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Describe the worst blow-job you ever had.Follow
Fu[Aqua][/Aqua]cking Brilliant!
"I started out with nothin' and I still got most of it left" - Seasick Steve
Don't drink 6 beers at one time? Brilliant!
I would... But it involves mass pain in which I just had to say "You know what. I think I'm good."
Some time ago in a thread about poorly performing PC memory, I wrote:
I was expecting to hear about the morning after a particularly hardy night of drinking. Like a dead hooker in the bathtub, or something. I once awoke next to some random nubile thing with the stench of liquor and ****** permeating my very being, and made my way out of her home after collecting some of her marijuana stash. I made the long walk home, giggling to myself at the stolen pot and the animal acts we had performed the night before, thinking myself quite the rogue. It wasn't until I jumped in the shower and began washing her off that I realized her revenge.
The lazy broad had deposited a wad of chewing gum in the afro below my equator. I had no choice but to scissor the gum out of my pubic jungle. I recall seeing a wastebasket next to her bed, and wondered why she hadn't taken the extra time to fling the gum into the trashcan. In the end I thought of it like the tree next to a roller coaster, where folks stick their gum before embarking on the wild ride so as to not choke on it. I also counted my blessings that I hadn't woke with a roll of certs inserted in my cavity.
Moral of the story: sorry, there really isn't one, but good luck with your memory, or lack thereof.
The lazy broad had deposited a wad of chewing gum in the afro below my equator. I had no choice but to scissor the gum out of my pubic jungle. I recall seeing a wastebasket next to her bed, and wondered why she hadn't taken the extra time to fling the gum into the trashcan. In the end I thought of it like the tree next to a roller coaster, where folks stick their gum before embarking on the wild ride so as to not choke on it. I also counted my blessings that I hadn't woke with a roll of certs inserted in my cavity.
Moral of the story: sorry, there really isn't one, but good luck with your memory, or lack thereof.
The worst? That would be the bj that left me with scrapes and cuts up and down my ****. I can only imagine the carnage if I had let her finish instead of grabbing her by the ears and pulling her off.
The one you gave me.
Next time, take your teeth out.
Next time, take your teeth out.
Quote:
Describe the worst blow-job you ever had.
.....to....much....teethage......
Barkingturtle wrote:
Some time ago in a thread about poorly performing PC memory, I wrote:
I was expecting to hear about the morning after a particularly hardy night of drinking. Like a dead hooker in the bathtub, or something. I once awoke next to some random nubile thing with the stench of liquor and ****** permeating my very being, and made my way out of her home after collecting some of her marijuana stash. I made the long walk home, giggling to myself at the stolen pot and the animal acts we had performed the night before, thinking myself quite the rogue. It wasn't until I jumped in the shower and began washing her off that I realized her revenge.
The lazy broad had deposited a wad of chewing gum in the afro below my equator. I had no choice but to scissor the gum out of my pubic jungle. I recall seeing a wastebasket next to her bed, and wondered why she hadn't taken the extra time to fling the gum into the trashcan. In the end I thought of it like the tree next to a roller coaster, where folks stick their gum before embarking on the wild ride so as to not choke on it. I also counted my blessings that I hadn't woke with a roll of certs inserted in my cavity.
Moral of the story: sorry, there really isn't one, but good luck with your memory, or lack thereof.
The lazy broad had deposited a wad of chewing gum in the afro below my equator. I had no choice but to scissor the gum out of my pubic jungle. I recall seeing a wastebasket next to her bed, and wondered why she hadn't taken the extra time to fling the gum into the trashcan. In the end I thought of it like the tree next to a roller coaster, where folks stick their gum before embarking on the wild ride so as to not choke on it. I also counted my blessings that I hadn't woke with a roll of certs inserted in my cavity.
Moral of the story: sorry, there really isn't one, but good luck with your memory, or lack thereof.
Now that's how you impersonate Thundra!
Next time, use the word "****".
THAT INQUERY DOES NOT COMPUTE
I just finished taking a leak and went into my ex's room. I didn't think we were going to do anything, but next thing I know, only moments after using the bathroom, she's down on her knees about to do her thing.
I'm not sure if it's I didn't shake enough...or there was still residue left or whatnot...but seconds after she starts...she runs off to the bathroom gagging as if U just forced her to lick the bottom of my shoe.
So there I sat, on her chair (or was it her bed?) with my pants around my anckles and not the darndest clue what I was gunna do next. Felt embarressed and just pulled my pants up.
She came back and I told her that I -just- used the bathroom and she just nods. She then felt bad from the huge drama scene she made. Specially when I reminded her that she's done worse and I paid no mind to it and 'kept going.'
It was an ackward day.
I'm not sure if it's I didn't shake enough...or there was still residue left or whatnot...but seconds after she starts...she runs off to the bathroom gagging as if U just forced her to lick the bottom of my shoe.
So there I sat, on her chair (or was it her bed?) with my pants around my anckles and not the darndest clue what I was gunna do next. Felt embarressed and just pulled my pants up.
She came back and I told her that I -just- used the bathroom and she just nods. She then felt bad from the huge drama scene she made. Specially when I reminded her that she's done worse and I paid no mind to it and 'kept going.'
It was an ackward day.
Sir Exodus wrote:
Specially when I reminded her that she's done worse and I paid no mind to it and 'kept going.'
Are we talking yellow, brown, or red here?
It involved a tub of Soft Spread Butter, 1 double stuffed oreo, and a can of Scotchguard.
I don't remember the rest.
I don't remember the rest.
NephthysWanderer wrote:
It involved a tub of Soft Spread Butter, 1 double stuffed oreo, a can of Scotchguard and Kenny Loggins.
I don't remember the rest.
I don't remember the rest.
"worst blow-job" Oxymoron of the week.
Jawbox the Furtive wrote:
Sir Exodus wrote:
Specially when I reminded her that she's done worse and I paid no mind to it and 'kept going.'
Are we talking yellow, brown, or red here?
We're talking about that which bears no color...that which can be silent, but deadly...
Sir Exodus wrote:
I'm not sure if it's I didn't shake enough...or there was still residue left or whatnot...but seconds after she starts...she runs off to the bathroom gagging as if U just forced her to lick the bottom of my shoe.
That is nothing. Just for the love of Bob, don't shoot it in her eye. It stings like a red hot poker is shoved to your retinas. A trip to the eye doctor for that is beyond embarrassing.
Thumbelyna the Hand wrote:
Sir Exodus wrote:
I'm not sure if it's I didn't shake enough...or there was still residue left or whatnot...but seconds after she starts...she runs off to the bathroom gagging as if U just forced her to lick the bottom of my shoe.
That is nothing. Just for the love of Bob, don't shoot it in her eye. It stings like a red hot poker is shoved to your retinas. A trip to the eye doctor for that is beyond embarrassing.
I make it my business to not shoot anywhere near her general direction. I never found "busting on a girl's face" sexy or kinky; just gross. Add to that that I don't even like the idea of swallowing/spitting.
If I'm being finished off with a BJ, just have a hanky nearby as to not make a mess. kthnx.
Thumbelyna the Hand wrote:
That is nothing. Just for the love of Bob, don't shoot it in her eye. It stings like a red hot poker is shoved to your retinas. A trip to the eye doctor for that is beyond embarrassing.
I did that once. She did say it burned like crazy, but fortunately no trip to the doctor was necessary. We still get a good laugh out of it to this day. I was actually quite proud of the moment to be quite honest...
Quote:
Describe the worst blow-job you ever had.
Can't say I can point out a 'worst', I have to agree this is the oxymoron of the week ^^
Feel sorry for the guy who got the gum though..
Quote:
Add to that that I don't even like the idea of swallowing/spitting.
I must say, until I had a girl do it I thought the same. But it was friggin awesome. But if she doesnt, be prepared for "Cleanup Aisle 3!!!"
Edited, Mon May 8 13:44:53 2006 by Zisaa
After a night of drinking, me and the lady friend were on the couch. We had been friends for awhile, but never more than that. However, the fact we hadn't seen each other in awhile, coupled with the amount of alcohal we had consumed, and compounded by the fact that we were each other's only available outlet for sexual gratification: lead us to be quite interested in each other.
Until she mentioned how she didn't shave her legs. At all. Ever.
We didn't get past the foreplay. For, try as I might, I could not get that mental image out of my head.
Definatly worst BJ ever.
Until she mentioned how she didn't shave her legs. At all. Ever.
We didn't get past the foreplay. For, try as I might, I could not get that mental image out of my head.
Definatly worst BJ ever.
"The Rich are there to take all of the money & pay none of the taxes, the middle class is there to do all the work and pay all the taxes, and the poor are there to scare the crap out of the middle class." -George Carlin
Omegavegeta wrote:
After a night of drinking, me and the lady friend were on the couch. We had been friends for awhile, but never more than that. However, the fact we hadn't seen each other in awhile, coupled with the amount of alcohal we had consumed, and compounded by the fact that we were each other's only available outlet for sexual gratification: lead us to be quite interested in each other.
Until she mentioned how she didn't shave her legs. At all. Ever.
We didn't get past the foreplay. For, try as I might, I could not get that mental image out of my head.
Definatly worst BJ ever.
Until she mentioned how she didn't shave her legs. At all. Ever.
We didn't get past the foreplay. For, try as I might, I could not get that mental image out of my head.
Definatly worst BJ ever.
Wait, so I'm confused here, did you suck her di[Chocolate][/Chocolate]ck or did she suck yours?
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