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Office Etiquette: Please Help?Follow
The obvious solution is to ********** and walk by his office without cleaning your hands.
Knuckles. Next time he sees you and wants to shake hands extend your fist. Do the knuckle thing. Just as you touch fists, slap him on the shoulder with your free hand. "How the Hell are you. Its a damn fine day!"
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What should I do to avoid touching this guy’s poo hands? I really need some suggestions.
Hehe, poo hands.
1) Have something disgusting on your hands the next few times you se him, so he doesn't ever want to shake with you again.
2) Carry around an empty box with the lid taped shut and act like it's heavy when you walk past him.
3) Quit your job.
4) As you walk past him, do anything to divert attaention away from any hand related topics.
That's all I got realy, none of which are realy any use to someone who doesn't live in crazy land.
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Carry around an empty box with the lid taped shut and act like it's heavy when you walk past him.
I lulz'd.
Has this mentioned picking your nose right when he comes up. Then pretend to try and flick it off. "Hey Bob!" then wipe your hand on your shirt. Finish it with a long sniffle and swipe your hand across your nose. Wipe hand on pants.
Bunnah? He doesn't wash his hands when he poops, a little snot isn't going to prevent that handshake. I suggest go get leprosy then shake his hand, give it 3-4 weeks then shake his stub.
Just don't shake his ******* hand.
Simple answer is simple.
Simple answer is simple.
The simple solution to this is to explain to the guy that you don't want to shake his hand anymore because you're a germophobe and don't want to catch SARS because you have aids and your body won't be able to fight it off. He'll never want to shake your hand again. This is a super-win for you, because the rest of your germ-breathing co-workers will never come into close contact with you again either.
I see two possibilities:
1) Follow him into the bathroom every time he goes in and say "Aren't you going to wash your hands?"... Every time.
2) Beat the **** out of him.
1) Follow him into the bathroom every time he goes in and say "Aren't you going to wash your hands?"... Every time.
2) Beat the **** out of him.
Just pretend you are on the phone every time you walk past him.
remorajunbao wrote:
Just pretend you are on the phone every time you walk past him.
Just carry around some hand sanitiser and use it after shaking hands . Or resign yourself to getting poo on you .
Gawd, bunch of cowards.
Send him a polite email or letter, saying that someone saw him exiting the bathroom without having washed his hands, and that this distressed you when you contemplated shaking hands with him. Ask him to wash his hands in the bathroom from now on.
Send him a polite email or letter, saying that someone saw him exiting the bathroom without having washed his hands, and that this distressed you when you contemplated shaking hands with him. Ask him to wash his hands in the bathroom from now on.
Monsieur MojoVIII wrote:
2) Beat the sh*t out of him.
Vaseline the crap out of your hands before you see him, he'll only ever shake your hand once and you can wash off the vaseline after the first attempt :).
Or, get your workplace to install something like this. Hand washing will be much more fun then :)
In all Seriousness I would just let him know that you've been sick and you don't want to give him the germs. That will buy you a few days to think of something else.
I worked with a lady that loved to hug people. I have issue with hugging people that are not family or close friends. I just don't like people in my "Bubble". So when people lean in I just back up and say I've been sick and I don't want to make you sick. It works for me.
Edited, May 13th 2009 11:20am by toohotforu
I worked with a lady that loved to hug people. I have issue with hugging people that are not family or close friends. I just don't like people in my "Bubble". So when people lean in I just back up and say I've been sick and I don't want to make you sick. It works for me.
Edited, May 13th 2009 11:20am by toohotforu
This is why I don't shake anyones hands to begin with. This way, when they see my next time, they know, don't shake my hand.
Ari is the only grownup here, apparently. 
I'd have the conversation face to face, however, rather than via email. If you can't make yourself do that, then leave an anonymous note on his desk.
I'd have the conversation face to face, however, rather than via email. If you can't make yourself do that, then leave an anonymous note on his desk.
In a time of universal deceit, telling the truth is a revolutionary act.
1. Stand on his desk while he's sitting on it
2. Drop trou
3. Insert index finger in your ****
4. Smear it over his top lip
5. "WASH YOUR HANDS ******"
2. Drop trou
3. Insert index finger in your ****
4. Smear it over his top lip
5. "WASH YOUR HANDS ******"
I wouldn't be surprised if the detective was ******* with you since you're a germaphobe.
Next time he extends his hands, grab his shoulders, and give him a huge kiss on the lips. Then say "This is how they do it in France!". If you do that everytime he extends his hands, chances are he'll stop pretty quick.
RedPhoenixxx wrote:
Next time he extends his hands, grab his shoulders, and give him a huge kiss on the lips. Then say "This is how they do it in France!". If you do that everytime he extends his hands, chances are he'll stop pretty quick.
... or slip you some tongue, which will open up whole new vistas of fun one way or another.
In a time of universal deceit, telling the truth is a revolutionary act.
RedPhoenixxx wrote:
Next time he extends his hands, grab his shoulders, and give him a huge kiss on the lips. Then say "This is how they do it in France!". If you do that everytime he extends his hands, chances are he'll stop pretty quick.
The only people who ever did this to me were my friends from Cologne. All the French people either did the cheek kiss or hugged me. Same as most other people, really.
Edited, May 13th 2009 6:56pm by Kalivha
Just tell him you don't want to catch that new flu and you'd just rather do a head nod.
Thanks for the disgusting suggestions. While getting "revenge" or "out-disgusting-ing" him is fun to think about, I don't think they are real options. The e-mails and notes might be good, I'll have to engineer something. Also, I don't think the detective was messing with me because we didn't know each other very well at that point. Thanks for the suggestions, and some laughs.
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