Kudos to Chaekoe for having posted these in a thread on the Sylph Server Message Boards. I take no credit in the making of these, except the first one, that one's mine.
I've bolded the best ones for your convience. Send in your own and I'll add them!
Earthquakes are caused by Allakhazam bench pressing California.
Allakhazam' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
Allakhazam does not sleep. He waits.
Allakhazam does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Allakhazam goes killing.
The chief export of Allakhazam is pain.
Allakhazam is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
Allakhazam sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
Allakhazam built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Allakhazam smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and acquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.
If you can see Allakhazam, he can see you. If you can't see Allakhazam you may be only seconds away from death.
A blind man once stepped on Allakhazam' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Allakhazam!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Allakhazam.
Bullets dodge Allakhazam.
Allakhazam once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Allakhazam and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
When Allakhazam sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Allakhazam has not had to pay taxes ever.
The quickest way to a man's heart is with Allakhazam's fist.
The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Allakhazam has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
Allakhazam's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF Allakhazam!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't @#%^ with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.
Allakhazam frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Allakhazam.
When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Allakhazam just to be on the safe side.
Allakhazam is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Allakhazam
Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Allakhazam brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Allakhazam roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.
Allakhazam likes to knit sweaters in his free time. And by "knit", I mean "kick", and by "sweaters", I mean "babies".
Someone once tried to tell Allakhazam that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
Allakhazam owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
If Allakhazam is late, time better slow the @#%^ down.
Allakhazam is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a @#%^ing Indian.
Allakhazam doesn’t shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Allakhazam is Allakhazam.
Allakhazam appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Allakhazam. His reasoning? It was more "humane."
When Allakhazam has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he was run out of women.
Allakhazam doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Allakhazam instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.
Since 1940, the year Allakhazam was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
Allakhazam was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.
There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Allakhazam.
There is no chin behind Allakhazam' beard. There is only another fist.
Allakhazam once lined up to kick the winning field goal of a high school football game. When the football went flat, he persuaded the referees to let him kick the field goal with a 3 month old child. Chuck roundhoused kicked the baby 60 yards through the uprights and then proceeded to bang every girl in the stadium.
The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Allakhazam--more than meets the eye, Allakhazam--robot in disguise," and starred Allakhazam as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.
When Allakhazam plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.
It was once believed that Allakhazam actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Allakhazam himself to lure more pirates to him. Pirates never were very smart.
Allakhazam recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because of Allakhazam.
Allakhazam may not be God but God has Chuck's number on speed dial. - Penisielen
Allakhazam counted to infinity - twice. - Ratsami
When Allakhazam does a push up, he is not moving up, he is pushing the earth down. - Captain Aggro
You are what you eat, that is why Allakhazam eats nothing but bricks, steel, and the tears of orphans. - Captian Aggro
Stephen Hawkings proved Allakhazam wrong once. He has since learned his lesson. - Althrun the Silent
Allakhazam was once watching the movie "Bambi" with his five year old son. When the lovable Bambi was shot, his son began to cry. Chuck stood up, and in a fit of rage yelled, "Allakhazam doesn't raise pussies. Do I have to round house kick you back into your mother's womb?" After his son shook his head, Chuck sat back down on the couch. Just when everything seemed calm, he executed one of his infamous no look punches on his son and then yelled, "Sneak attack, *****." - VassarAK
Allakhazam once roundhouse kicked Bruce Lee, breaking him in half. The result was Jet Li and Jackie Chan. - Alderonator
Allakhazam doesn't smash beer cans on his forehead, instead he stares them down till they shrink in fear. - Captain Omelette The Meaningless
It was actually Allakhazam who, single-handedly, built the tower of Babylon. But then he single-handedly smashed it down again, as he doesn't like to see things which are longer than his best friend. Even if just by about half an inch or so. - The Dragonslayer
Allakhazam is so tough he can even drink orange juice right after brushing his teeth. - Wizardborn
Mr T. and Allakhazam decided to spar, they travelled to the only safe place in the Universe, the beginning of time. They bowed to each other and Chuck launched in with a roundhouse kick. Mr. T blocked it, and the resulting pressure wave is commonly called the Big Bang. - Ninjamann
As a teen Allakhazam impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history. - Label
- The Weaponsmith
Edited, Fri Dec 23 10:34:44 2005 by GoblinWeaponsmith
Edited, Sat Jan 14 10:29:25 2006 by GoblinWeaponsmith
Nice one!