An ode...Follow

...to the lady having the difficult bowel movement in the stall next to me in the bathroom at Barnes and Noble yesterday.

Was it dairy? Or too much grease?
Or some bizarre intestinal disease?

I felt so bad just sitting there,
Listening to you pant and swear.

And all throughout I was so kind
I scarcely thought that you would mind

The little giggle that escaped my lips
As your hiney erupted in burbles and rips

But I was finished, so to save face
I washed my hands and fled the place

To grab a copy of Lance Armstrong's book
And browse through fiction; one quick look

But it took me longer than I had figured
I had lost myself in Alsace's Vinyeard

And so finally when I went to leave
I noticed you flipping through When Men Grieve

Oh it took me a while to connect
As I stared at you to recollect

And when it hit me I smiled wide
And I made no honest push to hide

That I was very much amused
By the clamorous way that you'd perfused

Oh I know it must have seemed so weird
The way some stranger stopped and peered

With an oddball grin that betrayed no clues
But the truth is simple; I'd recognized your shoes.

Did you get Tub Girls autograph?

That was pretty damn good!

I've only ever crapped in a public toilet twice in my life.

And this is why, you take a **** and you end up on the intrawebs.

I do not like pooing in a public toilet, nossir.

I did once poo in an outdoor toilet on a mountain in Utah, though. It was a matter of necessity. Turns out there's really not much in Utah.

Apples ****?

I hate those days that you have to poo every five minutes. I have locked the public bathroom's door before to get a little privacy.

Need to come in....sorry...just finishing up doing some cleaning.

I would solicit advice from Elderon. I hear he has extensive experience with leaky ********.

How's Stiffler's mom?