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any advice for a broken marriage?Follow

#27 Apr 27 2004 at 7:14 PM Rating: Decent
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Kristal, he's the one that wants to split up, why the hell should you be the one to leave. If he's made up his mind, tell him to move out, why should you have to give up your home as well as your marriage? If he does have someone else, how would you feel if he moved her in after you left? Make him go live with her, or go home to his mummy.
#28 Apr 27 2004 at 7:31 PM Rating: Decent
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Quote:
Thought maybe if someone had experienced the same thing they could give advice:) T


Stop playing mmorpgs. I know, it's a big assumption, but look where you're posting this at. Delete every game off your computer (after closing down the accounts), and go to the movies with your $15.00/month.
#29 Apr 27 2004 at 7:32 PM Rating: Good
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1,907 posts
Listen to Flea and Bluie, if he can get YOU to move out, he can whine, that you "left" him. You will not be able to prove he told you to do it.

I agree with the move on part, just be very careful, that you are not giving up anything but the a$$hat.

I have seen both men and women treated very unfairly in a divorce, usually by the one who knows how to manipulate the other more innocent one, see a lawyer fast.
#30 Apr 27 2004 at 7:37 PM Rating: Decent
If you truly care about someone then you will want them to be happy. You can worry all you want about not getting back together but that is selfish. Selfishness inevitably ruins relationships in one form or another. Just leave him and let him live with his decision. If you dont then he will resent you. If you let him have the time he asks for then two things will happen
a> He will begin to miss you and see his mistake
or
b> He will realise he is happier without you and you two will go your separate ways.
Either way both of you will be happy because you should want him to be happy. I can tell you what would happen if you stay though....
A> He will resent you mroe and more until you get into a huge fight and hate each other.
I know this isnt easy to hear but it's just the way it is.
::edit::
If indeed you have contributed to the household tell him to leave. If he pays all the bills don't tell a man to leave his own house.

Edited, Tue Apr 27 20:47:57 2004 by Lefein
#31 Apr 28 2004 at 1:54 AM Rating: Decent
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#32 Apr 28 2004 at 5:08 AM Rating: Decent
I think the answer to this is simple..

You are playing WAY too much FF XI if you are a summoner :)
#33 Apr 28 2004 at 5:16 AM Rating: Good
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564 posts
Smasharoo wrote:

Move on, get some self esteem and **** his best freind.


I'm just guessing here, but ******* her husband's best friend probably isn't the best way to build self esteem.Smiley: wink2

As far as answering the question. If he doesn't want the relationship to work, and has already made up his mind as you say, then you sticking around hoping isn't going to do much to change things.

I'd say move on now while the two of you apparently can still be civil rather than waiting a few years for things to REALLY get ugly.
#34 Apr 28 2004 at 5:20 AM Rating: Good
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564 posts
TwiztidSamurai the Malevolent wrote:
ZING!

My only advice :) since I'm so young :) is not to use so many damn smileys :) in your posts :)


Smileys are the key to happinessSmiley: yippee. Don't knock the smileys dammitSmiley: mad, remember they'll always get you in the endSmiley: sly

Smiley: grin
#35 Apr 28 2004 at 5:22 AM Rating: Good
Nexa
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12,065 posts
I would do what I do in most situations. Ask yourself how you would feel if the situation were reversed and act accordingly. If you didn't want to be with a man anymore, for whatever reason, and had truly decided that it was over, how would you feel if he didn't respect your request for space and just kept trying to convince you that you should be together? Regardless of the reasoning behind his decision, I think you should respect it.

Besides, why settle for trying to convince someone that they want to be with you? Go out and find someone who is crazy about you, you're worth that much.

Listen to Grady, he appears to be a much more happy person than he did in years past. He seems to have improved by leaps and bounds and has much more confidence than he used to. You'll get there too. :)

Nexa
____________________________
“It has always been the prerogative of children and half-wits to point out that the emperor has no clothes. But a half-wit remains a half-wit, and the emperor remains an emperor.”
― Neil Gaiman, The Sandman, Vol. 9: The Kindly Ones
#36 Apr 28 2004 at 5:43 AM Rating: Decent
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Aww, Grady. How does it feel to be a case study?
#37 Apr 28 2004 at 5:47 AM Rating: Good
Nexa
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Well he DID use himself as a case study first! I wouldn't have mentioned him if he hadn't. I always use you when I need a case study for those aspiring to be a Crosscontinuum Copulation Diety of The Great Enigma, though I'm sure they could never live up. ;)

Nexa
____________________________
“It has always been the prerogative of children and half-wits to point out that the emperor has no clothes. But a half-wit remains a half-wit, and the emperor remains an emperor.”
― Neil Gaiman, The Sandman, Vol. 9: The Kindly Ones
#38 Apr 28 2004 at 6:03 AM Rating: Decent
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There can only be one Crosscontinuum Copulation Diety of The Great Enigma though, of course.
#39 Apr 28 2004 at 6:04 AM Rating: Good
Nexa
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Well sure, until you're spent.


Nexa
#40 Apr 28 2004 at 6:07 AM Rating: Decent
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5,372 posts
Plenty of juice in me yet...
#41 Apr 28 2004 at 6:19 PM Rating: Decent
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175 posts
Thanks everyone for your imput:) In response to a question, I didn't really post here for "actual advice" but I was very interested in the response I would get. Amazingly, I got a very positive feedback which i wasn't completely expecting. So for all of you who want to know what I did: I left, on my own terms. Of course i won't give up on our marriage, but i agree with those of you who said the time apart will be good. We will be able to find out in out own hearts and minds if it is something we should invest time in and work on or something that we need to let go;) So, I pack up and go home and hopefully find a place soon enough so I can get broadband and get back to life normally:)
#42 Apr 28 2004 at 7:38 PM Rating: Default
Good luck on your pending divorce and I hope you never marry again. Both you and your immature spouse have no idea what the word commitment means. I really hope you two don't have kids. I feel so sorry for them if you do.

Am I perfect? No, but I will never divorce my wife because I feel "it just won't work". If I felt that way about the marriage, I would have never entered into it.

Is this enough negative feedback for you?

When you walked out that door you made another commitment, to release your husband from his vows of fidelity to you. Don't be hurt or surprised when you see him with another woman.

Be his friend if you want, but if you take him into your bed again, your are more of a loser than you already are. You are opening yourself up to whatever other sexual contacts he has had since the time you have walked out. Remember, if you sleep with him again, you are sleeping with every other woman he has slept with since you split apart.

It's rather obvious he is already got someone else on the side, and you are fooling yourself if you think he doesn't. He's a man, he won't stay celibate any length of time at all, if he ever was. Which I doubt. Otherwise there would have never been a reason to ask you to leave.

I hope you get some sort of counseling, and I don't mean with him. You need it on your own, otherwise you will be another statistic in the hard road of life. I wish you well, please get some help for yourself.
#43 Apr 28 2004 at 7:41 PM Rating: Good
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466 posts
Kristal, do you by any chance live in Canada? If so, I might be able to give you some advice if you guys are considering divorce. It'd probably help you out before you went and spent money on seeing an actual lawyer (I've only just graduated).
#44 Apr 28 2004 at 9:04 PM Rating: Decent
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5,311 posts
All compassion I see Vaanan.

Did you even bother to read her original post? She's not the one checking out of the marriage. She happens to be the one physically vacating the residence.

Actually her story sounds a bit familiar to me, since it's about exactly what my husband and I went through a couple years ago. Moving out and doing my own thing was the best thing I could have done to save our marriage. And yes, I released him (for the duration of our separation) from all bonds of marital fidelity (I had the same freedom). We still went on dates with each other and no, I didn't shut him out of my bedroom. The only demand I made was that he not take any legal action to dissolve our marriage until 6 months had passed.

Nobody has the power to force their partner stay in a marriage they don't want. I knew divorce was a bad move for us. I knew my husband loved me. I also knew that he didn't know these things at that time. Nothing I could say would change his mind.

Sometimes one has to let someone go in order to allow them to discover, on their own, that that's where they want to be.

We'll be celebrating our anniversary next month.

mutters under her breath about judgemental, self rightous, ingorant bastards
#45 Apr 28 2004 at 9:07 PM Rating: Decent
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Quote:
Nexa:
Well sure, until you're spent.

I find it troubling you only post on the thread about bad marriges. Surely everythings ok with the Englishman?
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To make a long story short, I don't take any responsibility for anything I post here. It's not news, it's not truth, it's not serious. It's parody. It's satire. It's bitter. It's angsty. Your mother's a *****. You like to jack off dogs. That's right, you heard me. You like to grab that dog by the bone and rub it like a ski pole. Your dad? Gay. Your priest? Straight. **** off and let me post. It's not true, it's all in good fun. Now go away.

#46 Apr 28 2004 at 9:12 PM Rating: Good
Tracer Bullet
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I wonder if Vaanan holds the same contempt for all divorced people? In 2000 in the U.S. there were over 21 million divorces. That's a lot of pent up anger.
#47 Apr 28 2004 at 9:16 PM Rating: Decent
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5,311 posts
Oh I don't think it's all that pent up. Smiley: sly


And with that vapid statement, I hit 1000.

Edited, Wed Apr 28 22:17:02 2004 by Yanari
#48 Apr 28 2004 at 10:33 PM Rating: Good
Gurue
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Yanari the Puissant wrote:
And with that vapid statement, I hit 1000.


Smiley: yippee
#49 Apr 28 2004 at 11:02 PM Rating: Decent
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3,571 posts
Hey, I'm going the follow the trend of everyone else in this thread:

He's having an affair.
#50 Apr 29 2004 at 12:05 AM Rating: Default
Oh the memories...

Take it from me, your better off without the *******. Second, take everything!!! Burn his clothes.. pawn anything of his of significant value that cant be traced back to you. Trash the joint. We are talking graffitti walls, and trash everywhere. Take all the toilet paper, all the lightbulbs. Leave him one DIRTY fork, spoon, butterknife, and a BROKEN DIRTY glass. Change the locks and dont give him the knew key. You will thank me later.
#51 Apr 29 2004 at 12:19 AM Rating: Default
Yanari the Phoolish wrote:
Did you even bother to read her original post? She's not the one checking out of the marriage. She happens to be the one physically vacating the residence.


Ooooo, please madam, tell me the wonderful difference? A walk-out is still a walk-out. You walk out, you give up on the marriage. My parents never walked out on each other and gave each other a six month breather from the marriage. They had too much respect for the commitments they made to each other. Did they ever fight? Yes, but not in front of us kids, only in private with each other. Why didn't they yell and scream at each other in front of us kids? They were mature people who actually loved and respected each other. And they respected us kids too much to do that to us. Go take a flippin' breather on that, lady.

Marriage isn't about taking a breather every once in a while. It's about love, respect, commitment, etc.

But you obviously have no idea what I'm talking about when I mention love, respect, commitment, and those other big words. You are right there along with all the other little immature kids who are getting married so they can play house.
Oh, but when the going gets a little tough, you decide you can always go home to mama for six months while you test those waters with other folks to decide if you really want to stay with the hubby. You need to grow up and gain a little maturity, also. Why don't you see which counseling service Krystal is going to to see if you all can meet there?

Ok, you can go back to hating me again, hee hee.

Edited, Thu Apr 29 02:22:09 2004 by Vaanan
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