Zen and How
A Zen master visiting New York City goes up to a hot dog vendor and says, "Make me one with everything."
The hot dog vendor fixes a hot dog and hands it to the Zen master, who pays with a $20 bill.
The vendor puts the bill in the cashbox and closes it. "Excuse me, but where’s my change?" asks the Zen master.
The vendor responds, "Change must come from within."
=================================================================
Polish Joke
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. As the bartender pours it, the guy says, “I just heard the funniest Polish joke! You’ve gotta hear it.”
The bartender leans over the bar and growls, “Buddy, I’m Polish. You see the two big bouncers over there? They’re the Kowalski brothers. Do you still want to tell that Polish joke?”
“Nah,” says the guy. “I don’t want to have to explain it three times.”
================================================================
A Canadian is walking down the street with a case of beer under his arm.
His friend Doug stops him and asks, “Hey Bob! Whacha get the case of beer for?”
“I got it for my wife, eh.” answers Bob.
“Oh!” exclaims Doug, “Good trade.”
·Theme
- Forums
- Cross Site
- The Asylum
- Jokes of the Day 3-15-04
Jokes of the Day 3-15-04Follow
On a beautiful deserted island in the middle of nowhere, the following
people are stranded:
Two Italian men and one Italian woman;
Two French men and one French woman;
Two German men and one German woman;
Two Greek men and one Greek woman;
Two English men and one English woman;
Two Bulgarian men and one Bulgarian woman;
Two Japanese men and one Japanese woman;
Two Chinese men and one Chinese woman;
Two American men and one American woman;
Two Australian men and one Australian woman;
Two New Zealander men and one New Zealander woman;
Two Irish men and one Irish woman.
One month later, the following things have occurred:
One Italian man has killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman.
The two French men and the French woman are living happily together in a
ménage-a-trois.
The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of alternating visits with
the German woman.
The two Greek men are sleeping with each other, the Greek woman is cleaning
and cooking for them.
The two English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the English
woman.
The two Bulgarian men took one long look at the endless ocean and another
long look at the Bulgarian woman and started swimming.
The two Japanese men have faxed Tokyo and are awaiting instructions.
The two Chinese men have set up a pharmacy/liquor store/restaurant/laundry,
and have got the Chinese woman pregnant in order to supply employees for
their store.
The two American men are contemplating the virtues of suicide, because the
American woman keeps on complaining about her body, the true nature of
feminism, how she can do everything they can do, the necessity of
fulfillment, the equal division of household chores, how sand and palm trees
make her look fat, how her last boyfriend respected her opinion and treated
her nicer than they do, and how her relationship with her mother is
improving, and how at least the taxes are low and it isn't raining.
The two Australian men beat each other senseless fighting over the
Australian woman, who is checking out all the other men.
Both New Zealand men are searching the island for sheep.
The two Irish men have divided the island into north and south and set up a
distillery. They do not remember if sex is in the picture because it gets sort of foggy after
the first few litres of coconut whiskey. But they're satisfied because at least the English
aren't having any fun.
people are stranded:
Two Italian men and one Italian woman;
Two French men and one French woman;
Two German men and one German woman;
Two Greek men and one Greek woman;
Two English men and one English woman;
Two Bulgarian men and one Bulgarian woman;
Two Japanese men and one Japanese woman;
Two Chinese men and one Chinese woman;
Two American men and one American woman;
Two Australian men and one Australian woman;
Two New Zealander men and one New Zealander woman;
Two Irish men and one Irish woman.
One month later, the following things have occurred:
One Italian man has killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman.
The two French men and the French woman are living happily together in a
ménage-a-trois.
The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of alternating visits with
the German woman.
The two Greek men are sleeping with each other, the Greek woman is cleaning
and cooking for them.
The two English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the English
woman.
The two Bulgarian men took one long look at the endless ocean and another
long look at the Bulgarian woman and started swimming.
The two Japanese men have faxed Tokyo and are awaiting instructions.
The two Chinese men have set up a pharmacy/liquor store/restaurant/laundry,
and have got the Chinese woman pregnant in order to supply employees for
their store.
The two American men are contemplating the virtues of suicide, because the
American woman keeps on complaining about her body, the true nature of
feminism, how she can do everything they can do, the necessity of
fulfillment, the equal division of household chores, how sand and palm trees
make her look fat, how her last boyfriend respected her opinion and treated
her nicer than they do, and how her relationship with her mother is
improving, and how at least the taxes are low and it isn't raining.
The two Australian men beat each other senseless fighting over the
Australian woman, who is checking out all the other men.
Both New Zealand men are searching the island for sheep.
The two Irish men have divided the island into north and south and set up a
distillery. They do not remember if sex is in the picture because it gets sort of foggy after
the first few litres of coconut whiskey. But they're satisfied because at least the English
aren't having any fun.
Two aliens land on earth to take it over. The first thing they see resembling a life-form is a gas-pump at a gas station. The first alien proceeds to walk up to it and says
"earthling, take me to your leader!"
obviously, he gets no response, so he asks again
"Earthling, take me to your leader or I will destroy you!"
no response again, and the alien is getting really aggravated. The second alien turns to the first and says "I'm gonna go wait on the corner while you deal with this smart-***"
the first alien waits for his friend to get to the corner and again turns to the pump
"this is your last chance, take me to your leader or I will destroy you"
upon not receiving a reply, the alien pulls out his lazer and shoots it at the pump, instantly causing a huge explosion that sends him flying. He lands near his partner at the end of the street.
"I suspected something bad would happen" said the second alien
"if you knew something was going to happen, why the hell didn't you tell me?" asked the first alien
"well, I wasn't really sure," said the second alien, "I just knew I wasn't going to mess with a guy whose d1ck wraps around his body twice, hangs to the ground, and is still long enough to stick in his ear..."
Edited, Mon Mar 15 13:25:14 2004 by pugz
"earthling, take me to your leader!"
obviously, he gets no response, so he asks again
"Earthling, take me to your leader or I will destroy you!"
no response again, and the alien is getting really aggravated. The second alien turns to the first and says "I'm gonna go wait on the corner while you deal with this smart-***"
the first alien waits for his friend to get to the corner and again turns to the pump
"this is your last chance, take me to your leader or I will destroy you"
upon not receiving a reply, the alien pulls out his lazer and shoots it at the pump, instantly causing a huge explosion that sends him flying. He lands near his partner at the end of the street.
"I suspected something bad would happen" said the second alien
"if you knew something was going to happen, why the hell didn't you tell me?" asked the first alien
"well, I wasn't really sure," said the second alien, "I just knew I wasn't going to mess with a guy whose d1ck wraps around his body twice, hangs to the ground, and is still long enough to stick in his ear..."
Edited, Mon Mar 15 13:25:14 2004 by pugz
Last but not least http://www.betastorage.com/b3ta/michael_jackson_on_the_run.jpg a picture is worth 1000 words.
Quote:
The two American men are contemplating the virtues of suicide, because the American woman keeps on complaining about her body, the true nature of feminism, how she can do everything they can do, the necessity of fulfillment, the equal division of household chores, how sand and palm trees make her look fat, how her last boyfriend respected her opinion and treated her nicer than they do, and how her relationship with her mother is improving, and how at least the taxes are low and it isn't raining.
ROFLMAO!!! Gave my roommate and I a chuckle, thanks pugz.
Jophiel wrote:
I managed to be both retarded and entertaining.
Quote:
A Canadian is walking down the street with a case of beer under his arm.
His friend Doug stops him and asks, “Hey Bob! Whacha get the case of beer for?”
“I got it for my wife, eh.” answers Bob.
“Oh!” exclaims Doug, “Good trade.”
His friend Doug stops him and asks, “Hey Bob! Whacha get the case of beer for?”
“I got it for my wife, eh.” answers Bob.
“Oh!” exclaims Doug, “Good trade.”
Boyfriend will love this one! I just know he'd love to try it! heh
Edited, Mon Mar 15 20:07:16 2004 by jewelofmh
"...The two American men are contemplating the virtues of suicide, because the American woman keeps on complaining about her body, the true nature of feminism, how she can do everything they can do, the necessity of fulfillment, the equal division of household chores, how sand and palm trees make her look fat, how her last boyfriend respected her opinion and treated her nicer than they do, and how her relationship with her mother is improving, and how at the Republicans made the taxes low and it isn't raining.
Dark is beating himself senseless over the Australian Goth girl, who is checking out all the other men.
Patrician is searching the island for sheep.
Timothy has set up a distillery. He does not remember if sex is ever in the picture because it gets sort of foggy after the first few litres of coconut whiskey. But he's satisfied because at least Patrician isn't having any fun." --Pugz
FTFY, Pugz
Totem
Dark is beating himself senseless over the Australian Goth girl, who is checking out all the other men.
Patrician is searching the island for sheep.
Timothy has set up a distillery. He does not remember if sex is ever in the picture because it gets sort of foggy after the first few litres of coconut whiskey. But he's satisfied because at least Patrician isn't having any fun." --Pugz
FTFY, Pugz
Totem
Please inform me what the hell "FTFY" is, I am not up to date on my l33t a0l hacker acronyms.
*waves good bye to his pretty red name*
Joke Vid of the day (work safe)
Dont abuse your monkey and he will take care of you.
Clicky
Edited, Tue Mar 16 08:28:36 2004 by pugz
*waves good bye to his pretty red name*
Joke Vid of the day (work safe)
Dont abuse your monkey and he will take care of you.
Clicky
Edited, Tue Mar 16 08:28:36 2004 by pugz
Pugz wrote:
Please inform me what the hell "FTFY" is, I am not up to date on my l33t a0l hacker acronyms.
l33t speak? Ha, I'll show you l33t speak.
Protection
l33t class
Sign outside Kao's yard
l33t for her.
Lol, oh boy, I'll stop now.
Recent Visitors: 316
All times are in CST
Anonymous Guests (316)
- Forums
- Cross Site
- The Asylum
- Jokes of the Day 3-15-04
© 2024 Fanbyte LLC