Everything in life is governed by a few simple rules. The rules vary, depending on what it is that needs governing, but everything you do has to meet some criteria to be considered successful, has to follow some guidelines to be valid.
Take posting on the interwebs. Now, some of you will bristle automaticly at the very suggestion that you may be somehow lacking in the posting skill catagory, but who are you trying to kid? A concensus is a concensus for a reason.
In an effort to help some of you out, maybe even increase your ability just a bit, allow me to set forth for you the rules that really should govern your posting.
#1: If you are going to swing an e-peen, make sure a virgin *** can feel it. Some of you no name dipsh;ts indiscriminantly mash the post message button and expect lavished praise like you're Bob's gift to the interwebs. We've heard it all before. You're not special and your opinion doesn't mean sh;t to us.
#2: If you are going to take on another poster, make sure you have the stamina to engage. Dropping a flame or two and then ducking off to a dark corner and pulling out the picture of your breast-feeding mother you just so you can rub out a therapeutic nut is not only creepy and wrong, but it makes you look like a jack ***, cementing your reputation and future position as board glory hole.
#3: If you are going to use the word "we" to create some false sense of inclusion, refrain from breathing. You are not We. We is we. You are they, and likely always will be. We neither cares what you think or how you feel. We is a cold ******* with no more desire to be included in a group with you than it would have it's ********* clamped in a vise and hammered.
They're simple concepts. If you try and follow them, incorporating them in to your daily life, the possibility exists you can someday not be a complete cnut. As important as they are, however, the key to posting here, and not getting bashed in to oblivion, is simply this...
Don't suck.
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Take out your syllabusFollow
. . . and since when did "We" need advice from some Viking throwback about how to post on the interwebs?
Wanna teach us grammer and speling while you're at it, ace?
Some of us (as opposed to "We") use real life to feel smarter than the rest. Loitering here can be a diversion from life's little strains and pains. So what happens when the only thing that lifts you from the misery of Bag-Ladies looking down on you, is an interwebs forum?
Yep, you have t3h bIg w0rdz and can conjugate 15 declentions of the 6 moods of the verb "To PwN". You probably don't even have to google your answers, but your posts smell like the last person to leave the sauna after the ******** and lepers choked their way out to escape the stench.
Sure, you can sniff out a n00b or a wannabe at 50 paces, but when are you going to put something original above the parapet?
Wanna teach us grammer and speling while you're at it, ace?
Some of us (as opposed to "We") use real life to feel smarter than the rest. Loitering here can be a diversion from life's little strains and pains. So what happens when the only thing that lifts you from the misery of Bag-Ladies looking down on you, is an interwebs forum?
Yep, you have t3h bIg w0rdz and can conjugate 15 declentions of the 6 moods of the verb "To PwN". You probably don't even have to google your answers, but your posts smell like the last person to leave the sauna after the ******** and lepers choked their way out to escape the stench.
Sure, you can sniff out a n00b or a wannabe at 50 paces, but when are you going to put something original above the parapet?
"I started out with nothin' and I still got most of it left" - Seasick Steve
Oh, goody! A swordfight.
Flea wrote:
Oh, goody! A co[b][/b]ckfight.
Quote:
You're not special
Couldn't have said it better myself. The almighty "We" on these boards are nothing but petulant children. Do you really think that anyone that post on "Your Forums" gives a rat's *** about you? Not a bit. There's nothing better then seeing an Asylumite get bent out of shape because some so-called Fanboi came cruising in here for a cheap piece of a[/i]ss. Bend over and take it like a man, Nancy.
Quote:
You are not We. We is we. You are they, and likely always will be.
Thank Christ. I wonder though, do you speak for all your godless brethren? Just because you can't get over that ***** you dated and ran off with your Dad doesn't mean you need to take out your angst on the rest of the world. It's ok to let it go. Go on, cry a little, you might like it. At least this one won't come with the obligatory shot to the nuts, which "We" all know you whole-heartedly deserve.
In short, put a fu[i]cking sock in it skippy. All you have managed to do is write some guide lines on how not to be an as[/i]shole.
Take care.
[i]Edited, Mon Feb 6 17:23:23 2006 by kaeleshtheklingon
kaeleshtheklingon wrote:
Whoosh!Eld wrote:
kaeleshtheklingon
wrote:
wrote:
RRAAWWR! Klingon smash!
Whoosh! Better.
kaeleshtheklingon wrote:
Wah Wah Wah
There might be nasty loud noises to frighten your iddy-biddy *** so take the comfort blanket and the "My Little Pony" Butt-Plug and play with your train-set.
You're the 3rd guard from the left in Act III Scene iv who spends 30 years calling everybody "Dahhhling" after you got kickedd off of the 9th grade Hamlet.
Sheesh!
"I started out with nothin' and I still got most of it left" - Seasick Steve
Quote:
Whoosh! ******************* off and get your own cripple-fight thread ball-sucker.
There might be nasty loud noises to frighten your iddy-biddy *** so take the comfort blanket and the "My Little Pony" Butt-Plug and play with your train-set.
You're the 3rd guard from the left in Act III Scene iv who spends 30 years calling everybody "Dahhhling" after you got kickedd off of the 9th grade Hamlet.
Sheesh!
There might be nasty loud noises to frighten your iddy-biddy *** so take the comfort blanket and the "My Little Pony" Butt-Plug and play with your train-set.
You're the 3rd guard from the left in Act III Scene iv who spends 30 years calling everybody "Dahhhling" after you got kickedd off of the 9th grade Hamlet.
Sheesh!
My point exactly. When your done crying, I could use a bl[/i]owjob.
[i]Edited, Mon Feb 6 17:30:37 2006 by kaeleshtheklingon
A prime example. 
publiusvarus wrote:
we all know liberals are well adjusted american citizens who only want what's best for society. While conservatives are evil money grubbing scum who only want to sh*t on the little man and rob the world of its resources.
Umm I lost the syllabus and failed the test. Any chance for extra credit?
Nothing to hard though, please. I have a WoW raid this weekend.
Nothing to hard though, please. I have a WoW raid this weekend.
It's a pretty big leap of faith to even assume some of these fu[i][/i]cks know what a syllabus is. If you're going to address the group this is no doubt directed at, you may want to make it so you don't completely lose them as soon as they click on the thread.
Just sayin'
Just sayin'
Some people are like slinkies, they aren't really good for anything, but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down the stairs.
Kakar the Vile wrote:
It's a pretty big leap of faith to even assume some of these fu[/i]cks know what a syllabus is. If you're going to address the group this is no doubt directed at, you may want to make it so you don't completely lose them as soon as they click on the thread.
Just sayin'
Just sayin'
I just figured that this was addressed to "We" so that "We" had another excuse to have a chuckle at the expense of they. That, and moe just wanted to say "We" some more. I think he's grown quite accustomed to using it. Only a matter of time before he starts that **** at home and is sleeping on the couch with a ratty afghan and a toy train poking him in the back.
[i]Edited, Mon Feb 6 17:55:29 2006 by Jacobsdeception
Quote:
Only a matter of time before he starts that sh*t at home and is sleeping on the couch with a ratty afghan and a toy train poking him in the back.
He hopes that's all it is poking him in the back...
Some people are like slinkies, they aren't really good for anything, but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down the stairs.
"They're made out of meat."
"Meat?"
"Meat. They're made out of meat."
"Meat?"
"There's no doubt about it. We picked up several from different parts of the planet, took them aboard our recon vessels, and probed them all the way through. They're completely meat."
"That's impossible. What about the radio signals? The messages to the stars?"
"They use the radio waves to talk, but the signals don't come from them. The signals come from machines."
"So who made the machines? That's who we want to contact."
"They made the machines. That's what I'm trying to tell you. Meat made the machines."
"That's ridiculous. How can meat make a machine? You're asking me to believe in sentient meat."
"I'm not asking you, I'm telling you. These creatures are the only sentient race in that sector and they're made out of meat."
"Maybe they're like the orfolei. You know, a carbon-based intelligence that goes through a meat stage."
"Nope. They're born meat and they die meat. We studied them for several of their life spans, which didn't take long. Do you have any idea what's the life span of meat?"
"Spare me. Okay, maybe they're only part meat. You know, like the weddilei. A meat head with an electron plasma brain inside."
"Nope. We thought of that, since they do have meat heads, like the weddilei. But I told you, we probed them. They're meat all the way through."
"No brain?"
"Oh, there's a brain all right. It's just that the brain is made out of meat! That's what I've been trying to tell you."
"So ... what does the thinking?"
"You're not understanding, are you? You're refusing to deal with what I'm telling you. The brain does the thinking. The meat."
"Thinking meat! You're asking me to believe in thinking meat!"
"Yes, thinking meat! Conscious meat! Loving meat. Dreaming meat. The meat is the whole deal! Are you beginning to get the picture or do I have to start all over?"
"Omigod. You're serious then. They're made out of meat."
"Thank you. Finally. Yes. They are indeed made out of meat. And they've been trying to get in touch with us for almost a hundred of their years."
"Omigod. So what does this meat have in mind?"
"First it wants to talk to us. Then I imagine it wants to explore the Universe, contact other sentiences, swap ideas and information. The usual."
"We're supposed to talk to meat."
"That's the idea. That's the message they're sending out by radio. 'Hello. Anyone out there. Anybody home.' That sort of thing."
"They actually do talk, then. They use words, ideas, concepts?"
"Oh, yes. Except they do it with meat."
"I thought you just told me they used radio."
"They do, but what do you think is on the radio? Meat sounds. You know how when you slap or flap meat, it makes a noise? They talk by flapping their meat at each other. They can even sing by squirting air through their meat."
"Omigod. Singing meat. This is altogether too much. So what do you advise?"
"Officially or unofficially?"
"Both."
"Officially, we are required to contact, welcome and log in any and all sentient races or multibeings in this quadrant of the Universe, without prejudice, fear or favor. Unofficially, I advise that we erase the records and forget the whole thing."
"I was hoping you would say that."
"It seems harsh, but there is a limit. Do we really want to make contact with meat?"
"I agree one hundred percent. What's there to say? 'Hello, meat. How's it going?' But will this work? How many planets are we dealing with here?"
"Just one. They can travel to other planets in special meat containers, but they can't live on them. And being meat, they can only travel through C space. Which limits them to the speed of light and makes the possibility of their ever making contact pretty slim. Infinitesimal, in fact."
"So we just pretend there's no one home in the Universe."
"That's it."
"Cruel. But you said it yourself, who wants to meet meat? And the ones who have been aboard our vessels, the ones you probed? You're sure they won't remember?"
"They'll be considered crackpots if they do. We went into their heads and smoothed out their meat so that we're just a dream to them."
"A dream to meat! How strangely appropriate, that we should be meat's dream."
"And we marked the entire sector unoccupied."
"Good. Agreed, officially and unofficially. Case closed. Any others? Anyone interesting on that side of the galaxy?"
"Yes, a rather shy but sweet hydrogen core cluster intelligence in a class nine star in G445 zone. Was in contact two galactic rotations ago, wants to be friendly again."
"They always come around."
"And why not? Imagine how unbearably, how unutterably cold the Universe would be if one were all alone ..."
What the hell is that from?
Some people are like slinkies, they aren't really good for anything, but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down the stairs.
Kakar the Vile wrote:
What the hell is that from?
http://www.terrybisson.com/meat.html
You'll pardon me, oh aged one, if I don't go right out to find some literary work to bastardize on the backs of the assorted characters here. If that's what passes for "something original", then you can count me right out.
See, its easy for you to use real life to feel smarter than the rest. You work in public health. Aside from knowing what to and what not to cut, most doctors are morons, and the administrators generally wouldn't know their *** from a hole in the ground if you erected lights and baricade around the open manhole. Me, I'm smarter than just about everybody I have ever met, so a good conversation is hard to find without lowering my expectations. You lot make that easy.
See, its easy for you to use real life to feel smarter than the rest. You work in public health. Aside from knowing what to and what not to cut, most doctors are morons, and the administrators generally wouldn't know their *** from a hole in the ground if you erected lights and baricade around the open manhole. Me, I'm smarter than just about everybody I have ever met, so a good conversation is hard to find without lowering my expectations. You lot make that easy.
43 posts
Long thread, I don't get what it's about.
Its about that movie syllabus.
You know, the girl with skitzo with 20 or so personalities.
You know, the girl with skitzo with 20 or so personalities.
Excuse me, but are there people posting in this thread? I cant seem to see around Moebius' giant postcount-peen.
You Sir, are a brynx.
and?
the sh[/b]it was already stirred up, i just put in my 2cents and life continued to go on. I enjoy reading a number of the threads in here, but watching someone swing a post-peen makes me giggle like a school girl. I commented mostly because i'd rather not sit quietly while he acts like the BMOC because he proclaims to be part of the asylum "we." And I still chuckle to see that a lot of the regulars bi[b]tchslapped him for that.
the sh[/b]it was already stirred up, i just put in my 2cents and life continued to go on. I enjoy reading a number of the threads in here, but watching someone swing a post-peen makes me giggle like a school girl. I commented mostly because i'd rather not sit quietly while he acts like the BMOC because he proclaims to be part of the asylum "we." And I still chuckle to see that a lot of the regulars bi[b]tchslapped him for that.
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