Jokes of the Day 4-7-04Follow

A man comes home from an exhausting day at work, plops down on the couch in front of the television, and tells his wife, “Get me a beer before it starts.”
The wife sighs and gets him a beer.

Fifteen minutes later, the man says, “Get me another beer before it starts.”

She looks cross, but fetches another beer and slams it down next to him.

He finishes that beer and a few minutes later says, “Quick, get me another beer, it's going to start any minute.”

The wife is furious. She yells at him, “Is that all you're going to do tonight? Drink beer and sit in front of that TV? You’re nothing but a lazy, drunken, fat slob, and furthermore…”

The man sighs and says, “It’s started…”

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A most distinguished looking lady walks into a tattoo parlor, and sits down. The owner, amazed at seeing such a sophisticated woman in his seedy tattoo shop, goes over to the woman immediately and asks if he can help her. To his shock, and utter delight, she lifts her designer dress, and points to her left inner thigh—very high up. “Right here,” she says, “I want you to tattoo a turkey with the word ‘Thanksgiving’ under it.”
Then she points to her right inner thigh—just as high up—and says, “On this side, I want you to tattoo a Christmas tree, with lights and tinsel, and an angel on top. And underneath the tree I want the word ‘Christmas.’”

The tattoo artist looks at her, puzzled. He says, “Lady, it’s none of my business, but that is the most unusual request I have ever had. Why in the world would you want that?”

“Well,” the lady said, “I’m sick and tired of my husband always complaining that there is never anything good to eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas.”

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A husband comes home to find his wife with her suitcases packed in the living room. “Where the hell do you think you’re going?” he says.
“I’m going to Las Vegas. You can earn $400 for a ******** there, and I figured that I might as well earn money for what I do to you for free!”

The husband thinks for a moment, goes upstairs, and returns with his suitcase packed, as well.

“Where do you think you going?” the wife exclaims.

“I’m coming with you…I want to see how you survive on $800 a year!”