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Help me understand...Martha StewartFollow

#1 Mar 14 2013 at 8:10 AM Rating: Decent
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Being an elite pseudo hipster with no TV, I occasionally miss out on cultural touchstones. I was aware of Martha Stewart only in the meta sense of people's reactions/parodies of her. Nexa and I were looking for The Daily Show (where as Progressives is out only news source) on Hulu, but they're on break. There was a highlighted playlist that included "From Martha's Kitchen" so I thought "What the ****, I've never watched Martha Stewart, this might be funny."

Prior to this, I was sort of under the impression that Martha Stewart was someone who presented complex things as if they were easy, a cold suburban perfectionist who housewives could strive to be like, but never succeed.

Apparently not. I watched 20 minutes, small sample set, I know, but what I saw was essentially a middle aged woman on Valium doing astonishingly mundane sh*t I'd expect Hannah to be able to do well. Who is the audience for this???

The woman explained how to fry an egg for 10 minutes. Literally. FRY A FUCKING EGG!!!

How did she build a multimillion dollar empire from this sort of thing? What am I missing??! It's Mr. Rogers for 30 year old women. Or something. Help me understand.

http://www.hulu.com/#!watch/399635?playlist_id=1548&asset_scope=all

An egg. Later she makes French Toast, which starts with "Buy a loaf of brioche"...The fuck? Why not just "buy french toast"

Edited, Mar 14th 2013 10:11am by Smasharoo
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#2 Mar 14 2013 at 8:13 AM Rating: Excellent
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#3 Mar 14 2013 at 8:24 AM Rating: Good
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I blame it on extraordinary marketing.

Here's Martha on Wait, Wait Don't Tell Me's Not My Job segment. Maybe it will shed some light on your enigma.



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#4 Mar 14 2013 at 8:25 AM Rating: Excellent
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I'm not even sure how to answer this without making a "Oh, is it 1992?" joke.
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#5 Mar 14 2013 at 8:33 AM Rating: Decent
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I'm not even sure how to answer this without making a "Oh, is it 1992?" joke.

I know. I've also never watched "Oprah". I was fairly busy in the last 20 years, daytime TV wasn't really something I had many chances to watch. Certainly not US daytime TV. I did see when they added the greenscreen coffee table to "Breakfast" but that's about it.

That said, I usually can at least understand how shows become popular. Jerry Springer, I get it, white trash voyeurism. Even Rachel Ray I mostly understand. She's your fat friend with a great personality who can't cook at all but tries really hard. Ellen is your safe ******* friend, etc. I really don't understand what this is even "supposed" to be. Are there people who can't fry an egg? Does it give license to the petit bourgeoisie to serve a fried egg and pretend it's sophisticated?

I genuinely, all joking aside, do not get the demographic that watches this show. The woman's not attractive in any way I can discern, she doesn't seem particularly nurturing/mother figure like either. Is it someone to feel that you're better than?
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#6 Mar 14 2013 at 8:38 AM Rating: Good
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Smasharoo wrote:
Even Rachel Ray I mostly understand. She's your fat friend with a great personality who can't cook at all but tries really hard.


Um, what? Even at her heaviest, she was barely chubby.
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#7 Mar 14 2013 at 8:38 AM Rating: Excellent
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WASPy white upper-middle income women like her. Women who enjoy decorating their homes to hit the sweet spot between "handcrafted enough to be interesting and unique" and "sterile enough to be clean".

My mother, despite failing on the "P" front (and the "AS" front, I suppose -- WPC doesn't roll off the tongue), is a big fan of Ms. Stewart. She sometimes gives old copies of her magazine to Flea who then puts them in a pile until someone remembers to throw them away.

Edit: I can't answer for the egg thing. I haven't seen it and will likely never see it.

Edited, Mar 14th 2013 9:42am by Jophiel
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#8 Mar 14 2013 at 8:42 AM Rating: Decent
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My mother, despite failing on the "P" front, is a big fan of Ms. Stewart. She sometimes gives old copies of her magazine to Flea who then puts them in a pile until someone remembers to throw them away.

The magazine is not at all like the TV Show. Nexa has a few copies of the magazine. The magazine I understand completely. There is one within reach, let me see what an article is....making your own candy and then boxes to give it as gifts in. I understand that. Most people probably don't make candy and boxes regularly.

Maye I just saw an unrepresentative episode. Hard for me to imagine your mother couldn't fry an egg and make french toast prior to learning from Martha, or saw much value in it.
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#9 Mar 14 2013 at 8:43 AM Rating: Excellent
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I've seen her watching Stewart on TV before although she was usually arranging mossy twigs or standing in a cranberry bog (Martha, not my mother).
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#10 Mar 14 2013 at 8:47 AM Rating: Decent
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Um, what? Even at her heaviest, she was barely chubby.

All relative, I guess. Assume I edit it to "sexless thumb with eyes who makes you look attractive" instead of fat.
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#11 Mar 14 2013 at 8:49 AM Rating: Decent
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Smasharoo wrote:
Um, what? Even at her heaviest, she was barely chubby.

All relative, I guess. Assume I edit it to "sexless thumb with eyes who makes you look attractive" instead of fat.

Whatever you need to do to justify your own bad judgement.
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#12 Mar 14 2013 at 8:53 AM Rating: Excellent
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I remember the story of Stewart getting in trouble in prison for straying too far off the grounds, collecting wild berries to make jellies or some such. I'm sure the story was carefully crafted and pushed by her media empire but it still gave me a chuckle.
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#13 Mar 14 2013 at 8:53 AM Rating: Decent
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Whatever you need to do to justify your own bad judgement.

Not sure how we get there. I'm pretty sure if took my wife and Rachel Ray and showed them to the ~3 Billion straight men in the world, about 2.9999 Billion of them would fine my wife more attractive.

http://images5.fanpop.com/image/photos/24800000/FHM-Magazine-rachael-ray-24835459-400-491.jpg

If that works for you, hey that's great. It's my understanding there are also men who like women to shit on them. I'm not here to judge.
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#14 Mar 14 2013 at 8:55 AM Rating: Excellent
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Lacking comparative photo from the other contestant.
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#15 Mar 14 2013 at 8:59 AM Rating: Decent
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Smasharoo wrote:
Not sure how we get there. I'm pretty sure if took my wife and Rachel Ray and showed them to the ~3 Billion straight men in the world, about 2.9999 Billion of them would fine my wife more attractive.


I'm sure Nexa appreciates your high opinion of her, and I wouldn't want to take away from that, but the sheer number of men on the internet who would drool over Rachel Ray lead me to dismiss your assertion rather easily. But who knows, maybe you could have Nexa submit herself to FHM or Maxim for comparison.
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#16 Mar 14 2013 at 9:04 AM Rating: Decent
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I'm sure Nexa appreciates your high opinion of her, and I wouldn't want to take away from that, but the sheer number of men on the internet who would drool over Rachel Ray lead me to dismiss your assertion rather easily.

Sheer number? I'm sure both you and the other fellow that see her as a *** object could have an interesting pork rind lunch chatting about how attractive she is, but I honestly think you're projecting a little here. To see a woman more attractive than her I'd have to go to my window and wait 5 minutes. I mean she's famous, so I guess that's worth something? I don't really see, actually.
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#17 Mar 14 2013 at 9:05 AM Rating: Good
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BrownDuck wrote:
Smasharoo wrote:
Not sure how we get there. I'm pretty sure if took my wife and Rachel Ray and showed them to the ~3 Billion straight men in the world, about 2.9999 Billion of them would fine my wife more attractive.


I'm sure Nexa appreciates your high opinion of her, and I wouldn't want to take away from that, but the sheer number of men on the internet who would drool over Rachel Ray lead me to dismiss your assertion rather easily. But who knows, maybe you could have Nexa submit herself to FHM or Maxim for comparison.


At the risk of being assassinated by a Smash-sent hitman in the middle of the night, having seen a picture Nexa posted. I'm inclined to agree with Smash.

I'm not saying Rachel is ugly, though.
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#18 Mar 14 2013 at 9:07 AM Rating: Decent
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At the risk of being assassinated by a Smash-sent hitman in the middle of the night, having seen a picture Nexa posted. I'm inclined to agree with Smash.

Welcome to THE LIST ***hole.
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To make a long story short, I don't take any responsibility for anything I post here. It's not news, it's not truth, it's not serious. It's parody. It's satire. It's bitter. It's angsty. Your mother's a *****. You like to jack off dogs. That's right, you heard me. You like to grab that dog by the bone and rub it like a ski pole. Your dad? ***. Your priest? Straight. **** off and let me post. It's not true, it's all in good fun. Now go away.

#19 Mar 14 2013 at 9:08 AM Rating: Excellent
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I think there's something fundamentally wrong with me that my first thought about this turn of conversation is that at least it isn't about Paula Deen.
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#20 Mar 14 2013 at 9:12 AM Rating: Good
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There's no way to win this debate without posting a pic of Nexa.

I can only say Rachel Ray's voice is too annoying to get beyond for an honest critique of her appearance.
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#21 Mar 14 2013 at 9:17 AM Rating: Decent
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There's no way to win this debate without posting a pic of Nexa.

I'm not in the habit of posting pictures of Nexa without her consent. Because I like having genitals when I wake each morning. Many people on this forum have met or seen images of her, many on teh facebooks. I don't think it's really an arguable thing. I'd feel that way if I'd never met her. The fact that she's also incredibly smart, funny, a great mother and all that other sappy ******** means that even if she looked like Jabba the Hut, I'd still love her. On balance, though, I'll go with the current state of affairs.
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To make a long story short, I don't take any responsibility for anything I post here. It's not news, it's not truth, it's not serious. It's parody. It's satire. It's bitter. It's angsty. Your mother's a *****. You like to jack off dogs. That's right, you heard me. You like to grab that dog by the bone and rub it like a ski pole. Your dad? ***. Your priest? Straight. **** off and let me post. It's not true, it's all in good fun. Now go away.

#22 Mar 14 2013 at 9:18 AM Rating: Excellent
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I'll join the chorus; thread needs more visual aids.

We never did Martha Stewart are here, if anything the Mrs. was more of a Sam Choy kind of gal when it came to cooking stuff. Interior decorating theme is somewhere between 'lawn of toys' and 'pile of toys' depending on what kind of day we've had.
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#23 Mar 14 2013 at 9:30 AM Rating: Good
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I like Rachel Ray, but I agree about her annoying voice. I think a good deal of her attractiveness is due to her knowing how to make a really good burger. Thirty Minute Meals is usually on when I'm at the gym, and I've picked up many a burger trick from her. The rest of her dishes are kind of meh compared to her compatriots, but at least you know her ideas will be doable in less than four hours. (I'm looking at you, Giada and your "oh hey lets marinade this half the day while you set up for your party!")

As for Martha Stewart, I don't understand the appeal either. The branded houseware products are cheap and overpriced. She actually had a low end line in K-Mart for a while there. Her personality seems fake to me.
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#24 Mar 14 2013 at 9:32 AM Rating: Decent
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Her personality seems fake to me.

No! Fake? I don't get that at all.
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To make a long story short, I don't take any responsibility for anything I post here. It's not news, it's not truth, it's not serious. It's parody. It's satire. It's bitter. It's angsty. Your mother's a *****. You like to jack off dogs. That's right, you heard me. You like to grab that dog by the bone and rub it like a ski pole. Your dad? ***. Your priest? Straight. **** off and let me post. It's not true, it's all in good fun. Now go away.

#25 Mar 14 2013 at 9:40 AM Rating: Excellent
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catwho wrote:
Her personality seems fake to me.

Would you feel better knowing that she's giving soulless smiles and saying "It's a good thing" in her day to day life?
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#26 Mar 14 2013 at 9:44 AM Rating: Decent
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Would you feel better knowing that she's giving soulless smiles and saying "It's a good thing" in her day to day life?

I don't know where you people live, but there are 1000 women like this withing a five mile radius of me. I frequently encounter them bringing Hannah or the boy to some function. I assume they're episcopalian or something.
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To make a long story short, I don't take any responsibility for anything I post here. It's not news, it's not truth, it's not serious. It's parody. It's satire. It's bitter. It's angsty. Your mother's a *****. You like to jack off dogs. That's right, you heard me. You like to grab that dog by the bone and rub it like a ski pole. Your dad? ***. Your priest? Straight. **** off and let me post. It's not true, it's all in good fun. Now go away.

#27 Mar 14 2013 at 9:48 AM Rating: Good
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Oh I lolled so hard at the FHM link, thanks Smash.

This one is actually pretty reminiscent of everyone's favorite Nexa photo. Ah, how disappointed I am in my lack of photoshop abilities.
#28 Mar 14 2013 at 10:01 AM Rating: Excellent
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Smasharoo wrote:
I don't know where you people live

Smiley: dubious
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#29 Mar 14 2013 at 10:03 AM Rating: Excellent
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I suyspect people watch so they can say they were one of the ones who were tuned in and saw Martha finally snap and kill everyone on the set with a shiv made of glass shards from a punch bowl some hapless intern drops immidiatly beforehand. Thats the oinly explanation that makes sense to me.
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#30 Mar 14 2013 at 10:11 AM Rating: Decent
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Smasharoo wrote:
I don't know where you people live


Yeah I don't know. I'm caring for an infant between posts, sometimes I lose the thread.
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To make a long story short, I don't take any responsibility for anything I post here. It's not news, it's not truth, it's not serious. It's parody. It's satire. It's bitter. It's angsty. Your mother's a *****. You like to jack off dogs. That's right, you heard me. You like to grab that dog by the bone and rub it like a ski pole. Your dad? ***. Your priest? Straight. **** off and let me post. It's not true, it's all in good fun. Now go away.

#31 Mar 14 2013 at 10:25 AM Rating: Excellent
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I've known people who would probably need 10 minutes worth of instruction in order to fry an egg, and who would still **** it up.
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#32 Mar 14 2013 at 11:21 AM Rating: Decent
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Spoonless wrote:
I've known people who would probably need 10 minutes worth of instruction in order to fry an egg, and who would still @#%^ it up.


And there's a show for that. Been watching "Worst Cooks in America" on the Food Network. Funny stuff. I find myself vacillating between "This must be faked, no one can actually be that incompetent" to "Yeah. I can see that happening". The guy who decided to make a grilled cheese sandwich and was actually grilling the cheese (as in cheese directly on a grill) possibly took the cake though. What's strange about the show is that there's these supposedly incompetent cooks, yet they're being instructed on how to make preparations even most capable home cooks would rarely do. It's just an odd juxtapose of "can't cut carrots" and "now we let our wine sauce reduce" that's hard to rectify. I mean, I consider myself to be reasonably capable in the kitchen, but I don't think I've ever made a wine sauce reduction (don't make enough roasts or briskets or something I guess).

Mass media though, so whatever.
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#33 Mar 14 2013 at 12:34 PM Rating: Good
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gbaji wrote:
What's strange about the show is that there's these supposedly incompetent cooks, yet they're being instructed on how to make preparations even most capable home cooks would rarely do. It's just an odd juxtapose of "can't cut carrots" and "now we let our wine sauce reduce" that's hard to rectify. I mean, I consider myself to be reasonably capable in the kitchen, but I don't think I've ever made a wine sauce reduction (don't make enough roasts or briskets or something I guess).

Mass media though, so whatever.
It's not funny unless they fail.
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#34 Mar 14 2013 at 12:38 PM Rating: Excellent
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His Excellency Aethien wrote:
It's not funny unless they fail.

That and I assume the premise is teaching people to do something well above their current skill grade. Who wants to watch people being taught how to bake a chicken breast?
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#35 Mar 14 2013 at 12:42 PM Rating: Good
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His Excellency Aethien wrote:
It's not funny unless they fail.
That should be NASCAR's slogan.
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#36 Mar 14 2013 at 2:47 PM Rating: Good
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Jophiel wrote:
His Excellency Aethien wrote:
It's not funny unless they fail.

That and I assume the premise is teaching people to do something well above their current skill grade. Who wants to watch people being taught how to bake a chicken breast?
True but that's not what people tune in for.
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#37 Mar 14 2013 at 2:53 PM Rating: Excellent
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His Excellency Aethien wrote:
Jophiel wrote:
His Excellency Aethien wrote:
It's not funny unless they fail.

That and I assume the premise is teaching people to do something well above their current skill grade. Who wants to watch people being taught how to bake a chicken breast?
True but that's not what people tune in for.

Boobies?
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#38 Mar 14 2013 at 3:21 PM Rating: Decent
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His Excellency Aethien wrote:
Jophiel wrote:
His Excellency Aethien wrote:
It's not funny unless they fail.

That and I assume the premise is teaching people to do something well above their current skill grade. Who wants to watch people being taught how to bake a chicken breast?
True but that's not what people tune in for.

I actually do tune in to watch them teach novice cooks to add flare to otherwise basic dishes. Assuming you're not already a wiz in the kitchen, a person could pick up a few interesting techniques and ingredient recommendations from a show like that.

Worst cooks in 'Merica is probably the only "reality" show I can watch with interest.
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#39 Mar 14 2013 at 4:04 PM Rating: Good
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Unlike most of the other shows, where if someone fails it'll be in round one (an example is Cupcake Wars - the person who makes a novice baking mistake is always kicked out in round one), they're failing all over the place in Worst Cooks in America.

They're also pretty mean to them. During one seafood episode they made them kill a lobster by stabbing its head with a thin knife (in theory destroying its pea sized brain in one go, killing it instantly. Better than boiling it alive, though.) Understandably, several of the novice chefs were freaking out. I know I would be.

I've reduced a wine sauce. It's not really that hard.
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#40 Mar 14 2013 at 6:23 PM Rating: Excellent
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Smasharoo wrote:
Smasharoo wrote:
I don't know where you people live


Yeah I don't know. I'm caring for an infant between posts, sometimes I lose the thread.

Remember to switch ******* on occasion else your nipple will get sore.
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#41 Mar 14 2013 at 6:29 PM Rating: Decent
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Smasharoo wrote:
Whatever you need to do to justify your own bad judgement.

Not sure how we get there. I'm pretty sure if took my wife and Rachel Ray and showed them to the ~3 Billion straight men in the world, about 2.9999 Billion of them would fine my wife more attractive.

http://images5.fanpop.com/image/photos/24800000/FHM-Magazine-rachael-ray-24835459-400-491.jpg

If that works for you, hey that's great. It's my understanding there are also men who like women to shit on them. I'm not here to judge.

Nexa is quite the looker, to be sure, but I'm sure there's a combination of grogginess and bad lighting that makes her look like Helen Thomas in comparison to Rach's FHM spread.
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#42 Mar 14 2013 at 6:30 PM Rating: Good
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Remember to switch ******* on occasion else your nipple will get sore.

Oh I have a wet nurse, don't be silly. The governess brings him to me for one hour, each day, and sometimes it's while I'm posting. Then we get a new governess. But it happens.
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To make a long story short, I don't take any responsibility for anything I post here. It's not news, it's not truth, it's not serious. It's parody. It's satire. It's bitter. It's angsty. Your mother's a *****. You like to jack off dogs. That's right, you heard me. You like to grab that dog by the bone and rub it like a ski pole. Your dad? ***. Your priest? Straight. **** off and let me post. It's not true, it's all in good fun. Now go away.

#43 Mar 14 2013 at 6:44 PM Rating: Excellent
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A certain google image search actually returns a few pictures of Nexa. Interestingly, it also returns a picture of Nadenu, and the best picture of the Clintons ever:
Screenshot


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Na Zdrowie
#44 Mar 14 2013 at 6:52 PM Rating: Good
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On topic: I have seen Martha Stewart for more than 5 seconds on two occasions: once on Conan, and another time when she was making doilies or something.
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Na Zdrowie
#45 Mar 14 2013 at 8:22 PM Rating: Decent
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Jophiel wrote:
Smasharoo wrote:
I don't know where you people live

Smiley: dubious

When you make THE LIST, he contacts Samira and her network starts collecting the relevant information. It's a highly professional organisation.

someproteinguy wrote:
I'll join the chorus; thread needs more visual aids.

They are easy enough to find on your own.
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Just as Planned.
#46 Mar 14 2013 at 11:37 PM Rating: Good
I put "nexa allakhazam" into GIS. I didn't get a Nexa, but of the first 20 pictures 4 were my DingartsTM.Smiley: laugh
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Allegory wrote:
Bijou your art is exceptionally creepy. It seems like their should be something menacing about it, yet no such tone is present.
#47 Mar 14 2013 at 11:43 PM Rating: Good
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Friar Bijou wrote:
I put "nexa allakhazam" into GIS. I didn't get a Nexa, but of the first 20 pictures 4 were my DingartsTM.Smiley: laugh


Apparently there is a Nexa (Plus!) prenatal vitamin, a Nexa Center for Internet and Society, and a Nexa "light and bold" font.
#48 Mar 15 2013 at 6:34 AM Rating: Excellent
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Belkira wrote:
Friar Bijou wrote:
I put "nexa allakhazam" into GIS. I didn't get a Nexa, but of the first 20 pictures 4 were my DingartsTM.Smiley: laugh


Apparently there is a Nexa (Plus!) prenatal vitamin, a Nexa Center for Internet and Society, and a Nexa "light and bold" font.


I sold some of my dna for the vitamin so that other people's children might have a small chance at being as awesome as mine.

Also, there's a picture of me on my wiki here you dorks...even if it's not a particularly good one and I look exhausted...you do get a glimpse of side boob. Happy Friday.

Nexa
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“It has always been the prerogative of children and half-wits to point out that the emperor has no clothes. But a half-wit remains a half-wit, and the emperor remains an emperor.”
― Neil Gaiman, The Sandman, Vol. 9: The Kindly Ones
#49 Mar 15 2013 at 6:36 AM Rating: Excellent
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Oh, and I may be able to out-hawt Rachel Ray on a good day, but I think we can all agree that Giada's hawt like fire.

As an aside: it's apparently just me, because they're prolific, but I find photos of women rolling around in food really gross...even hawt chefs.

Nexa
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“It has always been the prerogative of children and half-wits to point out that the emperor has no clothes. But a half-wit remains a half-wit, and the emperor remains an emperor.”
― Neil Gaiman, The Sandman, Vol. 9: The Kindly Ones
#50 Mar 15 2013 at 6:40 AM Rating: Good
Skelly Poker Since 2008
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With the super-secret google search word I found them all.....



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#51 Mar 15 2013 at 6:42 AM Rating: Good
Skelly Poker Since 2008
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Nexa wrote:
I think we can all agree that Giada's hawt like fire.

She has a beak.

You're a bigger deal.
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Alma wrote:
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