When you get done reading those fanfictions, you should read the ones that spawned this list.
http://www.cracked.com/article_16554_indy-lord-voldemort-fanfictions-5-strangest-love-matches.html
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Twilight-mania... what gives?Follow
catwho, pet mage of Jabober wrote:
"My Immortal" has nothing on "Artemis's Lover." That fanfic was so bad, my husband printed out a copy and slapped a UN warning label on it saying it violated the Geneva convention.
That link looks familiar, though ...
George Carlin wrote:
I think it’s the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
"The Eye of Argon", he said bustily.
idiggory, King of Bards wrote:
I have a racist ****.
Steam: TuxedoFish
battle.net: Fishy #1649
GW2: Fishy.4129
IDrownFish wrote:
"The Eye of Argon", he said bustily.
That was actually quite a good read, if you read the MST thing.
Laughed out loud a couple of times.
Please "talk up" if your comprehension white-shifts. I will use simple-happy language-words to help you understand.
I hate you all, how am I going to get any work done now? 
◕ ‿‿ ◕
Vataro wrote:
I hate you all, how am I going to get any work done now?
This. Verily this.
Actually, the TVTropes for Eye of Argon reminds me of an "epic story" I started writing when I was like 12. It was terrible and over 300 pages or so. Maybe I should see the infamy I can attain by putting it online at some point.
My Immortal is an infamous old parody, the work of an insanely dedicated troll with inhuman levels of stupid tolerance. We hope.
Quote:
Dracula was all about repressed Victorian sexuality and since then, vampires have pretty much been about sex and seduction (well, perhaps with the exception of the silent movie Nosferatu.)
It was as much about socialist revolution and progress of class struggle as sex.
Edited, Nov 7th 2009 12:04am by Pensive
Roger Ebert's Twilight review actually explains it fairly well.
If you’re a vampire, it’s all about you. Why is Edward Cullen obsessed to the point of erotomania by Bella Swan? Because she smells so yummy, but he doesn’t want to kill her. Here’s what he tells her: He must not be around her. He might sink his fangs in just a little, and not be able to stop. She finds this overwhelmingly attractive. She tells him he is the most beautiful thing she has ever seen. I don’t remember Edward ever saying that to her. Maybe once. He keeps on saying they should stay far, far apart, because he craves her so much.
Should a woman fall in love with a man because he desires her so much? Men seem to think so. It's not about the woman, it's about the man's desire. We all know there is no such thing as a vampire. Come on now, what is "Twilight" really about? It's about a teenage boy trying to practice abstinence, and how, in the heat of the moment, it's really, really hard. And about a girl who wants to go all the way with him, and doesn't care what might happen. He's so beautiful she would do anything for him. She is the embodiment of the sentiment, "I'd die for you." She is, like many adolescents, a thanatophile.
If there were no vampires in "Twilight," it would be a thin-blooded teenage romance, about two good-looking kids who want each other so much because they want each other so much. Sometimes that's all it's about, isn't it? They're in love with being in love. In "Twilight," however, they have a seductive disagreement about whether he should kill her. She's like, I don't especially want to die, but if that's what it takes, count me in. She is touched by his devotion. Think what a sacrifice he is making on her behalf. On Prom Night, on the stage of the not especially private gazebo in the public gardens, he teeters right on the brink of a fang job, and then brings all of her trembling to a dead stand-still.
Edited, Nov 7th 2009 2:50am by Turin
Ebert wrote:
If you’re a vampire, it’s all about you. Why is Edward Cullen obsessed to the point of erotomania by Bella Swan? Because she smells so yummy, but he doesn’t want to kill her. Here’s what he tells her: He must not be around her. He might sink his fangs in just a little, and not be able to stop. She finds this overwhelmingly attractive. She tells him he is the most beautiful thing she has ever seen. I don’t remember Edward ever saying that to her. Maybe once. He keeps on saying they should stay far, far apart, because he craves her so much.
Should a woman fall in love with a man because he desires her so much? Men seem to think so. It's not about the woman, it's about the man's desire. We all know there is no such thing as a vampire. Come on now, what is "Twilight" really about? It's about a teenage boy trying to practice abstinence, and how, in the heat of the moment, it's really, really hard. And about a girl who wants to go all the way with him, and doesn't care what might happen. He's so beautiful she would do anything for him. She is the embodiment of the sentiment, "I'd die for you." She is, like many adolescents, a thanatophile.
If there were no vampires in "Twilight," it would be a thin-blooded teenage romance, about two good-looking kids who want each other so much because they want each other so much. Sometimes that's all it's about, isn't it? They're in love with being in love. In "Twilight," however, they have a seductive disagreement about whether he should kill her. She's like, I don't especially want to die, but if that's what it takes, count me in. She is touched by his devotion. Think what a sacrifice he is making on her behalf. On Prom Night, on the stage of the not especially private gazebo in the public gardens, he teeters right on the brink of a fang job, and then brings all of her trembling to a dead stand-still.
Edited, Nov 7th 2009 2:50am by Turin
catwho, pet mage of Jabober wrote:
Quote:
I'd imagine it's much the same thing that caused a lot of us back when I was a stupid kid to get into the Anne Rice book craze.
Yeah, but Anne Rice can write.
"Blackwood Farm" and "Blood Canticle" disagree with you though. Seriously, seriously disagree with you.
I suppose we can blame Anne Rice for the current Twilight tragedy, she set the scene for the misunderstood, rebel, gothic, mostly all gay, or bi at the very least, except if they're women as far as I can recall, vampire.
But admittedly, apart from those two truly awful books, she did it rather well. "Memnoch the Devil", "Blood and Gold", "Interview with the Vampire",... all are pretty darn good. (imo anyway)
I wouldn't read Twilight if someone put a gun at my head. Or rather I would but I wouldn't remember a word I read, although I do tend to vividly remember the worst stories I read for some reason.
DUnno about Edward, I think the werewolves are nifty.
True Blood ftw.
Omegavegeta wrote:
It's because every pre-teen, tween, & teen girl in America has read the books & wants to get hammered by Edward Cullen.
Why?
Because he sparkles.
Why?
Because he sparkles.
orz
(She just watched it for the first time this weekend)
His Excellency Aethien wrote:
Almalieque wrote:
If no one debated with me, then I wouldn't post here anymore.
gbaji wrote:
I'm not getting my news from anywhere Joph.
bsphil wrote:
Omegavegeta wrote:
It's because every pre-teen, tween, & teen girl in America has read the books & wants to get hammered by Edward Cullen.
Why?
Because he sparkles.
Why?
Because he sparkles.
orz
(She just watched it for the first time this weekend)
I know you're mentioning the age for comparison to the preteens, but I read that as if there is a large age gap between you and her. Now I'm imagining you as a 30 yr. old with a hot 22 y.o. girlfriend. No offense =/.
◕ ‿‿ ◕
niobia wrote:
DUnno about Edward, I think the werewolves are nifty.
I bet Nix agrees.
loledwardcullen, I've seen hotter guys on the buses at school. Why can't they just swoon over Brad Pitt and George Clooney like they're supposed to?
Dear people I don't like: 凸(â—´―｀â—)凸
Because George Clooney can act and Brad Pitt ... well, George Clooney can act.
Okay, okay, against my better judgment I've enjoyed a ton of Brad Pitt movies, too.
Okay, okay, against my better judgment I've enjoyed a ton of Brad Pitt movies, too.
George Carlin wrote:
I think it’s the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
Quote:
Okay, okay, against my better judgment I've enjoyed a ton of Brad Pitt movies, too.
I think his role as Floyd in True Romance is the best thing he's ever done.
Quote:
Don't condescend me, man. I'll ******' kill ya, man.
"The Rich are there to take all of the money & pay none of the taxes, the middle class is there to do all the work and pay all the taxes, and the poor are there to scare the crap out of the middle class." -George Carlin
Okay, this line from this review pretty much sums it up in a single sentence:
Quote:
By all accounts, watching Twilight is the cinematic equivalent of seeing a turnip shaped like the Virgin Mary: a miracle for the devoted, a punchline for everyone else.
I like it. I like it probably more than many "young adult" or "teen" directed fiction. No need to hate it just because it's popular...that frame of mind is also only cool to the younger crowd.
I read the first of the Harry Potter novels, directed at roughly the same age group but I didn't care for them. The Twilight books were a little better written (though, as with all teen novels, written with the tendency to hit you over the head repeatedly with any important plot point but that's to be expected). I enjoyed the character development of the side characters at least as much as I enjoyed the main characters...possibly a fair bit more. I found the ending of the series predictable, but that doesn't make it bad either. Sometimes predictable is fun. The movie was, and I never say this, about as good as the book. The minor tweaks that the director made to the plot weren't horrible and the soundtrack and cinematography were fun. I really enjoyed the baseball scene. It probably helps that I like most of the bands on the soundtrack.
It's just another supernatural Pride and Prejudice for teens, really. Nothing to be overwhelmingly excited about but certainly nothing to look upon with great disdain...unless you're just one of those people that hates anything that's popular.
Nexa
I read the first of the Harry Potter novels, directed at roughly the same age group but I didn't care for them. The Twilight books were a little better written (though, as with all teen novels, written with the tendency to hit you over the head repeatedly with any important plot point but that's to be expected). I enjoyed the character development of the side characters at least as much as I enjoyed the main characters...possibly a fair bit more. I found the ending of the series predictable, but that doesn't make it bad either. Sometimes predictable is fun. The movie was, and I never say this, about as good as the book. The minor tweaks that the director made to the plot weren't horrible and the soundtrack and cinematography were fun. I really enjoyed the baseball scene. It probably helps that I like most of the bands on the soundtrack.
It's just another supernatural Pride and Prejudice for teens, really. Nothing to be overwhelmingly excited about but certainly nothing to look upon with great disdain...unless you're just one of those people that hates anything that's popular.
Nexa
“It has always been the prerogative of children and half-wits to point out that the emperor has no clothes. But a half-wit remains a half-wit, and the emperor remains an emperor.â€
― Neil Gaiman, The Sandman, Vol. 9: The Kindly Ones
― Neil Gaiman, The Sandman, Vol. 9: The Kindly Ones
75 Rabbit/75 Sheep/75 Coeurl/75 Eft/75 Raptor/75 Hippogryph/75 Puk
75 Scorpion/75 Wamoura/75 Pixie/75 Peiste/64 Sabotender
51 Bird/41 Mandragora/40 Bee/37 Crawler/37 Bat
Items no one cares about: O
Missions no one cares about: O
Crafts no one cares about: O
75 Scorpion/75 Wamoura/75 Pixie/75 Peiste/64 Sabotender
51 Bird/41 Mandragora/40 Bee/37 Crawler/37 Bat
Items no one cares about: O
Missions no one cares about: O
Crafts no one cares about: O
Nexa wrote:
No need to hate it just because it's popular...that frame of mind is also only cool to the younger crowd.
Just for the record, I don't hate it because it's popular. I hate it because it sends the wrong message to the target audience: teenage girls. It tells them that it's okay for a boyfriend to break into your house and watch you sleep. It's okay for him to be controlling over different aspects of your life. It's okay if he's borderline abusive, because he loves you! Oh, and let's not forget the classy, it's okay to not have an abortion when the fetus will kill you!
I'll admit, I haven't read the books and I haven't seen the movie. I've read enough in different reviews of the book to be extremely bothered by the Twilight mania though. I actually really like the Harry Potter books, and I think they try and pass on good values to the readers: the importance of friendship is a huge one. Twilight on the other hand, no. All it does is promote the author's conservative/Mormon views on her audience, and I think that's incredibly ****** up. I've also heard a lot of people complain that her books aren't even well written, but I'm not going to agree or disagree with that since I haven't read the books. However, the idea of Edward "sparkling" is just retarded.
Nexa wrote:
I read the first of the Harry Potter novels, directed at roughly the same age group but I didn't care for them. The Twilight books were a little better written (though, as with all teen novels, written with the tendency to hit you over the head repeatedly with any important plot point but that's to be expected). I enjoyed the character development of the side characters at least as much as I enjoyed the main characters...possibly a fair bit more.
I found Harry Potter vastly superior. The overall story was just so much better. Twilight focuses on character interaction... and by character interaction, it's pretty much Bella and Edward to the exclusion of almost everyone else. Bella's human friends literally become "Oh, now he's dating her" later on. That's all. You get back story with the vampires, but you hardly ever go into detail like the main couple.
After 4 books, I was SO over it.
The only part of the series I liked, literary-wise, was near the beginning of the second book, when it just lists the months and otherwise blank pages. I thought it made the point simply and directly; probably because the rest of the damn book was Bella crying over Edward, in great detail. It was a neat deviation, but it says a lot (to me, anyway) when the best part of the series in writing is where you write practically nothing.
As for the series itself, well, the 4th book was my favorite just because something actually HAPPENS in it. But as said, the long-awaited sex scene was totally glossed over. Another example of fail (I understand the target audience, but there are so many sexual allusions made already that some vague but hot description would have been perfect there).
I definitely don't hate it due its popularity. It's just, unlike series like HP, I just cannot understand how people think the writing is good. It might be the frame of mind you're in, though. I enjoy HP, but I'm sure a lot of Twilighters think it's not that good and would rather have several chapters describing Edward's abs as some kind of marble statue. Can you imagine having sex with that? Ugh.
PigtailsOfDoom the Eccentric wrote:
Nexa wrote:
No need to hate it just because it's popular...that frame of mind is also only cool to the younger crowd.
Just for the record, I don't hate it because it's popular. I hate it because it sends the wrong message to the target audience: teenage girls. It tells them that it's okay for a boyfriend to break into your house and watch you sleep. It's okay for him to be controlling over different aspects of your life. It's okay if he's borderline abusive, because he loves you! Oh, and let's not forget the classy, it's okay to not have an abortion when the fetus will kill you!
I'll admit, I haven't read the books and I haven't seen the movie. I've read enough in different reviews of the book to be extremely bothered by the Twilight mania though. I actually really like the Harry Potter books, and I think they try and pass on good values to the readers: the importance of friendship is a huge one. Twilight on the other hand, no. All it does is promote the author's conservative/Mormon views on her audience, and I think that's incredibly @#%^ed up. I've also heard a lot of people complain that her books aren't even well written, but I'm not going to agree or disagree with that since I haven't read the books. However, the idea of Edward "sparkling" is just retarded.
haha, I see that you haven't read the books. It's funny that you'd have so many comments on what happens in a book and a movie you haven't read/watched, but to each their own...I'm more of the "original research and form your own opinions type".
I like the back story and human interest of each of the books and I think they both have their arguably good and bad influences. I think it's a little silly to take the protective behavior of a vampire who is trying to keep his human girlfriend safe from another set of vampires set on murdering her to the level of "it teaches kids that obsessive boyfriends are cool". Also, the abortion thing is just silly. I'm certainly pro choice but I would never favor FORCING a woman to have one against her will.
Again, I've read both, neither are fantastically well written or will go down as literary classics...they're just fun fantasy and both are perfectly safe for teenagers to read. I've read a lot, and I've done a lot of research on both literature and psychology and there's nothing that jumps out at me as anything but silly fun. I guess if someone were unstable, that would be another problem, but hell...the meow mix commercial could be dangerous then.
Nexa
“It has always been the prerogative of children and half-wits to point out that the emperor has no clothes. But a half-wit remains a half-wit, and the emperor remains an emperor.â€
― Neil Gaiman, The Sandman, Vol. 9: The Kindly Ones
― Neil Gaiman, The Sandman, Vol. 9: The Kindly Ones
LockeColeMA wrote:
It's just, unlike series like HP, I just cannot understand how people think the writing is good. It might be the frame of mind you're in, though. I enjoy HP, but I'm sure a lot of Twilighters think it's not that good and would rather have several chapters describing Edward's abs as some kind of marble statue. Can you imagine having sex with that? Ugh.
haha, yeah, I'm not a big fan of the rambling descriptions. I think part of that problem was also that it *is* directed at a younger audience and books that are directed at younger audiences always seem to ere on the side of "these people have zero memory" and so the first couple of chapters of each book in a series seem to be summing up what happened thus far and/or rehashing events/characters/etc that we already know. I think that for normal adults, that ends up with "jesus, she's talking about how hawt Edward is AGAIN" but I have to accept that they're not written to be read in order over the course of a few days. /shrug
Do the HP books get better? Some of you seem to have really enjoyed them but I found the first one to be so "children's book"...which is fine, if that's what you want to be reading. I felt like I was reading any other little kids book like the Boxcar Children or Nancy Drew...do they get more...I don't know, advanced as they go along or something?
Nexa
“It has always been the prerogative of children and half-wits to point out that the emperor has no clothes. But a half-wit remains a half-wit, and the emperor remains an emperor.â€
― Neil Gaiman, The Sandman, Vol. 9: The Kindly Ones
― Neil Gaiman, The Sandman, Vol. 9: The Kindly Ones
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