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Girlfriend woes (or lack thereof)Follow

#1 Jun 11 2004 at 7:58 PM Rating: Good
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I don't get it. I just don't get it. Here I am, 28 years old, sitting here in the prime of my life on a Friday night like most every other night of my life dateless. For awhile it didn't bother me at all, now it's really starting to bother me.

It seems like everybody else in the world has no problem whatsoever getting a g/f. From the pretty boys to the geekiest of geeks, they all seem to have another half. I know it's not right or fair to compare yourself to others, but I can't help it.

I've always had this problem. I've only had like 1-2 girlfriends in my life, and they didn't last long. I'm shy and don't have the nerve to ask anybody out, and everbody I'm interested in seems to already have a b/f.

Is there anybody else out there who feels my pain?
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#2 Jun 11 2004 at 8:15 PM Rating: Good
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Let me relate personal experience here. I dated the same girl all through high school. As seems to be a universal plot, I got lots of nibbles from other girls while I was 'taken' but after we broke up, the dating scene looked like a barren freakin desert.

I told myself that I was much better than the guys most girls wer dating. I told myself all sorts of things, including the opposite of that statement. In short, I wnet through all sorts of self evaluation and wasted time. After about a year of this sort of crap, I realised the problem:

You must interact with women.

If you want to go out with a girl, then tell her so. If she already has a b/f then tell her that if she didn't you'd like to take her out. The very worst thing she can tell you is some version of 'No'. In short, you must express interest. And I don't mean by mooning from afar.

Nerve is not that hard to work up. All you have to do is look at the available options and their likely results. Then take the action that will most likely give you the result you desire.

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#3 Jun 11 2004 at 8:18 PM Rating: Decent
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Quote:
I don't get it. I just don't get it.


Quote:
I'm shy and don't have the nerve to ask anybody out, and everbody I'm interested in seems to already have a b/f.


You've already discovered why you don't have a girlfriend. Here's what I did to defeat my own shyness year's ago. The secre is...

Confidence.

That's right. Confidence. You probably don't have much, certainly not where women are concerned. So what do you do?

Fake it. If you don't have any real confidence, just fake it. Pretend you have confidence. And not just when on the prowl for women, do it all the time. Pretty soon it will become second nature to you, and you won't be faking it anymore. You will actually have more confidence, and it will show. You'll have more success dealing with women (and everyone else actually) there after.

I know it sounds like a crock of ****, but it worked for me, and its worked for a couple other people I've suggested it to.



#4 Jun 11 2004 at 9:36 PM Rating: Decent
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Fake it. If you don't have any real confidence, just fake it. Pretend you have confidence. And not just when on the prowl for women, do it all the time. Pretty soon it will become second nature to you, and you won't be faking it anymore. You will actually have more confidence, and it will show. You'll have more success dealing with women (and everyone else actually) there after.
The old "fake it 'til ya make it" technique. There's actually a lot of sense to the approach.

I've gone through times when I've felt really shy about meeting people. The people I met during those times never knew. I simply pretended I wasn't until it sank in "well hey, nothing is happening I can't handle when I put myself out there."
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#5 Jun 12 2004 at 12:41 PM Rating: Decent
or you could take the approach of a lot of people on this site and bury your head in an MMORPG and pretend the real world never existed, there are many out there and i for one am proud to be among their ranks.
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#6 Jun 12 2004 at 3:40 PM Rating: Decent
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Fake it. If you don't have any real confidence, just fake it. Pretend you have confidence. And not just when on the prowl for women, do it all the time. Pretty soon it will become second nature to you, and you won't be faking it anymore. You will actually have more confidence, and it will show. You'll have more success dealing with women (and everyone else actually) there after.


This works like a charm. Go with the mindset that you don't care what she thinks. It shows confidence. Find a few common grounds and your pretty much set. Also doing something nice for her that she won't expect really wins her over. Smiley: flowers
Sometimes you just gotta stop looking and wait for it to find you..it always happens when you least expect it.

Speaking from 4 years of experience with the same ball and chain heh. Smiley: smile
#7 Jun 12 2004 at 8:27 PM Rating: Decent
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Fake it. I guess that's a solution. While we're at it, let's fake everything else. Let's buy everything on PLASTIC and bury ourselves in a mountain of debt. I have to deal with enough pretension at work. I sure as **** am not going to stoop to that level. I'd rather suffer.

It's no wonder there are so many divorces in our country with an attitude like that.
KMFDM quote: "Admit and Defend your emotions cuz they send out the message that is YOU and that's the only thing that's TRUE!"

Playing MMORPGs - there's another solution. Seems to work so far for me, but I'm getting sick of it.
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#8 Jun 12 2004 at 8:55 PM Rating: Good
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Are you looking for empathy or advice? If you just want people to say "Yeah, that sucks" then... yeah, that sucks. You should stop reading right now then because the rest of this post is advice.

If you want advice, what was said is good advice. Sitting in a room with a blanket over your head might let you take the moral high ground of "being true to yourself" but it's not going to help you find anyone. You need to go out and you need to meet people and you need to interact with them in a dating manner. That doesn't even mean going out and asking women "Will you be my girlfriend?" it just means you ask women out, get rejected sometimes, go on dates and find out the woman is a vapid idiot you never want to see again sometimes and eventually, God willing, find someone you enjoy being with and who enjoys being with you. But I can tell you that sitting around saying "I'm no good at asking women out" isn't going to help you find that someone.

It's not a question of being "fake", it's matter of self improvement. Terminal shyness isn't an asset. If you're not happy being alone due to your shyness, then you need to find a way to work past it and build your character so that shyness isn't an aspect of you that's holding you back from what you want.
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#9 Jun 13 2004 at 3:34 AM Rating: Decent
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Quote:

I don't get it. I just don't get it. Here I am, 28 years old, sitting here in the prime of my life on a Friday night like most every other night of my life dateless. For awhile it didn't bother me at all, now it's really starting to bother me.


You are the reason they have internet ****, my fine feathered freind.

Quote:

It seems like everybody else in the world has no problem whatsoever getting a g/f. From the pretty boys to the geekiest of geeks, they all seem to have another half. I know it's not right or fair to compare yourself to others, but I can't help it.


So get one then.


Quote:

I've always had this problem. I've only had like 1-2 girlfriends in my life, and they didn't last long. I'm shy and don't have the nerve to ask anybody out, and everbody I'm interested in seems to already have a b/f.


Make it into an experiement in psychology for yourself. Ask out a woman day for a month. If they all say no come back and post that it was a stupid idea and that I ruined your life and I'll send you $100 US.

Quote:

Is there anybody else out there who feels my pain?


I imagine there's a lot of people who are too frightened to even TRY.

$100, I'm serious. You can do it. This is probably your last chance to date teenagers too, think of that!
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#10 Jun 14 2004 at 4:28 AM Rating: Decent
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At the same age as you I was the same way as you. I was a shy, little 25yr old who couldn't ***** up the nerve to ask out a woman, even one who showed obvious interest in me.
So what did I do? I stopped over thinking it and went for it.
There are over 6.5 Billion people on the planet. More then half are women. Accounting for 18+ there's easily more then 1 billion female adults. How many have you asked out and been turned down by? Not nearly 1 Billion I'm sure. Go out and talk to women. If you sound "dorky, goofy or geeky" so what? You can't get embarressed unless you let yourself. And far too often you see a pretty woman and start thinking. That kills it right there. "oh she'd never go out with me." "oh I'll look like a dork asking her out." "oh she probably will say no and I'll feel like a loser." Just stop thinking about it and get out there and talk to women.

Or do what I'm doing and not worry about being with anyone, just busy working on myself. If it happens it happens, if not then more brownies for me. Not like any woman would dare try to come between me and my brownies. But I'm just saying. Ya know?
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#11 Jun 14 2004 at 6:35 AM Rating: Decent
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Fake it. I guess that's a solution. While we're at it, let's fake everything else. Let's buy everything on PLASTIC and bury ourselves in a mountain of debt. I have to deal with enough pretension at work. I sure as **** am not going to stoop to that level. I'd rather suffer.


Well, if that's what you want to do, that's fine with me. Happy *************

But one last note, you appeared to have missed the most important part.

Pretty soon it will become second nature to you, and you won't be faking it anymore. You will actually have more confidence, and it will show.


But if you just want to mope around, and stand off in the corner and hope some chick finds you brooding and complex, be my guest.






#12 Jun 14 2004 at 6:56 AM Rating: Decent
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Honestly its all a bunch of games for females. They love to play hard to get and wanna see if ou can stand up to their expectations and then some. Me and my current g/f played cat and mouse for 2 months till I was able to finally snag her. It takes confidence and knowing what to say at the right times.
#13 Jun 14 2004 at 8:59 AM Rating: Decent
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One way that helps people gain more confidence, is to approach and talk to girls your age, with no intention of asking them out. Decide in advance that you are talking, just to talk. Keep doing that, every chance you get. Keep it short at first. Ask about them. Ask their opinion about a move you saw. Do it with different girls. And don't ask them out! Build up confidence first. Then you will be comfortable starting up conversations. You'll have a collection of girls that you speak with in a comfortable manner.

It is typically easier to start with girls that are "safe". They already have a boyfriend, and you know it, and they know you know it. Then there's no pressure. You just get to talk, and they know you're not 'after' them.

Don't fake it, though. Communication and honesty are the prime requisites for a meaningful relationship.
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#14 Jun 14 2004 at 12:54 PM Rating: Decent
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You people really missed the point we were making, didn't you?
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#15 Jun 14 2004 at 1:27 PM Rating: Decent
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Listening to T-Rex before going out will get you laid.

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#16 Jun 14 2004 at 1:40 PM Rating: Decent
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Ok pal, here's what you should do - grow a pair!

I mean that as nicely as possible. Seriously.


The thing is, we are men. It's our job primarily to be the aggressor. I know some women will come up to men, but for the most part, it's on us. Sucks, I know, but at least we don't have to give birth. :)

Women do find confidence attractive, it's built into them. So if you want to succeed with the majority of women, better get some confidence. Please, do not live your life in a dark bedroom playing a MMORPG. What a sad existence that would be.
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#17 Jun 14 2004 at 3:27 PM Rating: Decent
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You wanted advice right? ok here goes Grow a set and ask the very worst thing she could say is NO so F*@King what she said no ask some one else
and just so you know i was just like you when i was in my early 20's now haveing asked out the wrong woman lol (my ex-wife) i asked out the right one and we have been together for 9 1/2 years
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#18 Jun 14 2004 at 3:46 PM Rating: Decent
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You people really missed the point we were making, didn't you?


They did indeed. Several times.

I suspect therefore, that it is not a lack of confidence that is causing these problems so much as it is a lack of intelligence.
#19 Jun 14 2004 at 4:47 PM Rating: Decent
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I am forced to agree.

I hereby retract what I said in my first post and advise anyone (including the OP) who thinks some of us were suggesting the OP should be a phony to trick women into liking him to stop pursuing members of the opposite *** and make no further attempts to propegate your genes.

Thank you.

That is all.

Edited, Mon Jun 14 19:57:36 2004 by Yanari
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#20 Jun 14 2004 at 6:28 PM Rating: Good
Simple, take a holiday to the Philippines. When you get back, you will have all the confidence you will ever need, guaranteed.

p.s. Try not to get married while you are there.
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#21 Jun 14 2004 at 6:58 PM Rating: Decent
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Nothing for bolstering the ego like 11 year old prostitute boys, eh?
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"God created man from a handful of dust, and he created woman from that man's rib. And these two together were so stupid that they weren't on the planet five minutes when they managed to get a curse put on all future generations. Nice work." Pat Condell
#22 Jun 14 2004 at 7:04 PM Rating: Decent
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Dude, I feel your pain...

Here are a few learned behaviors that can help, seriously:

Learn how to dance. Learn to move on the dance floor. Find some hip-hop that you can stand and learn to feel the rythm. It will feel natural with practice and other white guys will be jealous of you.

Read some literature on empathic listening. Two open ears and a closed mouth are a woman's best friend.

Look in the mirror once each day and verbally refute your insecurities.

Be friendly and polite. Don't be too formal, though.

Good luck man, and let us know how things work out.
#23 Jun 14 2004 at 7:17 PM Rating: Good
Quote:
Nothing for bolstering the ego like 11 year old prostitute boys, eh?



I think you have me confused with someone else, and your racist attitudes toward Filipinos is very ugly.

To the OP... they have women there too, some of them are not even prostitutes, if you can believe that.

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#24 Jun 14 2004 at 7:36 PM Rating: Default
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Dude i knoqw how it goes, i made this name just to ask a few questions o a different post.

but any way, i am not vvery confident my self, but i got a girl now. sahe acctually asked me first. wow im such a looser, but its cool. i usually dont have a problem with talking to girls, its just asking them out and stuff. i get real nervous and afraid of rejection.


I woul djust say w8 untill some one asks you out. but your already 28 sooo i would(if i were you, and what io am proly gonna have to do) gain confidence in yer self. lower yer standards( i havent yet thank god)(and if you have any). and just go at it.

also that learn to dance thing is a good idea. but if you dont like teh r&b/hip hop(like me) go with the dance music(like dj stuff in rave clubs) that stuff is good imo. i am thinking about getting into Break dancing but i don thtink i am stong enough yet. that **** is bad ***.

Good luck man.
#25 Jun 14 2004 at 8:51 PM Rating: Decent
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WomenTrouble,

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#26 Jun 14 2004 at 9:02 PM Rating: Good
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Don't be nervous dude, its cool.

Just start hanging out at the same places as the ladies on want to hook up with. Get to know them at whatever rate you feel is necessary.
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