Vana'diel HumorFollow

A collection of FFXI jokes that I've been thinking of for the past couple of days. Insult to any one class or race should be considered either in fun or justly deserved.

A Ranger is sitting in a tavern enjoying a drink while wearing a tabard that has the words "Thieves Suck!" inscribed in it's back. Needless to say three thieves walk into the bar and see this and are very angry about it.

The first thief calls out. "What does that shirt say?!" A ranger looks over at the innkeeper and sighs as he says, "That's the first thing I hate about thieves, they can't read..."

The second thief takes offense to this remark and walks up to the ranger in a threatening manner. "What did you say?!" He says dangerously to the ranger.

The ranger again looks at the innkeeper and says, "That's the second thing I hate about thieves, they can't hear..."

The third thief walks up and taps the Ranger on the shoulder. He is furious. "Hey, pal, you wanna take this outside?" And so the ranger gets up and goes outside with the three. A short time later he returns, albiet lacking his three "friends."

He sits down and takes another drink. "That's the third thing I hate about thieves, they bring their knives to a gunfight..."

~~~~

Q: How can you spot a Redmage in Jeuno?

A: They'll tell you. Many times.


Q: How can you tell when a Dark Knight's not getting a party?

A: They'll tell you about it. Many times.


Q: How many Paladins does it take to ***** in a lightbulb?

A: Only one, they put the bulb into the socket and the world revolves around them.

~~~~

After a meeting regarding the latest Ballista Rules in Jeuno, the three military leaders Volker of the Bastokan Mythril Musketeers, Rahal of the San D'Orian Royal Knights and Ajido-Marujido of the Windurstian War Warlocks are standing around, boasting about the strength, skill and their willingness to follow orders.

Volker, though, decides to show off his command. "You there!" He calls to one of his subordinates, who was standing around looking tough. He pointed at a random passer-by, "Kill him."

Without hesitation the Musketeer turned around and killed the unfortunate bystander. "See," Volker said "That man has balls..."

Rahal, though, was not impressed. He summoned forth one of his own escort. "You, kill that man," he said, pointing at another of his guard, "Then kill yourself..."

Without hesitation the knight killed his friend then turned the blade on himself. "No, Valker, that man had balls..."

Ajido-Marujido turned to one of the young War-Warlocks who had escorted him to Jeuno. "You, jump off the bridge..."

The young tarutaru turns and looked at his leader and asks "Excuse me?"

"JUMP OFF THE BRIDGE!"

"F***-taru you, sir!"

Marujido looks at the other two leaders and smiles. "You see, that Tarutaru has balls, and brains too!"

~~~~

As I said before, I'm not trying to insult any single job, race or country, but you all have well-developed senses of humor so this shouldn't be a problem.

Feel free to post your own jokes, maybe we can get a sticky or something...

why is the end of a mithra's tail red?


tampons havent been put into the game yet

Ajido > Everyone else

=X ew

From Grumpywookie, source of much humor on the WAR forums...

More of his stuff HERE

How different WAR subs would handle everyday problems.

Taking out the Trash:

WAR/MNK
He gathers all of the trash from the house. Every now and then he uses boost to keep from dropping the many bags.
Once he dumps them into his trash bin he wheels it out to the curb. Being a WAR, and not too bright, he is hit by a car.
He walks back inside the house to call a tow truck to come and get the car.

WAR/THF
Using flee, he speeds around the house gathering all of the trash in lightening fashion. While doing so he finds $2.87 in spare change. He is out to the curb and back so fast that the car misses him entirely. Chores complete, he hops his fence and uses sneak attack to snog his neighbor's wife.

WAR/NIN
Whipping out his trusty bag of magic dust he casts Hitecky Macasooni: Garbage. (at a cost of $1,300) All of the trash in the house floats in the air and follows him out to the curb. The whole time he is using his cell phone in one hand AND holding orange juice in the other hand. The car hits one of his shadows and he doesn't notice.

WAR/WHM
Mr. Buttersheep gathers up all the trash. His many months of book study have cut his gym time and the trash is a lot heaver than he was expecting. Dumping the trash into the bin he wheels it out to the curb. His slight boost in intelligence allows him to look for traffic before he steps into the street. However he is still a WAR, still not so bright, so he just watches as the car hits him anyway. The occupants of the car leap out and rush to aid him but he waives them off. He can, after all, cast cure on himself. He does so and feels a little better. He must lie there for another hour before he has enough mana to cast it again. Three days later he feels good enough to actually get up.

Saving the Princess:

WAR/MNK
Our hero finds the Princess at the local vending machine. The vile machine has taken her dollar but not given her the drink she picked. Pulling he GAXE he uses boost and cuts the machine in half. She gets the drink she wants AND the dollar back. He gets a phone number.

WAR/THF
Our hero finds the Princess at the local vending machine. With sneaky finger work he gets 3 sodas, 2 candy bars, and the entire contents of the coin box. After getting her phone number he uses sneak attack and trick attack to goose her on the ***. Spinning around the Princess punches the WAR/WHM in the mouth. He had been standing near by and looking for a party and hadn't noticed anything going on.

WAR/NIN
Our hero finds the Princess at the local vending machine. Whipping out his bag of magic dust he casts YokoOno Wokisahsi: Vending Machine (at a cost of $2,015). Cans spew out of the machine. He walks off with the Princess in one hand AND a soda in the other.

WAR/WHM
He still isn't sure why he got punched.

Doing the Laundry:

WAR/MNK
Pretty simple. His Monk clothes are all darks so he tosses those in with everything else.

WAR/THF
No problem here.

WAR/NIN
He COULD cast Woliteikaite Fijitsu: Wash. (That would cost him $28.95) But he needs to save cash so he does it the normal way. As he does the laundry he reads a copy of muscle fitness in one hand AND holds his beer in the other hand.

WAR/WHM
Buttersheep boy tossed his WHM clothes in with his AF armor and now his mage robes have been turned pink.

Edited, Mon Jul 25 22:49:40 2005 by Almet

I just remembered a thing that one of teh people in my LS posted a long time ago. He was stuck on a long car trip and thought these up, with some help.

Doin it!

Warriors do it hard
Monks do it with their hands
White Mages keep you doin it
Black Mages do it big time
Red Mages do it in a chapeu
Thieves do it from behind
Paladins don't do it very much
Dark Knights do it woefully
Beastmasters get others to do it for them
Rangers do it from 30 feet away
Samurais do it over and over and over
Ninjas do it with tools
Dragoons do it from above
Summoners do it with a friend

Bards...I can't remember

I'm thinking people could use a good laugh right now.

*super bumps*