Compared to how this topic was recieved the last few times it was brought up here, I can see we have made some good progress.
To the OP, thank you for bringing some objective information to the scenario. It's always difficult to have a clear discussion about something when the facts aren't laid out in front of you. At least now we have a pretty clear understanding of what is seen on a JP terminal.
It really says a lot about a person when they find out their actions can be deemed offensive by someone, and their response is, "I don't care, they can do <something> differently if they don't like it."
"I don't care if they don't like to be /checked. If they don't like it, they can turn on their filters."
It's rather disturbing, really. It doesn't represent a huge leap in logic to also assume that the people who say that are also the people that are most inclined to rant about "JP PT ONLY" in search comments, or the JP WHM who ran by them when they were dead and didn't stop to raise them.
You reap what you sow. If you are of the attitude that other people should make adjustments to accomodate your offensive whims, eventually it will come back to you.
To be honest, I think a lot of the tension between JP and NA has died down recently. The whole culture shock seems to be wearing off after just over a year since FFXI went mainstream in North America (Christmas of 2003). I think the majority of the population has reached a conclusion based on their experiences with one another. You'll find NAs and JPs who are willing to cooperate and work together. I believe they represent the majority.
Then you will find JPs that want nothing to do with NAs, and NAs who feel the same way. Their justifications for it are their own, and both sides display prejudices that really have no benefit in any community.
The key, I think, is to consider whether our own individual actions difuse, maintain, or escalate a negative situation. Every time a JP goes out of their way to be helpful or kind to an NA player, they help to diffuse tensions. Any time an NA goes out of there way to do the same (including respecting the customs and expectations the JP developed before the game reach North American shores), they also help to difuse the situation.
When JP go about their business doing what they normally do, they neither difuse nor escalate the situation, it remains the same. When NA players who don't know any better /check people without asking, I would assume by now that most JP are used to it. In my eyes, it's not acceptable to /check someone without asking if you know it's not socially accepted, but in this case, it's not such a major violation that ignorance can't be used as a justification.
It's when JPs are blatantly rude to NAs, and vice-versa, that the situation escalates. NAs spamming emotes in Jeuno, /checking people multiple times over the course of just a few minutes, or just being obnoxious in general, the tensions escalate.
So if we know what can make the situation improve or deteriorate, what benefit is accrued to us by doing things that we know can make them worse?
I was on the airship the other day, and happened to notice someone standing next to me in amazing gear. I send them a /tell using the translator to ask if I could check them ({Excuse me...} {/check} OK?). They agreed, and I checked them. Kirin's Osode, Seiryu's Kote, Optical Hat, Fenrir Earring, Francisca, Kreigsbeil (sp)...the works. He was a fellow RNG, and if there was a better piece of armor etc. he could have had in any of his gear slots, nobody knows about it yet.
I can definately see where people are coming from when they say it's neat to check the gear of someone who has some really cool stuff. There's no disputing that. It's one thing to hear about it, another thing to read about it, but somehow there's something entirely different about seeing it on someone in the game. I think the only thing that would be better would be having all of that stuff myself ^^ (along with the level I could use it :P)
The question remains though, would it be worth embarassing myself and making myself look rude and thoughtless for the sake of examining someone's gear. Even more so when it's so simple to ask first and potentially head off any misunderstandings?
It's like the cheesy cliche, "If you're not a part of the solution, you're a part of the problem."
Sometimes, I almost wish that their weren't laws preventing parents from beating some courtesy into their children from time to time as needed. You know, like in the movies where the portly mother chases the dopey son around the house wacking him over the head with a broom because he's too stupid to realize that he's rude?
Maybe it's just a youth thing. I can remember when I was of that age where I figured that if it wasn't something that could get me arrested, there was no reason for me to not do it. Maybe asking some of the rude NA players to grow up would be unfair and unrealistic (regardless of what their real age is). Perhaps the best we can hope for is that these thoughts and social expectations are something they remember later on when being the "rebel without a clue" loses it's luster and they start to wonder why they're having a hard time getting through life.
I guess we can hope that everyone will eventually reach a point where the wisdom they cast aside as stupid when they were younger actually has practical applications when their success later requires on the cooperation of others.
All told though, I would have to say that I have a much more difficult time practicing tolerance for the clueless NA folk who run around like it's their right to offend anyone for any reason than I do trying to relate to people who have a different culture and a totally different language from my own.