He should combine them and have a 17 year old girlfriend/bodyguard. Hot!
He has a team of underage ninja hookers, it's just not in the article. He calls them his "security essentials".
Try the veal.
To make a long story short, I don't take any responsibility for anything I post here. It's not news, it's not truth, it's not serious. It's parody. It's satire. It's bitter. It's angsty. Your mother's a whore. You like to jack off dogs. That's right, you heard me. You like to grab that dog by the bone and rub it like a ski pole. Your dad? Gay. Your priest? Straight. @#%^ off and let me post. It's not true, it's all in good fun. Now go away.