As a long time gamer and veteran of the MMO genre, I've experienced my fair share of ground-breaking ideas that have really made me stand up and take notice. After playing Final Fantasy XI and random F2P games for long periods of time, I'm sure you all remember just how awesome it was to experience World of Warcraft's massive community driven UI modifications. I'm sure most of you can remember the time when you really started to abuse that UI system; downloading every possible modification that wouldn't actually help you, but definitely made the game look nice and modern (honestly, who can say no to an odometer that measures DPS!?). In reality, while most MMOs manage to get in those two or three really cool things that set their game apart, there's the fact that a lot of MMOs also have those design choices that make you want to cry or cause you to throw your hands up in exasperation.

I've decided to name the top five things that really grind my gears whenever I play any MMO. Mind you, this isn't a case of me taking the opportunity to list five things that I hate about a game that has done me wrong ('Ode to all that is Galaxy Online'), but more like these are some of the top five recurring problems that I've found in so many games that it makes my head spin.

5. Kill Ten Rats.

*Shluck* *Shploop*
That's the sound of my brain oozing out of my ears and forming a puddle around my feet in a desperate attempt to escape the monotony that comes with killing these ten damned rats. I realize that all MMOs have attempted to grapple with the 'kill x number of y' quests, and I also realize that there are some dev teams making a conscious effort to move away from this masochistic endeavour. In reality, I don't mind these genocidal quests that fail to take their ecological impact into account, but when I never have fewer than three quests that tell me to kill rats (sometimes mice), ghouls (sometimes goblins) and goblins (sometimes ghouls), you can be certain that a little part of me just died on the inside.

4. Really Weird Looking User Interfaces That Can't Be Changed.

That's a pretty long qualm, but I'm being fairly specific here. Does anybody get a little bit sad when they grab a game that's on the 'cutting edge' of technology, only to find that, tacked on to this graphical behemoth like those really weird scarves that artistic kids hang off of their necks, the UI ends up looking like a cut and paste project from a kindergarten class? Maybe it's just me, but whenever I have to play a game that requires a $2000 computer to display the funky graphics, but the UI looks like a direct plagiarism of an old school Atari game (I'm thinking Pong), my enjoyment of the game diminishes significantly. Maybe I just like having an odometer go up and down in relation to my DPS. Who doesn't?

3. Forced Open World PVP.

To this day I can't think of any game that has properly implemented open world PVP that was fun, accessible, and interesting. Most users will cite World of Warcraft's Blackrock Spire at level 60 as the bygone days of unrestricted world PVP, but I'm certain that for every guy out there frapsing his next PVP video, there were 10 other players who didn't get to take part. Obviously there's the point that unrestricted world PVP gives way too many opportunities for users to 'grief' other players, so PVP zones were put into effect (a la Warhammer's Keeps and World of Warcraft's global PVP objective zones). The unfortunate thing here is that when PVPers get corralled into specific zones... they don't go. Anyone can cite the barren 'PVP objectives' that littered the outlands in The Burning Crusade, and as a PVP enthusiast in Warhammer Online, I remember ranging the PVP zones far and wide only to find one guy who appeared to be AFK outside of my keep - possibly waiting for it to change to his faction's control so that he could get his rewards and continue levelling. In fact, to this day I have yet to witness some really organic open world PVP. In further consideration, however, maybe it's the players and the developers who are to blame for this... Does anyone remember getting a few friends together to smash the guys who were innocently farming for their money? I clearly recall cursing the open PVP system when I was the victim, but man is it ever fun when you can do it to someone else. I guess that explains why we can't have world PVP.

2a. Death Knights.

Oh, sorry. I said I wouldn't be specific.

2b. That Class That Devs Love (And By Extension That Means That They Do Not Love You).

I'm sure everyone gets this feeling whenever they play any game (I'm looking at you Summoner). In particular, I've noticed that even the dude who's playing that Death Kni- errr, overpowered class tends to whine that he's underpowered and that X class (typically the class that counters your own) is really the problem of game balance. While I may be echoing this same form of hypocritical resentment, I'm sure most of the general public can spot when the devs put a lot of time and effort into someone else to the point where you really feel like they've forgotten that guy in the corner. We all have that black sheep class in every game that has largely been ignored every patch day. Alternatively, it's interesting to note that players of this 'forgotten' class can use their inequality as a scapegoat when they lose in PVP environments, so maybe it's not all bad.

1. Bring Me Ten Rat Hides.

In an even more bizarre turn of events, you end up killing more than ten rats to get ten rat hides because sometimes the rats have no skin. Collect ten ogre axes? OK, but remember that sometimes those Ogre Mages have axes, and sometimes those Ogre... Axemen don't have axes. In fact, I'd say you have a 30% chance of finding an axe on an Ogre, regardless if they are wielding an axe at that precise moment. Even better is when games tell their players that they will keep quest drops consistent. What they mean is that if you need ten dragon hearts, you really only need to kill ten dragons (although you might have to kill 11 if you happen to kill the one dragon in the world without a heart). It's funny because now the quest has become 'kill ten rats but with proof,' or, even better, the average amount of rat hides needed grows to make up for the statistical probability of getting ten random rat hides. I suppose your choices ultimately come down to: kill ten rats, kill twenty rats for a good chance of getting ten rat hides or kill twenty rats for twenty rat hides (the quest demands twenty because each rat will drop a rat hide). Awesome.

0. Kill Ten Rats As Part Of The Storyline.

I'm sorry, I know there is no number 0, but I just remembered this. If you kill ten rats, what difference will that make on the rat population!? Why ten in particular!? What if you kill eleven!? Why do you need me to kill so many things in multiples of five just to appeal to your arbitrary rules!? Why can't I lie in this MMO and just tell you that I killed ten of these things!?

*Cough*

Alright, that's all I have for this list. I'm sure all of you can fill in slots -1 to -300, so feel free to post more underneath. Venting is therapeutic! Now bring me ten rat hides!

Christopher "Pwyff" Tom
Editor
ZAM.com