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Practical environmentalism perhaps?Follow

#1 Feb 20 2013 at 11:11 AM Rating: Excellent
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So here is the scenario: the northern ice cap is melting fast and it's leaving behind a lot of open water and a lot of very big, very hungry, bears. Nobody expects this situation to get better anytime soon, most would tell you its aiming to get far worse. Bears far from civilization likely just starve to death, those closer to town start to become a danger as they get desperate for food. Neither is really something people want, especially the second one.

That brings up the question what do you do about it? Well you can relocate the bears further north. That would certainly work for a while, but there isn't much 'north' left. You can put the animals in zoos, but there's only so much room. Then there's the idea of airlifting food to the bears. Expensive perhaps, but it might be one of the more practical options on the table. Do we really want to feed the bears, making them at least partially dependent on us? They have similar programs down here for dear and other wildlife, IIRC. Is it really worth spending money to save something that would just eat you given half a chance?

What do we do about the polar bears?
Let nature take its course:8 (44.4%)
Feed the bears:1 (5.6%)
Relocate the bears:1 (5.6%)
Hey, I've got this other really great idea! First we...:2 (11.1%)
Nobody cares what happens in Canada:6 (33.3%)
Total:18


Questions for our time I suppose.

Edited, Feb 20th 2013 9:11am by someproteinguy
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#2 Feb 20 2013 at 11:17 AM Rating: Good
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Let the bears gentrify Canada.
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#3 Feb 20 2013 at 11:18 AM Rating: Excellent
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Dye their coats and let them mingle with other breeds, much like a 40+ woman at a bar.
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#4 Feb 20 2013 at 11:23 AM Rating: Excellent
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Eske Esquire wrote:
gentrify

First word I had to google today... Smiley: lol
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#5 Feb 20 2013 at 11:28 AM Rating: Excellent
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I suppose the unfortunate answer is to let "nature" take its course. It's not as though anyone is going to be feeding bears via airlift for the next fifty years and doing so wouldn't be natural anyway.

I would assume that the bears would naturally move north in whatever numbers as the terrain and food supply allows without us giving them bindles and packing them into boxcars.
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#6 Feb 20 2013 at 11:28 AM Rating: Good
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Domesticate the bears and have them be watchdogsbears for the Alaska/Canada border.
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#7 Feb 20 2013 at 11:31 AM Rating: Excellent
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Rather than move them north, move them south. Not Antarctica south, just down into the Carolinas or Miami or something. Provided they have food, I'm sure they'll be happy.
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#8 Feb 20 2013 at 11:32 AM Rating: Excellent
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Or Montana. No one lives there anyway.
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#9 Feb 20 2013 at 11:32 AM Rating: Good
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Jophiel wrote:
Rather than move them north, move them south. Not Antarctica south, just down into the Carolinas or Miami or something. Provided they have food, I'm sure they'll be happy.


Yellowstone would guarantee them a steady supply of picnic baskets.
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#10 Feb 20 2013 at 12:08 PM Rating: Good
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lolgaxe wrote:
Dye their coats and let them mingle with other breeds, much like a 40+ woman at a bar.

There's already hybrid grizzly/polar bears around aren't there?
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#11 Feb 20 2013 at 12:20 PM Rating: Excellent
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His Excellency Aethien wrote:
lolgaxe wrote:
Dye their coats and let them mingle with other breeds, much like a 40+ woman at a bar.

There's already hybrid grizzly/polar bears around aren't there?

Yup.

Don't know really anything more than that though, but they happen from time to time and people claim they've been happening more as of late.
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#12 Feb 20 2013 at 12:23 PM Rating: Good
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Give a bear a man he eats for a day, teach a bear to manhunt he eats for a lifetime.

An emergency feeding might be fine if there was some prognosis of a permanent fix for their ilk anytime soon, but there's really not. Similarly, I don't think the ursine species will benefit greatly from a full-scale rescue attempt.

Many will die some will adapt and/or migrate to other ice. Maybe some will breed with the Kodiaks or Sasquatches and make something new.

I don't see the ice coming back anytime soon though.
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#13 Feb 20 2013 at 12:27 PM Rating: Good
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Preserve their DNA and eggs and stuff, stick it in deep freeze in a seed bank, and wait 10,000 years for the next ice age.

If humans are still around then we can probably bring them back at that point, too.
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#14 Feb 20 2013 at 12:31 PM Rating: Excellent
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catwho wrote:
Preserve their DNA and eggs and stuff, stick it in deep freeze in a seed bank, and wait 10,000 years for the next ice age.

If humans are still around then we can probably bring them back at that point, too.


Use DNA to create new bears. Create island amusement park. Maintain single Australian guy security presence. Invite a couple scientists, Jeff Goldblum, and a some kids...
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#15 Feb 20 2013 at 12:34 PM Rating: Good
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#16 Feb 20 2013 at 12:50 PM Rating: Excellent
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I'd pay to watch a couple kids get chased through a kitchen by bears.
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#17 Feb 20 2013 at 1:10 PM Rating: Excellent
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Since Samuel L. Jackson has to be there you can call the movie "Bears on a Tear".
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#18 Feb 20 2013 at 1:18 PM Rating: Excellent
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Samuel L. Jackson as the bear.
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#19 Feb 20 2013 at 1:19 PM Rating: Excellent
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lolgaxe wrote:
Samuel L. Jackson as the bear.


Wearing an afro.
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#20 Feb 20 2013 at 1:37 PM Rating: Excellent
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The real answer to what is going to happen is that polar bears are going to go mostly extinct. I say this because while bears are incredibly adaptable as a species (like giant raccoons), forcing the polar bears to move inland and give up their ice-hunting lives is moving them into brown bear territory, making polar bears much more likely to come in contact with brown bears and, consequently, breeding with them. This is a viable hybrid and second generations have been found in the wild. So as the ice caps melt, the more adaptable polar bears will move inland and take the to the life of a brown bear, while the more stubborn ones will drown or die of starvation. Integration is inevitable and I doubt it'll be many generations before we see a dramatic rise in rarity of the white bear and an increase in sightings of the dappled children.
#21 Feb 20 2013 at 1:40 PM Rating: Excellent
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forcing the polar bears to move inland and give up their ice-hunting lives is moving them into brown bear territory, making polar bears much more likely to come in contact with brown bears and, consequently, breeding with them

More worrisome is when the Inuit are forced south and begin breeding with Mexicans.
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#22 Feb 20 2013 at 1:41 PM Rating: Excellent
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Ice tacos, alright!
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#23 Feb 20 2013 at 2:43 PM Rating: Excellent
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lolgaxe wrote:
Seal tacos, alright!

I'm sure we can work in some kind of a Kiss From a Rose/gardener joke somehow, but it's past my bedtime and I'm not seeing it.
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#24 Feb 20 2013 at 4:32 PM Rating: Good
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I say we round up all the polar bears and drop them into North Korea. Start taking bets on which desperately starving population wins.
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#25 Feb 20 2013 at 5:59 PM Rating: Good
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One of the really really rich people needs to build them an artificial iceberg with some big *** air conditioners.

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#26 Feb 20 2013 at 10:10 PM Rating: Excellent
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We cook and eat the bear arms, as is our right. Lets see them try eating anyone in town with only their rear legs!
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#27 Feb 20 2013 at 11:59 PM Rating: Excellent
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Jophiel wrote:
More worrisome is when the Inuit are forced south and begin breeding with Mexicans.

That would drive Sarah Palin (even more) nuts.

#28 Feb 21 2013 at 8:26 AM Rating: Good
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She's got a helicopter and a rifle. She'll be okay.
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#29 Feb 22 2013 at 4:46 AM Rating: Good
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lolgaxe wrote:
Ice tacos, alright!
Is seal flipper a better grade of meat than what's currently used?
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#30 Feb 22 2013 at 5:19 AM Rating: Good
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From what I've heard about Taco Bell, probably.
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#31 Feb 22 2013 at 8:52 AM Rating: Good
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Uglysasquatch wrote:
lolgaxe wrote:
Ice tacos, alright!
Is seal flipper a better grade of meat than what's currently used?
Some people say it's amazing, some say it's alright. Personally, I've lost my faith in human beings, but it's kind of killer.
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#32 Feb 22 2013 at 9:33 AM Rating: Good
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lolgaxe wrote:
I've lost my faith in human beings,,,
Hole in your pocket?
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#33 Feb 23 2013 at 10:12 PM Rating: Excellent
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Eliza, Eliza.
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#34 Feb 23 2013 at 11:10 PM Rating: Good
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Eliza, Eliza.
O, no no...

You're Eliza: I'm Henry!Smiley: wink
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#35 Feb 24 2013 at 9:43 AM Rating: Good
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Then fix it for lolgaxe, dear Henry, dear Henry.
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#36 Feb 25 2013 at 8:41 AM Rating: Good
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The joke is too dull, dear Ari, dear Ari.
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#37 Feb 25 2013 at 12:22 PM Rating: Good
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It's exhausting axing avatars, dearest.
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