember. I'm interested in it all.
What did he look like? What did he get dressed in? You visited him, and saw his in snapshots, so what were the markers of him growing up for you, and what were you there for? Did he paint? Climb things? What was he like when you held him? Was he quiet, or noisy? Energetic, or quiet? What were his favourite toys? What did he play with. Did he ever go to a parent's group? Did he have playfriends? Other children in the family his age he played with? Did he have any health problems? How was eating for him starting off? I'm sorry if these questions start you crying, but I'll ask them anyway, because he was real, and he was beautiful, and he was precious, and there are other people in the world who understand that, even if they'll never get to meet him.
Edited, Sep 3rd 2008 4:36am by Aripyanfar
Never having been in a similar situation as yours, Thumb, I cannot directly relate.
I also am pretty sure that you do not know who I am, but suffice it to say that I lurk a lot, and post just a little bit.
But despite all that, I wish to extend my deepest condolences to you, your cousin, and the rest of your family. It is simply unthinkable that a family should have to face something like this, especially with such a young member of it. No one should have to face this.
I'm so sorry.
I also am pretty sure that you do not know who I am, but suffice it to say that I lurk a lot, and post just a little bit.
But despite all that, I wish to extend my deepest condolences to you, your cousin, and the rest of your family. It is simply unthinkable that a family should have to face something like this, especially with such a young member of it. No one should have to face this.
I'm so sorry.
Sorry for your loss Thumb. :(
This almost happened to my friend daughter, but thankfully they were able to revive her.
This almost happened to my friend daughter, but thankfully they were able to revive her.
Just as Planned.
Oh geez. I don't even wanna give Thom a bath now!
Sorry thumb for what your family is going through.
Sorry thumb for what your family is going through.
publiusvarus wrote:
we all know liberals are well adjusted american citizens who only want what's best for society. While conservatives are evil money grubbing scum who only want to sh*t on the little man and rob the world of its resources.
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