Ex-gay?Follow

My husband sent me an article on the NY Times website about social security (which is interesting, by the way, here's the link). On the side bar was this story, which interested me far more. It's an interview with a guy who is vehemently "ex-gay," and who now writes some pretty derogatory things about gay people.

It's pretty long, but it's a good read, if you're interested in that sort of thing. It's interesting because, when he "was gay," he argued strongly for a society where there were no labels like "gay" or "straight." That "sexual and gender identities are culturally constructed rather than biologically fixed."

It's an interesting way to look at things, but I just can't get on board with that. Not because it gives me or anyone else who believes in "gay rights" an edge over anything, but mostly because of my own attractions. I don't feel physically ill seeing two men or two women together, but I have never felt that pull when looking at a woman that I have felt with men. I have loved other women outside of my family, felt close to them and cared very much for them, but there was never a physical aspect to it. Whereas, with some men, it was near impossible to separate both types of love, so I either had to be in a relationship with them, or I couldn't be around them.

Anyway. TLDR: Interesting story about a supposedly ex-gay dude.

Edited, Jun 20th 2011 1:02pm by Belkira

It sort of put me in mind of Shador (sorry, Shador) and his, "I'm a devout JW, the earth is 6,000 years old, no wait, I'm a devout follower of Dawkins and all religious people are stupid," type stuff.

That's not too surprising. I've always felt like most homophobes are just bi-curious (or either full blown) and in denial.

When people do a full 180 like this, I often wonder who they're trying to convince.

They are also really good in bed. I know this because of my learnings.

To anyone contesting it, I'd say say sexual orientation is pretty much set. I'd say this in the same way I'd say water is not poisonous to drink, even though it technically is if consumed in great enough quantities.

More accurately, I do believe there is a flexibility in sexual preferences. I say "preferences," because I include fetishism alongside orientation. However I believe it is something very difficult to direct intentionally and that most people experience it only very miniscule shifts.

I tend to agree with this. In my opinion, there are many people who struggle with trying to be straight when they are really gay. But the reverse is also true, right? Some people adopt the "gay" label when they aren't really gay, and they're just as miserable, but often with a much harder road to travel to find their own comfortable spot in life. I suspect that the guy in that article is one of the latter group.




It's also problematic because our society tends to want to paint us (especially men) as exclusively one or the other. And let's be honest, that's a social pressure that comes just as strongly from the gay side as the straight one. There are enormous pressures within the gay community to continue to "be gay", and far more to be actively gay than there are among straight people. To be fair, that's to be expected when one is a smaller group, but it doesn't make the pressure any less real.


Also, in my experience, by far the strongest and most vehement exhortations against sexual activity with someone not aligned with your own sexual identity tend to come from gay men. I've never in my life told a gay man to his face that his sexual activities are disgusting, much less gone out of my way to describe in detail to him my sexual activities with women. Nearly ever gay man I've known has done the reverse though. I suspect part of it is shock value, but there seems to be a strong current, almost a need among the gay male community to constantly verbalize just how bad heterosexual sex is.


I also wonder how many of them are really trying to convince themselves of this?

That's comparing a sea to a puddle. There are zero external pressures forcing a straight person into a gay lifestyle, and loads flowing the opposite direction.

I can't think of a single man hiding in the closet where that closet happens to be filled with naked ladies.

I can't even begin to imagine how you would have any significant insight into the gay community. It's called the LGBT alliance for a reason.

My lesbian friend came out as bi recently. She grew up in an environment that was rather spiteful toward "breeders", so I think it was a pretty big step for her.

That being said, it sounds to me like this guy opened his mind too much and his brain fell out.
It comes across like he's always been someone who strongly identified with a group/subculture, while still being open minded, and then slipping into another subculture that closed him off to other views.



I think sexual orientation is kind of 'meh', anyway. If I'm interested in men, does that mean I'm interested in people who have a *****? Does being attracted to someone who's genderqueer make me less straight because of the way they see themselves, or am I still straight because they have a *****? I mean, I know where I stand, but I sometimes find it hard to imagine where other people's boundaries are. I've stopped thinking about people in terms of gender half the time because sometimes stuff happens like you don't see someone for half a year, and then their gender has changed, and where does that leave me? I'd rather not think about that too hard.

(ITT: Kali hangs out with too many LGBTQ people and has issues keeping her brain from falling out.)

I find it funny that when I was arguing that this was possible, no one agreed. The response was "the person was just confused".

Back when someone told the story of a woman who was married with 4 children and then "realized" that she was a lesbian. I argued that she was probably straight (since I don't know her) and then became interested in women.

The counter was that you don't change, you just realize your real sexuality. I countered that to say, if you were just "confused" before you "realized" your real sexuality, then how does anyone know that you're just not "confused" now?

The bottom line is that it was a 20 pager about how that can't happen and when Belkira posts an article on a person who claims that he has done the same thing, everyone is like, "eh, I guess it can happen".

In this thread there has been pretty hefty skepticism. I, personally, think the guy might be bi. I don't think he's magically no longer attracted to men in any way.

I'm not seeing any correlation. You've got Belkira here, who seems skeptical. Kali, who didn't really address that issue, though did provide an anecdote that could explain a shifting opinion on it. And Coddy, who didn't talk about that.



Color me surprised.

Edited, Jun 21st 2011 1:19pm by Eske