Looking for adviceFollow

Yes, I want peoples opinion on this.

I have a good week of vacation comming up on Memorial week. From This Saturday to next week Sunday.
The thing is:
I want to visit my Father one last time. I know he pretty much hates what I have done and even has told me not to visit in a round about way of wanting me to visit and then saying "Don't come home" usually a week before I plan to leave. He is in his 80's now and remarried his best friend's wife a year back.
My sister told me after the fact.

Where is the "...." option, cause that's what I would pick.

I guess we're not the only people who don't want you on whom you insist on forcing yourself.

Also, "gay" is not a proper noun and should not be capitalized.

^This sounds like a good idea to me.

Also, would it be possible to just not let him know you're coming to visit until you're already in town?

This was going to be my answer. I'm glad you thought of it.

Ok, I have to appologise about not giving more background on this but I realized I had to run to work.

My Father and I have had a rocky relationship when I came of age. Most of it involved me being pushed into the family business and my realizing that maybe life didnt have to be just Dad's business. I spent my last half of my senior year and also a good chunk of my weekends working at the shop. Dad had hired a new shop manager when I attended college and he pretty much entrenched himself in the business and hired his buddies in the key positions over the years. I attended college and grew up and the world was opened to me along with my love for Bicycling. I raced and was rather good at that time. I was runner up to going to nationals and was on a good team during the college years. Dad just hated this for some reason. (I did find out later that my Mother was very proud of me though) I still worked at the shop every summer and when I was off of school.

When I graduated college it was a grand event for my family. I was the first one of my family that ever did it. I had good grades and actually offers from several other companys. But, the family business was a priority and I went to work for Dad. I was the new sales person and was given a territory that no one had ever gotten sales from. The new VP's idea (Yep the former shop manager)
Dispite the area I managed to bring in sales that not even his best sales person could. I also started having issues at home with Dad and that he kept bringing in the buisness to home. I began drinking and also I still had my dream of racing bicycles on a national team. (Yes I still raced and Dad really hated it)
After a good year and 1/2 Dads head of sales pulled me into his room and we had a long chat about my future and the business. I spent about two months going over my options and dreams. I told Dad that I wanted to go and follow my dreams.
I packed up my bicycles and loaded up a trailer that my old college roomate had in Wisconsin and drove out to live with him in California. I spent a month or so training and looking for work. I landed a job at California's largest bicycle shop at the beach in LA. So I rode my bicycle to the beach and back every day. (40 mile round trip). By month two I was placing in races and soon landed a place on a national racing team. I spent a good six months racing and doing well. Then I crashed on the Santa Anna bicycle trail and broke my collarbone. I lost my job and with my old college roomate moving back to Cheeseland I also lost my place to live.

I took my last of savings and the three hundred dollars Mom wired me and moved to Austin Tx where my sister lived. I found work as a camera operator at a film house there and got back into racing. Things were going great till the Housing crash of 87. Before that time I had again raced on good teams and even have a few medals from regional races and won the longest road race in Texas that year.
Out of work and depressed. I recieved an offer to again work for Dad. I loaded up the car and headed back to Wisconsin.

Turned out the job for Dad was a job for one of Dad's friends in Milwaukee at another film house one 3rd shift. It was a union job and it was 3rd shift. I made great money back then. However, My racing went away and I again began having issues with drinking and just being in Cheeseland. I started on my old cars that I had picked up in Texas. Moving into that I began to spend time working and learning about them more than my Mentor in Texas had taught me. I was an active member in the National Pontiac club and more. I still raced bicycles but cars started to push it away.

Then Dad had problems at his plant. The union was trying to organize it. Being a card carrying union person Dad hired me back to work in his film and plate shop. I was the Assistant manager under a good guy named Virgil. I ran the shop and did more than asked for. I was well on my way to becoming the head of the Plateshop when Virgil became seriously Ill and nearly died in the hospital do to being given the wrong meds. I had assumed that I was to take over the plate shop and run things. The VP had other ideas and convinced Dad that I was not up to the task and hired on the new Asskissing idiot that became my manager.

Within a month I was the new 3rd shift film person and plate maker. I often sat around doing nothing but twittling my thumbs. I was accused of selling the silver from the recyclers at the plant. However after checking into it someone else aproved it and the shop was taken for a good 10 grand. I began to see the workings of Dad's VP and his trying to force me from the business. About two months latter I again was accused of selling off the used aluminum plates we had stored in the warehouse. Again it was for thousands of dollars. The local metal recycler had called the shop because they were being turned in. The description of the person was similar to me. IE had glasses? It turned out that our delivery guy was doing it along with also charging stuff at the local businesses and even filling his private car on the company gas card.

Being the only night staff I often took my dinner break at random times. Which I had done for months and months. Mr. Asskisser and VP went to my Dad and claimed that I was gone for hours and stealing time from the company. Then VP gathered his cronies and confronted my Dad that I had to go or they would quit.
I was called in to a meeting with Dad and he told me about the "Stealing time" I was more than pissed off that they would even try this crap and told Dad.
"Who do you beliveve? Them or me?" Well I was laid off right there.

After about two weeks of considering my life. I packed up my stuff and moved back to Texas. I found another job and worked at a large printshop. I would visit home every Memoral week and Labor day week. Often when things got tight Mom would give me a hand with bills. I also started my Classic car parts and repair buisness. I did ok for a long time. I even purchased a home in South Austin. (Mom helped me) Soon I got a job at Dhell computer and within a year was in the Quality assurance department. I spent a good ten years and 9 months at the job till Mikey laid me off with five hundred other people.

During that time I decided to change my life in a major way. I had gone to therapy and was being helped. I was out and about in the Austin gay culture. When Mom died in 2000 I went into a bad depression and it took me a bit to recover. I had started my change just before that. I know that Dad and Mom knew from my last visit before Mom got sick. I rushed home for the last days and visited the next Memorial weekend after. Dad even told me that they knew about my issue in his way. "We discussed about you the last weeks and Mom was certain that you would never marry. There is a spot for you on the Family toomstone. I also realized that my sisters husband was more than unhappy at my visit. And I felt it when I had dinner with them that visit.

When Laborday came around Dad called and told me not to come home. I was not suprised but more than sad. This went on for several years. I was fully living as a woman by then. Since then I have wanted to go back and at least see Dad one more time before he dies. Thus, the Poll. Now Dad is a pillar of the community that I grew up in. Maybe he's afraid that if people see me and find out that he will be hurt in some way by it. My theriapist had told me that I would have these things happen to me when I changed.
I would loose my friends
I would loose my family
I would loose my job.

Well she was pretty much right on all counts.
I lost 90% of my friends.
My family.
Took six years but after many tries Dhell finally laid me off.

So, two years ago I was unemployeed and trying to get a job. I had purchased land in Bastrop TX and was trying to move there when I got laid off. I had a plan but I needed a bit of money. So I called Dad and begged him for a couple of thousand dollars to help. He kept asking me stuff and leading me on as my home in Austin was going to forclosure. I ended up short selling it and loosing 60k that I could have made had I rented it as I had planned till it sold. I moved to Bastrop and when my Unemployment ran out. I again begged Dad for help.
He told me to go on Welfare. Since then He's not answered my calls or even e-mails. My sisters also have stopped replying about 8 months ago.

So here I sit with my first large overtime check from work and the Memoral week off. I had hoped to visit One more time. But?

Ur a gay capitalised noun.

Eh, go or don't go. If you go it might be the reunion you're looking for or it might set you back even farther. If you don't go you'll always wonder what if. If you do go take the other advice and don't tell him before hand. Are you going to take your partner?

And Tailmon still voted for John McCain.

If you go looking for absolution or to absolve, you'll be disappointed, so you will really have to figure out what you want from him.

So your spam wasn't only stupid, it was a lie too.

He's made it very clear he doesn't want to see you. /discussion

I really got a kick out of the bicycling dream story. You should send that **** to Lifetime.