The Book of Noob, Volume I.Follow

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The Book of Noob, Volume I.
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Chapters

1. Preface
2. Target Audience
3. OMG WTFRZ!!!!one!!!!eleven!!!
4. /shout is not your friend
5. Gameplay Etiquette
6. The ABC's of equipment and levels
7. Cumulative Learning and you
8. Miscellaneous
9. Conclusion





Chapter I
Preface

First and foremost, this "guide" is written with a satirical twist, and if you get a laugh out of it, good. If you learn something, that's even better. It's not meant to force opinions upon anyone, just general guidelines. Although I'm sure I'll be tasting my foot more than once for even making this.
You'll hear the words "newb" and "noob" sprinkled throughout this post, and you should know their meanings. "Newb" and "Noob" are NOT interchangeable.

Newb: A new player, someone lacking knowledge of the game, inexperienced.
Noob: Selfish, rude, uncaring, unwilling to listen or learn, immature, self-righteous, elitist. The description goes on.

This text isn't meant to be an end-all be-all, and as such it shouldn't be taken as the gospel.

Remember, it's just a game.




Chapter II
Target Audience

This is intended for those relatively new to the game, as I'm hoping to nip future noob problems in the bud. I've had too many frustrating experiences with players to sit back and wait for the next generation of new players to turn out like some of their current counterparts. God help them.




Chapter III
OMG WTFRZ!!!!one!!!!eleven!!!

The title of this Chapter is a shining example of how not to present yourself in this game, or any other form of intelligent communication. Not only does typing in that way make you damned near unintelligible, it also doesn't show much in the way of your maturity. Typing style speaks wonders, and bastardizing the english language is definitely not a good goal. Personally I feel like I lose IQ points every time I have to read something like that.

Here's an example:

Noob: hey dood luk @ tha monstar ther
Noob: i bet i cun woop its @ss
Noob uses Provoke on the Sea Horror.
The Sea Horror hits Noob for 856 points of damage.
Noob is defeated by the Sea Horror.
Noob>> hey dood plz can u raiz me plz plz PLZ!!11!
Whm: Urgh!
Whm starts casting Warp on Whm.
Whm Vanishes!

Now the same events played out from a different angle:

AntiNoob: That thing looks mean.
AntiNoob uses Provoke on the Sea Horror.
The Sea Horror hits AntiNoob for 856 points of damage.
AntiNoob is defeated by the Sea Horror.
AntiNoob>> Uh, sorry to bother you, but I attacked the Sea Horror and got stupid all over myself. Could you spare a raise for a silly newb?
Whm: Why certainly!
Whm starts casting Raise on AntiNoob.


While the actual outcome of both of these examples depends largely on the whm/rdm in question, I can guarantee you that if you refrain from typing like a drunk monkey, the odds of you getting that raise will tilt greatly in your favor. For the love of all that's holy, please make an effort to show that you've passed the 5th grade.




Chapter IV
/shout is not your friend

I feel like I need to make an entire section devoted to this topic, what with all the shout spam I see now. For those of you who don't know, /shout is a privilege, not a right. No one in this game wants to see that you're a WAR15 looking for a party EVERY FRIGGING 30 SECONDS. This kind of behavior will only land you on more blacklists than party rosters, I cannot stress that enough.

There is simply NO NEED FOR IT. If you have your invite flag up, the party leaders in that area WILL SEE YOU when they look for a member, and WILL INVITE YOU if your job is needed. The only thing you're doing by /shout'ing repeatedly is spamming the log windows of future potential party members who need to be paying attention to the log, NOT being informed of your free agent status every millisecond.




Chapter V
Gameplay Etiquette

Your manners and attitude towards other players in this game should be a major concern to you, and here's why: The higher you level, the more tight-knit the community gets. That time you disbanded your whm in the Dunes and called her a Noob because she hit the wrong macro might come back to bite you in the *** down the line when a mob has you down to a sliver of health and your friend the Whm just happens to be in your party again.

The old adage "Actions speak louder than words" applies, and your actions are king in this game. Your reputation is generally affected directly by your actions, and if you don't mind what you do, you'll soon be wondering why you never get to employ the /join command.




Chapter VI
The ABC's of equipment and levels

Do you know what business a level 18 Warrior in Bronze Armor and an Onion Sword in the Dunes has? Just about the same business as a level 12 Paladin with two Physical Earrings and a Hume Vest. Absolutely none. Your gear is your life, and you should treat it as that. Wearing gear that's quite outdated because "im so poor" or "it's so hard to get gilz!" is not an excuse. Square made many ways to get money in this game, put them to use. Being lazy gets you absolutely nowhere, fast. Mages can generally slide by with a little older gear, because mages are looking for boosts to stats most of the time, not the DEF rating.

The same goes for inappropriate gear, as the Paladin example above demonstrated. A full mage that's eating Mithkabobs and using a staff with the most DMG stat because they "r0xorz at melee" should be shot on sight. There are threads on these forums that will give you general guidelines on what you should be wearing/eating for exp parties, read them.

As for underleveled subjobs, view them like drinking a bottle of Clorox. Just say no. You're not only depriving yourself of added stat bonuses, you're effectively gimping yourself and your party because it "suxerz" to level another job. You and your party will thank yourself later. There is absolutely no excuse to be trotting around as a MNK23/WAR4 with your invite flag up. Go level your sub.




Chapter VII
Cumulative Learning and you

You do not know everything about this game. Let me emphasize that. YOU DO NOT KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS GAME. Having a copy of a Bradygames strategy guide does not make you the all-knowing deity of Final Fantasy. It, in fact, skews your view of things significantly from what they should be sometimes. "Never use a DRK as a SATA partner!" "BST's make a party's EXP go down the toilet!" It's utter nonsense. Owning a strategy guide proves to me that you're literate, and nothing else.

If someone suggests something to you, take into consideration what they're saying. With more experience you'll learn what's legit advice and what's not, and can act accordingly. The first thing out of your mouth shouldn't be "lolz, stfu u stoopid n00b!" when someone is trying to help you LEARN. Getting your shiny new subjob ability or your first piece of AF does NOT make you Buddha.

People who are unwilling to listen or learn are one of the biggest frustrations you'll encounter, and has lead to many /pcmd leave's for me. Acting like an *** will get you nowhere but blacklists and the laughingstock of others. This is a social game, and you're not going to get anywhere acting like King **** of **** Mountain.




Chapter VIII
Miscellaneous

If you're playing your first character or first job, forget that magical word "powerlevel". Eject it from your vocabularly and keep it far far away. Being powerleveled teaches you nothing about the role of your job or party dynamics. It's the exact reason there are level 50+ people running around that are completely clueless about what they're doing.

Anyone can walk a tightrope with a harness attached to the ceiling, but what happens when you take away the safety net? Your party will be that big greasy splatter on the floor, and it's all thanks to you. Learn what your role is in the party, practice your job long and hard, and don't even think about the word "powerlevel" until you have a VERY firm understanding of what your function is and how parties work. No one wants a Paladin that won't cure himself because "the WHM has Cure III for a reason, n00bs!".




Chapter IX
Conclusion

This "guide" (rant) has been a long-time coming, after countless hours of frustration because of bad parties filled with people that didn't know what the hell they were doing. Not because they were new players, but because they were noob players. New players usually have the common decency to ATTEMPT to learn, whereas the Noobs know everything and shouldn't be questioned under any circumstances, at least in their own minds.

I sincerely hope you learned something, and until next time, have fun.

lol. I enjoyed that piece but I'd like to add an idea, even though it has no baring what-so-ever on your guide, but is mearly a partial rant of itself.

I think SE should set up a seperate server for new players until they reach level 20. The requirements to leave the "newbie" server would be: Level 20, atleast rank 2, and a general knowledge of the game evaluation process.

Also an addon to previous paragraph, anyone under 14 should be forced to remain on the newbie server, where all their power hungry, mother doesn't give me enough attention and beating on the dog isn't fun anymore so i'll flex my nuts to you and curse you with my presense, ******** can reign supreme in their own seclusion.

I'm pretty sure you've just echoed the opinion of every half-decent player on FFXI. On top of that, you made it humorous instead of whiny. I like that. You rock. :)

Rate up.

By the way, I'm going to assume since this is "Volume 1" then are will be more coming soon? Please?

Generally, I'd agree with you except one thing. The new users, who we all once were, need someone to guide them a bit. For instance, I greatly benefitted from having a level 25 boyfriend helping me along, giving me tips and advice. So if you're idea is to work, SE would need to make sure there were several mentors. Or, maybe even make it optional for higher level chars to play on the server.

But I do have to agree with the second idea. Ugh. So many kids playing the game, speaking unintelligent net-speak babble. Although, I would make an option for linkshells to allow younger people in at their discretion. Not all the young ones are obnoxious twits. :D My first friend in the game, besides my boyfriend, was a 14 year old kid who helped me along a LOT. He showed me where to fight and stayed with me to make sure I was safe. He bought me a new weapon and a shield. Just because he was a nice kid. :)

lol thats great...
hey dood look @ tha monster thar
that was quite funny. now wheres volume 2?

i try to be paticent with newbs..but sometimes tiredness and reapeting yourself over and over again gets quite frustrating..the worst thing is telling them how to set macros..ouch my head hurts thinking about it!

ohh well was a good thread interweb speak annoys me but u cant say that sometimes its faster and easier to type shortened words eg please - plz

I'm sooo stealing that now. hahahaha

Ecellent post Vedema.

I would like to add one thing though. To all the newbs:

DO NOT ASK FOR GIL AND/OR ITEMS.

Like vedema said, there are plenty of ways to get gil. Go farm crystals, or try doing missions and quests, but do not ask for Gil. Nothing aggrevates me more than some lvl 8 warrior asking me to buy him a set of Leather armor because he can't afford it himself.

Oh, and not so seriously, but shame on everyone that gives their Gil away to anyone who asks. You are not doing them any favors. It is much better that they learn to farm and earn their Gil at low levels. They won't have "friends" to supply them with Gil for their entire career, and they shouldn't think that from day 1.

1) The PL thing should be its own chapter. This is getting worse and worse on Seraph, with a different 4WAR/no SJ shouting for a PL pretty much every day in Sandy. This angers me to the point where I have almost done a shout of my own asking people to NOT PL the noob. If the game is that excruciatingly boring to you, go play Halo or something.

2) I think you should also add a chapter about RAISES.

As in, if you are low enough level that the whm in your party doesn't have it you don't need it. Just hp for the love of Altana! I hate it when people die in the dunes and just continue to lay there in the sand. At that level, you are losing 200-300 exp when you die. You can make about 500-600 exp in the time it takes to get a raise and become unweakened. So guess what? You lost exp by getting raised. With the amount of deaths in the dunes every day, think of how much downtime this is.

"stfu my HP is in Xarcabard!!11!" ...deal with it. Get used to asking everyone if they've set their HP when you form a party. Even with a Bastok/Sandy/Windy/Jeuno HP, you can get a tele and be back fighting quicker than if you got a raise.

And please, if you are a bored whm/rdm/pld/blm don't just go around raising noobs. It may make you feel all warm and tingly, but in the long run it reinforces the idea that getting raised is a right, and that it is better than HPing for low levels. Dying is part of the learning process of the game, and noobs need to experience it.

/end rant *blush*

Edited, Wed Dec 15 10:06:18 2004 by Minaku

Even that might be a stretch... ;)

Well said overall.

-DR

/me makes mental note to stop shouting for parties.

newb here myself (didn't know there was a difference between noob or newb either). for the most part i go by that guide anyway. i don't ask for gil or weapons/armour or free teleports or anything like that.

i've no problem asking questions but i don't want to feel like i'm hassling people as i find in a lot of games you will find any number of experienced players who aren't newb friendly and forget that they where once at that stage themselves.

anyway see ya's on bahamut, i'm currently facing the dunes myself.

data

Very funny and informative! This post is a must-read for any beginner. Hope to hear more from you! ^^/

Funny Post

I enjoyed reading it.

Edited, Wed Dec 15 17:22:59 2004 by Zadiel