In-game relationshipsFollow

I just read a post on another server about people arguing and verbally attacking each other over a relationship that apparently went sour. All of the things they were saying were a reminder to me of something that I'd see on maybe the Jerry Springer show. The thing was that all of this happened in-game... not in real life.

In my personal opinion, I think that "dating" someone in a video game is just strange behavior. I suppose some people take comfort in this due to their lack of a social life outside of FFXI.

I was just wondering about the opinions of my fellow players here on Shiva about in-game relationships. What is your take? Do you think it is a positive or negative influence on society? Am I just being too particular?


Your thoughts please.

Edited, Fri Jan 6 21:31:09 2006 by TeChNoFiRe

I think in-game relationships are a bad idea.

You can have feelings for somebody that you interact with on a daily basis, even if not in person. I know this from experience.

Long story short; A couple of years ago, there is this girl that I knew from CS. We met up, we got hitched and I moved 2500 miles. It didn't work out. Well, it's way more in-depth than that but it's nothing I'm going to get into.

Though, there are some success stories. There is a friend of mine who met his wife on the internet. Sure, it's not in-game but it's pretty well the same. They married about two years ago and are still together.

But, in my personal opinion, I think in-game relationships are harmful. Some people take things differently. Someone could go through what I went through or a relationship will eventually fade away. Plus, you never know who you are really talking to.

Being the romantic that I am, I like to believe anything is possible when it comes to <3!

Call me corny if you will...I believe in fate. If two people are fated/destined to meet each other and be together who is to say it couldn't be on Shiva server in FFXI?

When I was much younger and dating *ahem*..... we didn't have online dating, or online games. Spending time skiing with groups of people, the bar scene, or through mutual friendships was the normal way of meeting people. Honestly; I met more phony and fake people in some of those real life circumstances than I care to remember.

Getting back to my point though......

I know there are people who have met on Shiva; formed relationships; met in real life and moved in together and even gotten married. I also know of in game relationships that haven't worked out for many reasons. I also know of people who have formed fabulous friendships in game.

Now.... the mind is a fragile thing. I think danger happens when one of two people are not honest and upfront in who they are and what exactly their intent is. Leading another person on emotionally, or down a path that is not real is despicable - whether they are teenagers or adults.

With mutual respect; honesty, and maturity anything can happen between two people....especially in the land of Van a Diel....

i hate to sound completely negative but i think in-game relationships between people who have never met irl are a bad idea. if you find yourself in many of those it may be time to get some kind of social life =(

I hear what you're saying Ayazz....but for many people this game IS their social life and could be a way of meeting people either for friendships and/or more :D

I know two people in game who have met in game, met in real life and it's worked fine for them... When the stars align and worlds collide......who knows what can happen!

<3

Just to ammend my previous statement - I think relationships that are purely in game are bad ideas. I've made some great friends in game over my 4 characters and 2+ years and when we get together for some ridiculous, pointless, just for fun missions and what not it feels like hanging out with old friends, not just some online persona. These are people who I keep in touch with through email everytime I randomly decide I'm quitting FF (and then decide to come back a few months later) and whom I speak to via AIM and by other means. One or two even have my address and phone number and we send eachother cd's we recommend one another check out. I'm all for relationships in that sense, the friendly kind. It's one of the best things this game offers. Now, for romantic in-game relationships; if you're both single, in the same age range, and you're both looking for a real relationship, than there's no problem with it. If you both understand the expanses of your online relationship than it should be ok. If you both know that it's strictly role-playing than RP away. If you're both aware that the other is willing to meet people from the game in real life and is even looking for a real life significant other, possibly from in-game, than that's ok too. The big problem is when people are unclear about there intentions and one party thinks the situation to be far more serious than the other. That's when someone gets hurt.

well if anyone knows me .. they know about me and my gf :) ... we recently met over the holidays and well it was like remeeting an old best friend where u catch up and then everything just falls back into place and it's like we were never apart..

i can honestly say i don't know anyone that can make me as happy as she can and knows so much about me .. even though we only knew one another ingame/msn/phone for a yr and a half .. we decided to start "dating oct 2004" .. and have been "together" since.. we've talked about everything a couple would talk about .. and are now talking about more serious stuff

i'm sorry to the people that have been hurt by an online relationship gone bad.. i've been there as well .. but i feel if both people are honest that ingame life imitates real life personalities .

i've had many *real life* in my same town relationships as well .. and well none of them turned out .. this one seems to be the one and it's happened by meeting the love of my life online/ingame... wow i'm jsut pouring everythign out.. lmao ..

one thing i will say is don't jump into anyhting.. we were friends for 4-5 months and knew alot about oen another before anything ever even came up or those kidns of feelings arose. i also belive in the best advice my dad gave me when i asked him how he knew my mother was the one .. and he said " i fell in love with my best friend, someone i could trust wholey and completly"

just be honest.. straightforward and think before u type .. cause everything u can say can mean sometyhing diff to someone else ..

well theres my life O.o wow .. lmao .. sorry for the long as post and good luck

A rl relationship from someone u meet thru rl friends can be horribly bad or worse it happened to me and Im glad its over . The guy was a nightmare he did everything bad you can think of except being a murder.

Edited, Tue Jan 10 20:09:11 2006 by Glitterngld

People get into in-game relationships because of the anonimity that it provides. Most guys who play, not saying all, find comfort behind their videogame persona because it makes them into something they are usually not, but there in lies the problem, ANYONE can assume a false image and this is usually where in-game relationships are not a good thing. You never know whos behind the character unless you know them in real life anyway.

Now FFXI has several million people playing, now imagine if 1 or 2 people are hiding something. How do we know the player we're partying with isn't in a basement with someone chained up to the wall that they torture when they aren't online? Its easy to type in friendly things cause no one can see you or hear you, or hear whats going on. O.o

Ok that maybe a stretching the imagination but a study averaged that around 50-100 serial killers operate at any given time in the US @_@

How many play FFXI, probably none, but again...WHO KNOWS >.>

I agree with Matt on this one. I also agree with the post right above me as well. I know a few couples that met through the game, became awesome friends and have been together over a year now seriously IRL. Some have met a few times irl and are trying to take it to the next level. But the feelings itself are indeed real, een though they met in a virtual world. A key factor is: They are ADULTS.

But do not misunderstand me- THIS IS VERY RARE. The percentage of the negatives are much higher.

I actually really don't like it when people intentionally play the game and use it for their own personal E-harmony, especially if they are adults. Some completely misrepresent themselves in order to make themselves seem a certain way when in reality that its a big faux. I have known a few, not anyone I would call a friend or even close to am acquaintance, who would lie about his marital situation and actually seek attn and flirt with "females" and attempt to get close to them irl, regardless their age. Sometimes reality is just not that great for some that they want to create a little lovefest for their avatar?


If you are kids, especially 16 and under, you have alot of things and alot of growing to do as a person and basically this is just fun and experimentation but 99.9% of the time, its not gonna last. But hey, a pipe dream is a pipe dream- aim high if thats what you want- its all part of growing up anyway right. Well... till your parents find out and might cut of the game cause your sneaking off to meet someone who turns out not to be 16 like you but in their 20's....

The ironic twist is just like Matt said- you find yourself making good friends online and other states which some do turn out to be good friends IRL, suprisingly. Some. Example, I actually really never liked Final Fantasy or knew much about it before this game. I played others in my spare time but I never got into the crystals lol. At the time I was in a serious relationship with someone we will now call the antichrist. Granted, I left that situation but I didnt leave the game or the people whom I made friends with. So I may complain and say I wasted my time on him, but in the end I have to thank him for the one thing I am grateful from him: a few of some close friends I have made whom I value and plan to keep in touch with when I eventually leave the game.

Life is strange, you never know whats ahead..but you also have to be somewhat realistic, whether you are a romantic, a cynic, or just take life a day at a time and enjoy the moment.

Haha... it's actually kinda cool. I still live with my parents, and they totally know about my bf. He comes over everyday, and they love him, even though he's older than me. He got a job yesterday, cuz he just moved here, and my father even said something along the lines of, 'You're a part of the family now!' Nonetheless, if a relationship goes through a lot of challenges like mine has, and the couple is still together, then I believe there is something really strong in there. Age is just a number. It's the maturity that counts, IMO.

At the same time, I agree that sometimes, these kind of things are extremely hard and don't work out. Just have to play your cards right, that's all.

its a good thing it broke if 2 people couldnt handle each, thats just poor leadership

so your online girlfriend broke up with you (or real...whatever), get over yourself. this game is for fun