GWB:
"Everything we do is right and just. I thank you all for being good! We have a choice, vote for me or the terrorists win! 9/11! 9/11!
"I feel so blessed to be an American, and proud and just for saving the poor Iraqi people from the Antichrist. Thank you all for being so patriotic and good.
"We sure showed Bin Laden not to mess with us! No longer will Saddam give refuge to evil terrorists, dangerous men who would eat blessed American children because they hate our freedoms. I congratulate you all for helping win the war on terrorism through pride and goodness.
"We have done much, justly and goodly, but must keep going on. Do not change horses mid stream, or the bloodthirsty terrorists will sodomize our mothers and pour sugar in all of our gas tanks.
"Schools are important. They teach our children to read, to write. Schools must be accountable, and follow our good instructions, or we will give thier funding to more trustworthy religious schools.
"Gay people are an abomination against God's Law, and therefore must not be granted equal protection under the law. We will have to amend the constitution to make sure America maintains it traditions.
"Our elderly thank you for being kind and good to them, by helping them subsidize drug companies and insurance companies. More money must be given the these great, patriotic companies who help the elderly.
"Sports managers, test your players for steroid abuse. Any players found guily will be brought to justice, and classified as enemy combatants, and locked away in Cuba away from legal council and family. We must set a good, just example.
God bless America, and noplace else!
(stop looking at me that way Mr Ashcroft, it was only parody)