What do people consider a friend these days?Follow

Ok, here's the scenario. Person A, who we'll call Sammy for no good reason, and Person B, who we will refer to as Martha, also for no good reason, are having a very loud argument. Person C (me) goes to intervene because the fight is going nowhere and if things get much louder someone will be leaving in handcuffs. I try with little to no success to placate things for the night. Further attempts at cooling the situation down with offers of my coveted cigarettes only wind up in a very short physical confrontation with Sammy face down in a full nelson.

Sammy appears to calm a little and we go smoke. He then barges right back in and picks up where he left off. Apparently I'm not the man for this particular job. Enter Person D, who we'll call Drew. Drew and Sammy have been practically connected at the hip for about 3-4 months now. Best buds, right? Yet, Drew has done nothing but sit quietly and wait for the whole thing to blow over. Exasperated, I ask him to help. Apparently, he has decided that even attempting to calm a situation would be an exercise in futility.

Somehow, I talk him into it and he talks him down with yet another () handful of my cigs. Tney take off for the night to a friend's house so everyone can get some space. Now comes the confusing part for me. Drew comes into my work tonight, apparently they're barely heading back to the house. He actually asks me if he did the right thing. I was rather shocked. Isn't Sammy your friend? You saved him from jail time and you didn't get caught up in a personal argument. Why would you question such a valuable contribution?

You have a responsibility to do right by the people you care about if nobody else on this planet. Is it normal for someone to have strange feelings about actually acting like a friend or are my ideals so ingrained that I've idealized the entire notion of friendship?

So, you totally banged Martha, right? ****.

I love your little trailer park parables, Doug Doug. I love when you take these failings of your white trash brethren and use them to make yourself feel noble. It's adorable, and utterly predictable, and it had been too long since the last one.

I imagine you could spend days looking for meaning at the bottom of your toilet bowl.

I once found a penny. It slowly sank to the bottom and landed heads up. I didn't have diarrhea for an entire year. Coincidence?

Semantics!

New Mexico. Enough said.

You smell like a genius.

Is that vodka or sambuka?

Depends on the teen.

If it's Codyy it smells like McDonalds and mascara.