Funny article from a parents awareness site. Enjoy!
As an enlightened, modern parent, I try to be as involved as possible in the lives of my six children. I encourage them to join team sports. I attend their teen parties with them to ensure no drinking or alcohol is on the premises. I keep a fatherly eye on the CDs they listen to and the shows they watch, the company they keep and the books they read. You could say I'm a model parent. My children have never failed to make me proud, and I can say without the slightest embellishment that I have the finest family in the USA.
Two years ago, my wife Carol and I decided that our children's education would not be complete without some grounding in modern computers. To this end, we bought our children a brand new Compaq to learn with. The kids had a lot of fun using the handful of application programs we'd bought, such as Adobe's Photoshop and Microsoft's Word, and my wife and I were pleased that our gift was received so well. Our son Peter was most entranced by the device, and became quite a pro at surfing the net. When Peter began to spend whole days on the machine, I became concerned, but Carol advised me to calm down, and that it was only a passing phase. I was content to bow to her experience as a mother, until our youngest daughter, Cindy, charged into the living room one night to blurt out: "Peter is a computer hacker!"
As you can imagine, I was amazed. A computer hacker in my own house! I began to monitor my son's habits, to make certain that Cindy wasn't just telling stories, as she is prone to doing at times.
After a few days of investigation, and some research into computer hacking, I confronted Peter with the evidence. I'm afraid to say, this was the only time I have ever been truly disappointed in one of my children. We raised them to be honest and to have integrity, and Peter betrayed the principles we tried to encourage in him, when he refused point blank to admit to his activities. His denials continued for hours, and in the end, I was left with no choice but to ban him from using the computer until he is old enough to be responsible for his actions.
After going through this ordeal with my own family, I was left pondering how I could best help others in similar situations. I'd gained a lot of knowledge over those few days regarding hackers. It's only right that I provide that information to other parents, in the hope that they will be able to tell if their children are being drawn into the world of hacking. Perhaps other parents will be able to steer their sons back onto the straight and narrow before extreme measures need to be employed.
To this end, I have decided to publish the top ten signs that your son is a hacker. I advise any parents to read this list carefully and if their son matches the profile, they should take action. A smart parent will first try to reason with their son, before resorting to groundings, or even spanking. I pride myself that I have never had to spank a child, and I hope this guide will help other parents to put a halt to their son's misbehaviour before a spanking becomes necessary.
1. Has your son asked you to change ISPs?
Most American families use trusted and responsible Internet Service Providers, such as AOL. These providers have a strict "No Hacking" policy, and take careful measures to ensure that your internet experience is enjoyable, educational and above all legal. If your child is becoming a hacker, one of his first steps will be to request a change to a more hacker friendly provider.
I would advise all parents to refuse this request. One of the reasons your son is interested in switching providers is to get away from AOL's child safety filter. This filter is vital to any parent who wants his son to enjoy the internet without the endangering him through exposure to "adult" content. It is best to stick with the protection AOL provides, rather than using a home-based solution. If your son is becoming a hacker, he will be able to circumvent any home-based measures with surprising ease, using information gleaned from various hacker sites.
2. Are you finding programs on your computer that you don't remember installing?
Your son will probably try to install some hacker software. He may attempt to conceal the presence of the software in some way, but you can usually find any new programs by reading through the programs listed under "Install/Remove Programs" in your control panel. Popular hacker software includes "Comet Cursor", "Bonzi Buddy" and "Flash".
The best option is to confront your son with the evidence, and force him to remove the offending programs. He will probably try to install the software again, but you will be able to tell that this is happening, if your machine offers to "download" one of the hacker applications. If this happens, it is time to give your son a stern talking to, and possibly consider punishing him with a grounding.
3. Has your child asked for new hardware?
Computer hackers are often limited by conventional computer hardware. They may request "faster" video cards, and larger hard drives, or even more memory. If your son starts requesting these devices, it is possible that he has a legitimate need. You can best ensure that you are buying legal, trustworthy hardware by only buying replacement parts from your computer's manufacturer.
If your son has requested a new "processor" from a company called "AMD", this is genuine cause for alarm. AMD is a third-world based company who make inferior, "knock-off" copies of American processor chips. They use child labor extensively in their third world sweatshops, and they deliberately disable the security features that American processor makers, such as Intel, use to prevent hacking. AMD chips are never sold in stores, and you will most likely be told that you have to order them from internet sites. Do not buy this chip! This is one request that you must refuse your son, if you are to have any hope of raising him well.
4. Does your child read hacking manuals?
If you pay close attention to your son's reading habits, as I do, you will be able to determine a great deal about his opinions and hobbies. Children are at their most impressionable in the teenage years. Any father who has had a seventeen year old daughter attempt to sneak out on a date wearing make up and perfume is well aware of the effect that improper influences can have on inexperienced minds.
There are, unfortunately, many hacking manuals available in bookshops today. A few titles to be on the lookout for are: "Snow Crash" and "Cryptonomicon" by Neal Stephenson; "Neuromancer" by William Gibson; "Programming with Perl" by Timothy O'Reilly; "Geeks" by Jon Katz; "The Hacker Crackdown" by Bruce Sterling; "Microserfs" by Douglas Coupland; "Hackers" by Steven Levy; and "The Cathedral and the Bazaar" by Eric S. Raymond.
If you find any of these hacking manuals in your child's possession, confiscate them immediately. You should also petition local booksellers to remove these titles from their shelves. You may meet with some resistance at first, but even booksellers have to bow to community pressure.
5. How much time does your child spend using the computer each day?
If your son spends more than thirty minutes each day on the computer, he may be using it to DOS other peoples sites. DOSing involves gaining access to the "command prompt" on other people's machines, and using it to tie up vital internet services. This can take up to eight hours. If your son is doing this, he is breaking the law, and you should stop him immediately. The safest policy is to limit your children's access to the computer to a maximum of forty-five minutes each day.
6. Does your son use Quake?
Quake is an online virtual reality used by hackers. It is a popular meeting place and training ground, where they discuss hacking and train in the use of various firearms. Many hackers develop anti-social tendencies due to the use of this virtual world, and it may cause erratic behaviour at home and at school.
If your son is using Quake, you should make hime understand that this is not acceptable to you. You should ensure all the firearms in your house are carefully locked away, and have trigger locks installed. You should also bring your concerns to the attention of his school.
7. Is your son becoming argumentative and surly in his social behaviour?
As a child enters the electronic world of hacking, he may become disaffected with the real world. He may lose the ability to control his actions, or judge the rightness or wrongness of a course of behaviour. This will manifest itself soonest in the way he treats others. Those whom he disagrees with will be met with scorn, bitterness, and even foul language. He may utter threats of violence of a real or electronic nature.
Even when confronted, your son will probably find it difficult to talk about this problem to you. He will probably claim that there is no problem, and that you are imagining things. He may tell you that it is you who has the problem, and you should "back off" and "stop smothering him." Do not allow yourself to be deceived. You are the only chance your son has, even if he doesn't understand the situation he is in. Keep trying to get through to him, no matter how much he retreats into himself.
8. Is your son obsessed with "Lunix"?
BSD, Lunix, Debian and Mandrake are all versions of an illegal hacker operation system, invented by a Soviet computer hacker named Linyos Torovoltos, before the Russians lost the Cold War. It is based on a program called "xenix", which was written by Microsoft for the US government. These programs are used by hackers to break into other people's computer systems to steal credit card numbers. They may also be used to break into people's stereos to steal their music, using the "mp3" program. Torovoltos is a notorious hacker, responsible for writing many hacker programs, such as "telnet", which is used by hackers to connect to machines on the internet without using a telephone.
Your son may try to install "lunix" on your hard drive. If he is careful, you may not notice its presence, however, lunix is a capricious beast, and if handled incorrectly, your son may damage your computer, and even break it completely by deleting Windows, at which point you will have to have your computer repaired by a professional.
If you see the word "LILO" during your windows startup (just after you turn the machine on), your son has installed lunix. In order to get rid of it, you will have to send your computer back to the manufacturer, and have them fit a new hard drive. Lunix is extremely dangerous software, and cannot be removed without destroying part of your hard disk surface.
9. Has your son radically changed his appearance?
If your son has undergone a sudden change in his style of dress, you may have a hacker on your hands. Hackers tend to dress in bright, day-glo colors. They may wear baggy pants, bright colored shirts and spiky hair dyed in bright colors to match their clothes. They may take to carrying "glow-sticks" and some wear pacifiers around their necks. (I have no idea why they do this) There are many such hackers in schools today, and your son may have started to associate with them. If you notice that your son's group of friends includes people dressed like this, it is time to think about a severe curfew, to protect him from dangerous influences.
10. Is your son struggling academically?
If your son is failing courses in school, or performing poorly on sports teams, he may be involved in a hacking group, such as the infamous "Otaku" hacker association. Excessive time spent on the computer, communicating with his fellow hackers may cause temporary damage to the eyes and brain, from the electromagnetic radiation. This will cause his marks to slip dramatically, particularly in difficult subjects such as Math, and Chemistry. In extreme cases, over-exposure to computer radiation can cause schizophrenia, meningitis and other psychological diseases. Also, the reduction in exercise may cause him to lose muscle mass, and even to start gaining weight. For the sake of your child's mental and physical health, you must put a stop to his hacking, and limit his computer time drastically.
I encourage all parents to read through this guide carefully. Your child's future may depend upon it. Hacking is an illegal and dangerous activity, that may land your child in prison, and tear your family apart. It cannot be taken too seriously.
Note: I do not believe any of this and I think the person who made this article ( T. Reginald Gibbons ) is a total moron.
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Is your son a computer hacker?Follow
Well, I am a serial killer.
10 Signs that your child is a serial killer:
1) Does your child constantly come home covered in dirt? Well that is because they have been busy burying bodies.
2) Has your child began to swear? Well that is secret serial killer code that they intend to kill you.
3) Have you ever caught your child making stabbing motions toward their food? Guarenteed to show signs of being a serial killer.
4) Has your child ever played games such as "Cops and Robbers" or "Cowboys and Indians" or "Barbie and Ken." Sure sign of intent to kill.
5) Has your child ever handled a toy sword, knife, gun, etc? Those are the training toys of serial killers.
6) Does your child watch violent television shows? This is one of the bigger signs that your child thrives on violence and death.
7) Does your child play video games? Another large sign that your child thrives on death adn destruction.
8) Has your child ever taken anger out by hitting some object? This shows that your child has intent to harm objects and people.
9) Does your child have a group of close friends? Those friends are really cronies to help bury bodies and to help with the alibis.
10) Do you ever find dead insects, animals, rodents, etc, near your house? That is in fact your child mastering their skills.
There is no hope to cure this, you are indeed next.
Edited, Sun Jul 11 20:20:19 2004 by Altaramere
10 Signs that your child is a serial killer:
1) Does your child constantly come home covered in dirt? Well that is because they have been busy burying bodies.
2) Has your child began to swear? Well that is secret serial killer code that they intend to kill you.
3) Have you ever caught your child making stabbing motions toward their food? Guarenteed to show signs of being a serial killer.
4) Has your child ever played games such as "Cops and Robbers" or "Cowboys and Indians" or "Barbie and Ken." Sure sign of intent to kill.
5) Has your child ever handled a toy sword, knife, gun, etc? Those are the training toys of serial killers.
6) Does your child watch violent television shows? This is one of the bigger signs that your child thrives on violence and death.
7) Does your child play video games? Another large sign that your child thrives on death adn destruction.
8) Has your child ever taken anger out by hitting some object? This shows that your child has intent to harm objects and people.
9) Does your child have a group of close friends? Those friends are really cronies to help bury bodies and to help with the alibis.
10) Do you ever find dead insects, animals, rodents, etc, near your house? That is in fact your child mastering their skills.
There is no hope to cure this, you are indeed next.
Edited, Sun Jul 11 20:20:19 2004 by Altaramere
the one and only time i tried to hack something to see how it works, i ended up hacking myself
So you have have to have Bonsai Buddy to be a hacker? Neat.
And if you play Quake you are a hacker? Woot.
What the hell is Lunix? lol. Seriously, please link me to where this was posted.
And if you play Quake you are a hacker? Woot.
What the hell is Lunix? lol. Seriously, please link me to where this was posted.
LoL, man you have to give a link to this article.
Bode - 100 Holy Paladin - Lightbringer
Quote:
If your son has requested a new "processor" from a company called "AMD", this is genuine cause for alarm. AMD is a third-world based company who make inferior, "knock-off" copies of American processor chips. They use child labor extensively in their third world sweatshops, and they deliberately disable the security features that American processor makers, such as Intel, use to prevent hacking. AMD chips are never sold in stores, and you will most likely be told that you have to order them from internet sites. Do not buy this chip! This is one request that you must refuse your son, if you are to have any hope of raising him well.
That has got to be the most fuc[b][/b]ked up thing I have ever read.
http://www.adequacy.org/public/stories/2001.12.2.42056.2147.html
Well the person who posted the original article spelled Linux wrong.. Linux is another type of OS that is an alternative to windows (it's still better than MAC OS), it is usually used for hosting servers and the such. One of my computers has Linux (hosting a CS 1.6 server) and it works pretty good.
Edited, Mon Jul 12 02:16:47 2004 by Rainerx
Yeah, most people know what Linux is. :P Just... it was mispelled. Hey, I even have a stuffed linux penguin.
Quote:
Hackers tend to dress in bright, day-glo colors. They may wear baggy pants, bright colored shirts and spiky hair dyed in bright colors to match their clothes. They may take to carrying "glow-sticks" and some wear pacifiers around their necks. (I have no idea why they do this) There are many such hackers in schools today, and your son may have started to associate with them.
/sigh. Another career option down the drain.
LUnix
Quote:
LNG is an operationg system primarly for the good old Commodore64 home-computer. There also is a native version for the successor Commodore128. Ports to other 6502/6510 driven 8Bit Computers are possible but not yet started. LUnix started in 1993 and reached the internet in 1994. In 1997 LUnix0.1 was rewritten from scratch, the result is LNG
Awe ****, I've done it now.
3 1/2 years at DeVry and their training me to be a hacker?!!? How could I not have caught this? I must take an ice pick to my eyeballs now so that I may never look upon another computer screen again.
Did you guys read his other articles about collage? It's almost as ignorant as this stupid one....
The fact that their might be people in the world like this scares me.
Oh yea, an YOUR ALL HACKERS FOR POSTING ON THIS FORUM, b/c we all know forums are places where hackers meet and discuss plans to launch all the worlds' nuclear weapons at once on Ohio.
3 1/2 years at DeVry and their training me to be a hacker?!!? How could I not have caught this? I must take an ice pick to my eyeballs now so that I may never look upon another computer screen again.
Did you guys read his other articles about collage? It's almost as ignorant as this stupid one....
The fact that their might be people in the world like this scares me.
Oh yea, an YOUR ALL HACKERS FOR POSTING ON THIS FORUM, b/c we all know forums are places where hackers meet and discuss plans to launch all the worlds' nuclear weapons at once on Ohio.
"RACK Molish and RACKITY-RACK-RACK-RACK*Twiztid! - Totem
You're a fucking ***. Fuck you and the fucktruck you fucked in on. - RIP PicklePrince
So I guess that while God says that the meek shall inherit the earth, the fucking stupid are screwed? - Althrun
You're a fucking ***. Fuck you and the fucktruck you fucked in on. - RIP PicklePrince
So I guess that while God says that the meek shall inherit the earth, the fucking stupid are screwed? - Althrun
Maybe he just discovered FFXI... or EQ... or SWG... or any of the other online games...
This still amuses me to the nth degree. I think i'm going to print this out and post on my wall so I can learn how to be a l33t h4x0r like Kao. :)
"Is this site some sort of joke ?
Why in God's name are you asking if this is a joke? Consider the two possible answers:
Yes, it is a joke. Most people got it, but not you. No, you had to say "hmm... it's ludicrous, over the top and deliberately self contradictory, might it be a joke?" Of course it's a joke you ninnyhammer, did you even read the article?
No, it's not a joke. You pompous arrogant piece of ****. Does your ludicrous self-worship not allow you to believe that people might actually disagree with you? I can't believe you. Get a clue already - you aren't the fount of wisdom and there are other people out there with differing opinions.
Clearly you can see that asking if this is a joke is merely inviting abuse. Now, don't you wish you hadn't asked? "
http://www.adequacy.org/special/faq.html
Why in God's name are you asking if this is a joke? Consider the two possible answers:
Yes, it is a joke. Most people got it, but not you. No, you had to say "hmm... it's ludicrous, over the top and deliberately self contradictory, might it be a joke?" Of course it's a joke you ninnyhammer, did you even read the article?
No, it's not a joke. You pompous arrogant piece of ****. Does your ludicrous self-worship not allow you to believe that people might actually disagree with you? I can't believe you. Get a clue already - you aren't the fount of wisdom and there are other people out there with differing opinions.
Clearly you can see that asking if this is a joke is merely inviting abuse. Now, don't you wish you hadn't asked? "
http://www.adequacy.org/special/faq.html
/whispers psst. Haggan. It's all in the hat. you ahve to have a really cool hat otherwise it's all just for show!
Arch Duke Kaolian Drachensborn, lvl 95 Ranger, Unrest Server
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woo for making my day. Off to work now :-/
Onyxia wrote:
"Is this site some sort of joke ?
Why in God's name are you asking if this is a joke? Consider the two possible answers:
Yes, it is a joke. Most people got it, but not you. No, you had to say "hmm... it's ludicrous, over the top and deliberately self contradictory, might it be a joke?" Of course it's a joke you ninnyhammer, did you even read the article?
No, it's not a joke. You pompous arrogant piece of sh*t. Does your ludicrous self-worship not allow you to believe that people might actually disagree with you? I can't believe you. Get a clue already - you aren't the fount of wisdom and there are other people out there with differing opinions.
Clearly you can see that asking if this is a joke is merely inviting abuse. Now, don't you wish you hadn't asked? "
Why in God's name are you asking if this is a joke? Consider the two possible answers:
Yes, it is a joke. Most people got it, but not you. No, you had to say "hmm... it's ludicrous, over the top and deliberately self contradictory, might it be a joke?" Of course it's a joke you ninnyhammer, did you even read the article?
No, it's not a joke. You pompous arrogant piece of sh*t. Does your ludicrous self-worship not allow you to believe that people might actually disagree with you? I can't believe you. Get a clue already - you aren't the fount of wisdom and there are other people out there with differing opinions.
Clearly you can see that asking if this is a joke is merely inviting abuse. Now, don't you wish you hadn't asked? "
Me smart. Me click link and see quote. Ugga.
Edited, Tue Jul 13 16:59:08 2004 by SelfishMan
Umm...I'm guessing that everone here realizes that was satire?
I'm not sure some do.
I'm not sure some do.
Dread Lord Kaolian wrote:
/whispers psst. Haggan. It's all in the hat. you ahve to have a really cool hat otherwise it's all just for show!
You mean like this? http://zapatopi.net/afdb.html
edited to actually post the link.
Edited, Mon Jul 12 18:37:32 2004 by Haggan
yeah, except mine has a helecopter beanie on the top
Arch Duke Kaolian Drachensborn, lvl 95 Ranger, Unrest Server
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Forum Rules
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Forum Rules
Quote:
"Is this site some sort of joke ?
Why in God's name are you asking if this is a joke? Consider the two possible answers:
Yes, it is a joke. Most people got it, but not you. No, you had to say "hmm... it's ludicrous, over the top and deliberately self contradictory, might it be a joke?" Of course it's a joke you ninnyhammer, did you even read the article?
No, it's not a joke. You pompous arrogant piece of sh*t. Does your ludicrous self-worship not allow you to believe that people might actually disagree with you? I can't believe you. Get a clue already - you aren't the fount of wisdom and there are other people out there with differing opinions.
Clearly you can see that asking if this is a joke is merely inviting abuse. Now, don't you wish you hadn't asked? "
Why in God's name are you asking if this is a joke? Consider the two possible answers:
Yes, it is a joke. Most people got it, but not you. No, you had to say "hmm... it's ludicrous, over the top and deliberately self contradictory, might it be a joke?" Of course it's a joke you ninnyhammer, did you even read the article?
No, it's not a joke. You pompous arrogant piece of sh*t. Does your ludicrous self-worship not allow you to believe that people might actually disagree with you? I can't believe you. Get a clue already - you aren't the fount of wisdom and there are other people out there with differing opinions.
Clearly you can see that asking if this is a joke is merely inviting abuse. Now, don't you wish you hadn't asked? "
hey buddy, check my sig. you apply do it very well.
first of all, who are you talking to? and second, your fvcking nuts. settle down.
This hacker post is extreamly funny if or if not a joke. I mean, this guy just has so little of an idea of what hes talking about its laughable.
Quote:
Computer hackers are often limited by conventional computer hardware. They may request "faster" video cards, and larger hard drives, or even more memory. If your son starts requesting these devices, it is possible that he has a legitimate need. You can best ensure that you are buying legal, trustworthy hardware by only buying replacement parts from your computer's manufacturer.
hey dad, can we get a ATI radeon video card? i want to play FFXI.
OMG MY SON IS A COMPURTER HACKER/CEREAL KILLER/RAPIST/CON ARTIST/FELON!
and the "advice" about buying only from your comp manufacturer-- thats a GREAT way to throw away 100s of bucks and waste a bunch of time waiting for parts to arrive.
Quote:
If your son has requested a new "processor" from a company called "AMD", this is genuine cause for alarm. AMD is a third-world based company who make inferior, "knock-off" copies of American processor chips. They use child labor extensively in their third world sweatshops, and they deliberately disable the security features that American processor makers, such as Intel, use to prevent hacking. AMD chips are never sold in stores, and you will most likely be told that you have to order them from internet sites. Do not buy this chip! This is one request that you must refuse your son, if you are to have any hope of raising him well.
this one made me laugh as well. No self respecting "hacker" would specifically request AMD processors. They are junk that come in shop on tv PCs. the part about child labor is funny as hell. These arent counterfiet jeans buddy, you cant make an operational chip by forcing 5 year olds to soulder <sp> them together in a 19th century sweatshop. dumbfvck ><
Quote:
6. Does your son use Quake?
Quake is an online virtual reality used by hackers. It is a popular meeting place and training ground, where they discuss hacking and train in the use of various firearms. Many hackers develop anti-social tendencies due to the use of this virtual world, and it may cause erratic behaviour at home and at school.
If your son is using Quake, you should make hime understand that this is not acceptable to you. You should ensure all the firearms in your house are carefully locked away, and have trigger locks installed. You should also bring your concerns to the attention of his school.
Quake is an online virtual reality used by hackers. It is a popular meeting place and training ground, where they discuss hacking and train in the use of various firearms. Many hackers develop anti-social tendencies due to the use of this virtual world, and it may cause erratic behaviour at home and at school.
If your son is using Quake, you should make hime understand that this is not acceptable to you. You should ensure all the firearms in your house are carefully locked away, and have trigger locks installed. You should also bring your concerns to the attention of his school.
this one doesnt need explaining-- just funny.
Quote:
8. Is your son obsessed with "Lunix"?
Oh, Boohoo. Some people are just a little tech savey, the only thing to worry about here is the kid f*cking up your computer.
This whole post is great, good laughs...
This guy is a horrible parent, his son obviously has an interest in what is one of the hottest careers out there, and hes trying to be a **** to him, making up stuff that dont even make sense. I would literally go crazy if i had to live by his freaky *** rules!
/rant
Edited, Tue Jul 13 02:58:26 2004 by AsuraMakaveli
Quote:
Excessive time spent on the computer, communicating with his fellow hackers may cause temporary damage to the eyes and brain, from the electromagnetic radiation. This will cause his marks to slip dramatically, particularly in difficult subjects such as Math, and Chemistry. In extreme cases, over-exposure to computer radiation can cause schizophrenia, meningitis and other psychological diseases. Also, the reduction in exercise may cause him to lose muscle mass, and even to start gaining weight. For the sake of your child's mental and physical health, you must put a stop to his hacking, and limit his computer time drastically.
lol, i just read this one!
COMPUTER RADIATION!?
remember the idiot that said that everyone has their own right to their opions. WELL THIS IS AN UNTRUE STATEMENT STATED AS A "FACT"
There are people out there that spend upwards of 12 hours on a computer a day! none of these symptoms affect these people, and COMPUTERS DO NOT GIVE OFF RADIATION-- show me a source saying so, besides maybe wireless routers which operate on the same channels as cordless phones (the silent killer)
/laugh
Quote:
this one made me laugh as well. No self respecting "hacker" would specifically request AMD processors. They are junk that come in shop on tv PCs. the part about child labor is funny as hell.
Is that right? Because I am pretty sure that every computer store in the world offers AMD chips right alongside Pentiums. I am also prettt sure that AMD easily held its own in tests versus Pentium, and in some areas outperformed it. But whatever, what do I know?
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