The Last SupperFollow

You and Git could be a team on an Asylum scavenger hunt. While you'd get lost in a paper bag, he'd get lost the moment you poked a hole in it and escaped.

I'd have to team up with Thundra-- splitting lanes enroute to wherever the next item on the list was-- whew! I'd take trail so I could hear those Yosh pipes scream.

Speaking of splitting lanes, on my way back home, I got on the 405 and slid in behind a cycle Chippie. I stayed back about 10 yards as he split lanes, and when people saw him they automatically moved over even though he was already past them. It was like riding cycle behind Moses as he parted the Red Sea on his Kawa. In no time I was zipping between cars right behind him doing 65-70 while all the cages were stuck in traffic doing stop and go. It was awesome! When he left the freeway around Ventura, he waved and gave me a thumbs up.

Muy frio! In Git-speak, that means very cool.

Totem

For the record I am not hispanic, you can thank lobster boy, Totem, for that impression.

It is too bad I had to dive back into L.A. traffic today or I would have spent it refuting the endless misinformation and misrepresentations the board fiction writer has spewed (not Thundra, Totem) all afternoon. Personally I think it’s his midwestern provincialism that allows for such narrow views of people of color I.E. people with a tan. Honestly you should have seen his face when he met me. I thought he was going to bolt in fear, jabbering about the darkies sitting with the proper folk. I guess he avoids the more liberal areas of San Francisco (and here I thought a gay orgy was a sure thing with at least him).

While my predilection for little to no short term memory and a complete absence of any sense of direction is true I could at least say the Baton Death March, Smash sent us on and Totem bemoaned, was in fact, physically, no more than an afternoon stroll to me, however metaphysically it is a whole different tortilla. To my dying day I will be in everlasting fear of an acquaintance mentioning he saw me walking, WALKING!! for bob's sake, in L.A. You just don't do that unless you are poor. I am so ashamed. I hope the sunglasses hid my appearance atiquitly.

Totem reminded me of the happy go lucky guy you can't help but like and can't help but hate. Sometimes he's too nice, sometimes he's too happy and sometimes you wish he was a woman because, god damnit, you just know he would agree with you on anything and if he had to disagree wouldn't drive you to drink. Ok I was just jealous of all the looks he and Smash exchanged. At times, I almost wish I would leave and let nature run its course. I really don't think you could inflict any damage upon his ego verbally short of a flame thrower.

Smash was actually a pretty nice guy if you avoid mentioning anything to do with religion or politics. With the former if you disagreed with him he would devolve into a spluttering mass of contempt and derision and with the latter if you disagreed with him he would devolve into a spluttering mass of contempt and derision. Honestly I have no idea what he said at those moments. It’s really hard to understand a guy who lets his dyslexia get out of control when he's upset.

Don't misunderstand me, Smash was a really nice guy. After all when I first walked up to him and asked "Tim?" and shook his hand, I could really see his excitement when he thought Totem had finally arrived (must be some awesome cybering you two do for that). While his face did fall when I let him down he did not verbally express regret. Hell, I expected a "Who the hell invited you" or a "Gitwho?" Why at times I even felt I was one of the big boys of the board and not some hanger on that crashed the party.

Thundra, hmmm Thundra was an enigma wrapped up in a mystery wrapped up inside a soft taco shell. We each had our theories we would debate, while Smash and Totem avoided their obvious mutual attraction, concerning what he... uh she... uh it... uh shim would look like. As Totem stated, Smash went with his fantasy: a 19 year old chubby Korean boy working as a personal assistant to David Hasselhoff. Totem, of course went with the most horrible thing he could think of: a young Goth chick. I stuck with a transvestite. I guess I was just confused.

Thundra turned out to be, of all things, a caricature of the postal worker. Wounded in the line of duty by an angry civilian. Kudos to him, will he be biting dogs next, who knows?

At any rate it's nice to know at times you aren't the only fallible one around and, despite the obvious, surprised you were glad to meet people you weren't sure you would introduce to your disillusioned hard-bitten grandfather on his happiest day of his life: the day his carping wife died.


Edit: Somehow Totem's bit got lost. Damn gnomes.

Edited, Thu May 20 20:58:40 2004 by GitSlayer

So, Flea, Gitslayer doesn't count at least in the subjective sense of being a person of color? Ok, so while he may not qualify for low interest loans he's got a ton more pigment than burnt and peeling ol' me. After all, that's all it is we're talking about right? Unless you're discussing the spectacular purple hues of the penises of men of Dutch stock. Besides, I'm so sunburnt I could pass for a Sioux today...

Totem

I'll post a bit more later, but for now, I'll just spit out a few responses and impressions really quickly.

Kao: Totem was joking about the whole 'Kao got Thundra banned' thing.

Deathwysh: I really don't know anything about digital cameras, but since you asked, the camera I bought is a 'Sony Cyber-shot DSC-T1', with 5 megapixel storage, 2.5 inch hybrid LCD monitor, 3x zoom, and a Carl Zeiss lens. I know what some of that means, like the storage and zoom, but I have no idea what differentiates a 'hybrid LCD' from a 'typical LCD', nor do I know what a 'Carl Zeiss lens' is. 'Carl Zeiss' could be a euphemism for 'Shi[/i]tty Lens' for all I know, just like 'Genuine Austrian Crystal' is code for 'glass'.

Impressions...

Totem: Pretty much what I expected. Very very easy-going, cheerful, good natured, blah blah blah. Call it whatever you want, but what it boils down to is that he's a pus[i]sy. I would have said as much to his face, but he looked like he could totally kick my ***. Knowing what I do about his gentle nature though, he probably would have settled with giving me a noogie, and then apologized while handing me a conciliatory lollipop.

Smash: I'm sad to report that Smash, the individual we all love to hate, appears to have died while metamorphising from his board personaltiy into a living, breathing, human being. It's reminiscent of the story of Pinnochio, except that at the end of this story, when Pinnochio becomes a real boy, the White Fairy accidentally lobotomizes him, too. He wasn't uptight, cantankerous, confrontational, irrationally stubborn, or abusive. He was friendly. Honest-to-goodness, he was actually friendly. He was smiling almost the entire time, despite the fact he wasn't maiming anyone or making them cry. I couldn't have been on the receiving end of his insults more than a half dozen times- and all of them were relatively benign. He was still as sharp as he is on the board, but unlike myself, he isn't handicapped by his need to sharpen his wit with time- it's keen, straight out of the box.

While listening to him speak, he would occasionally use certain words that would trigger memories- usually of the painful variety wherein he'd castigated me.

Git: Apparently, Git is unaccustomed to concepts like 'diplomacy' and 'tact'. No more than 5 minutes had gone by-- barely enough time to exchange the obligatory handshake and "Hello"-- before he had somehow twisted an otherwise pleasant conversation into an attack on my character; citing my insecurity, need for attention, and my dwindling, one-trick-pony, brand of appeal. Of course, Smash was more than happy to elaborate on the caricature by comparing myself to Steve Guttenberg.

I'm sure that all four of us had unflattering things to say, but you're the only one that had the nuts to come out with it. Good on you! Despite being blessed with an over-abundance of forthrightness, he seemed to be a relatively genial individual. More importantly, after listening to him describe his job as a Civil Enginer: Methane Mitigation Specialist, I can now say that I personally know the person with the world's most obscure job title.

The funny thing is, it's true Smash compared Thundra to Steve Guttenburg-- and then we all laughed at his expense.

I'm not sure what people expected of me, as apparently Smash thought Git was what he thought I'd be; Git must have thought I'd be a white supremacist festooned with swastikas, pockets bulging with poorly printed "manifestos" accusing the John birch society of being too soft on them darkies; and Thundra just laughed when he shook my hand. I'm not sure what that was all about.

But, yes, Git laid into Thundra just a few minutes after we'd made our introductions just as he described. We then had a chuckle about how Git was the angry bitter one of the board, second only to Mren perhaps in an impotent rage. I put it all to breathing too much unmitigated methane in the course of doing his job, causing some kind of chemical imbalance.

I was surprised at how many nods of agreement we all had on our trek when we discussed political matters. There was none of the threat of violence percolating under the surface causing each of us to watch the others carefully when stepping too close to the curb as cars passed narrowly by. But then maybe we were trying to be circumspect in our more outrageous opinions for the sake of easy going companionship.

Totem

Principle, I suppose.

Well, I wouldn't even mention it except that it was a point intentionally made, which in light of the amount of money that he ostensibly gambles with is negligible.

I dunno, Smash, you have an explanation?

Totem

That I couldn't afford $4 for coffee while visiting LA for month?

I mean, the Premium membership did tap a good deal of my McDonalds salary, but I could have gotten the coffee.

Chalk me up as a cheap ******* I guess :)

Lol, ok, Smash. You shoulda seen it-- Thundra got nabbed by the pink shirted maitre'd as his way out the door. That was funny.

Totem

Pshaw! I can't scrounge up controversy if I tried.

Sorta like wearing a shirt saying "I hate jews, blacks, and pigs" in the middle of Times Square, huh?

Lest Totem taint the retelling of the events that transpired, I'll do the honors.

During the festivities, we consumed a total of 4 sodas/teas and 2 hamburgers. I threw a dub on the table, assuming it would be sufficient to cover the bill. I was distracted, and really wasn't thinking. My math skills certainly leave something to be desired, but even I should have known better. I'd forgotten two important factors:

1. We were eating at a restaurant owned by Jews.
2. The restaurant wasn't owned by your typical Jews, these were 'Super Jews to the Extreme'.

Anyway, I left the money on the table and we all collectively left. About 10 seconds after we parted ways, I realized, "Oh sh[i][/i]it! I bet I didn't leave enough- certainly not enough for an adequate tip."

So I hobbled back to the diner and spoke to the cashier. Basically, the conversation consisted of me apologizing profusely multiple times and asking what the total had been, so that I could pay the delinquent balance and leave an appropriate gratuity.

Anyway, to make a longer story slightly less long, I had to talk to three people before I got an answer. The answer I got was: I was $2.23 short (or something close to that)... but the debt had been paid by a mysterious benefactor. As I was attempting to discern the identity of this do-gooder, Totem casually saunters by and tells me he paid it.

Apparently, they were *this close* to breaking Totem's kneecaps with a menorah.

The way the manager in pink was pursing his lips at him I believe he would have required something a little more or less horrid.