Jokes of the Day 2-17-04Follow

A teacher asks her students to discuss what their dads do for a living. Little Mary raises her hand first and says, “My dad’s a lawyer for the government. He puts the bad guys in jail.”

Little Jack goes next: “My dad’s a doctor. He makes sick people better.”

All the kids in the class take their turn except Little Walter.

The teacher asks him, “What does your dad do?”

Walter replies, “My dad’s dead.”

“I’m sorry to hear that. What did he do before he died?”

“He turned blue and **** on the living room carpet.”

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A farmer got pulled over by state trooper Jon for speeding, and the trooper started to lecture the farmer about his speed, and in general began to throw his weight around to try to make the farmer uncomfortable. Finally, trooper Jon got around to writing out the ticket, and as he was doing that he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around his head. The farmer said, “Having some problems with circle flies there, are ya?”

Trooper Jon stopped writing the ticket and said, “Well yeah, if that’s what they are—I never heard of circle flies.”

So the farmer said, “Well, circle flies are common on farms. See, they’re called circle flies because they’re almost always found, circling around the back end of a horse.”

The trooper said, “Oh,” and went back to writing the ticket. Then after a minute he stopped and said, “Hey, wait a minute, are you trying to call me a horse’s ***?”

“Oh no, officer. I have too much respect for law enforcement and police officers to even think about calling you a horse’s ***.”

Trooper Jon said, “Well, that’s a good thing,” and went back to writing the ticket.

After a long pause, the farmer said, “Hard to fool them flies though.”

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A man walks into a pharmacy and asks for some condoms with insecticide.

“I think you mean spermicide,” says the cashier.

“No,” he says, “I need condoms with insecticide. My wife has a bug up her ***, and I’m going in after it.”