My Final Decision.Follow

As I am writing this, it is currently 12:54 AM, February 24th, 2005. There is a chance that in the morning when I wake up, I might recant this (i.e. edit it into deletion), so don't hold me to it until Thursday night.

I have played this game since early June, 2004 and with a small break (forced) because of changing platforms, have played it nonstop since then. I have seen the furthest reaches of this world of Vana'diel, and have felt the warmth of the Goddess' love (I'm a role player, keep that in mind), when I talk to the various NPCs.

In my time here, I have joined several linkshells, met many people, some of which I am proud to say I am friends with outside of the game now. You know who you are.

I have joined this forum, and I post here regularly, and talk to several of its members via IM fairly frequently.

*bites his lip*

I joined this game with the express purpose of using it as a chance to get my "feet wet" so to speak in a MMO, before the game "Wish" came out. Once "Wish" came out, I was going to drop FFXI, and play that.

"Wish" got cancelled in early Janruary.

Much to my disappointment.

Those of you who know me know that for a while now I have been becoming less and and less enchanted with this game, and more and more tired of it. It has run the emotional gamut with me on more than one occasion, and it continues to do so.

...there is no easy way to say this, is there?

Over the past three months, there have been three anchors that have been keeping me bound to Vana'diel.

One of them is someone who is probably one of my closest friends in the world, and is the person who I wanted to explore this game with until the end. Due to things that happened, both in and out of our control...we grew apart, and we barely talk anymore. Not in the game, nor out of it. And judging from how she reacts when I mention this to her...I think that she thinks our friendship has run its course, which saddens me to no end.

One anchor snapped.

Another is the various ls that I belong to. The one that I was in at the beginning of the game, Devilwolfpack, has fallen apart, and has almost disappeared. Nightfallsfavor has shrunk, with several of the people I knew in the beginning either quit, or have moved onto other linkshells.

And Dawn...my beloved Dawn.

I have been searching for you since I began the game, and just when I finally find you, you come when it is a bit too late for me to feel your rose fingers brush my face.

Two anchors snapped.

The third one is something that developed quite recently.

I... made a promise to someone, a promise that I worry that I will not be able to keep, because I might not be strong enough.

I don't fear much in my life...but I do fear letting this person down.

I don't think I could ever forgive myself if I was to hurt this person.

Two anchors snapped, and a third wavering.

Currently, I have debts outstanding to certain individuals in excess of 300k in gil. I am a man of my word, and a man of honor, so I will repay these debts. Offering tele-vhazl's, tele-yhoat's, and playing the AH all add up quickly, so I will be able to pay off the debt in a short matter of time.

Once I am debt free....

*bows head a bit*

There is no easy way of saying this.

Except...the little light at the bottom of the stairs in Lower Jueno doesn't thrill my heart anymore so...

I will be leaving Final Fantasy XI.

No, I will not be deleting my character. And no, I will not be giving away my items or (nonexistant) gil, so don't bother asking. Oh, and I won't be selling my character's either. Not that anyone would want a Whm/brd...

Most likely, I will be striking it out to Everquest II, to the
"Antonia Bayle" or "Lucan D'lerre" Role-playing servers.

If I get bored there, who knows?

I might give FFXI another shot.

I'll update this thread when I am gone.

And again, there is the chance that I might change my mind in the morning, and I might still be playing FFXI into infinity.

Maybe.

Oh my god Night.. I just partied with you.. It's because I died isn't it... I knew it.. I didn't try hard enough /cry. Seriously though hun, do what you think is best. You know you will be missed. I am really glad I got a chance to get to know you a little better... and I wish you all the best in everything. Though he is sleeping.. I'm sure Semaj would say the same.

*hugs*

No, you're not allowed. :p You just got your AF boots, and I said I wanted to see you get to my level, so you're not allowed. :p

I can understand losing interest. I've been playing since PC release so I've obviously struggled through that kinda feeling. (yes I'm only level 56 after that amount of time... >_>) If you think you still want to play but can't find interest to do it, take a break. Worked wonders for me when I went on vacation for two weeks (mandatory, since SE broke my adapter -_-).

Still the choice is yours. Can't hold you back if you don't wanna stay. We only just met in game but I've read lots of your posts here. Drop by even if you do quit. We need some sanity left here!

Nights, we didn't really know each other too well, but few times I've spoken with you, and from your posts here, I know that you are an upstanding citizen of our community here. It's sad to hear that this world no longer has that spark for you.

As much as everyone would like you to stay, you can only do what you feel is the right decision at the time, my friend. Good luck in all of your endeavors. May the light always show you the way. You'll be missed.

--Arondight, Bismarck

/sigh... I remember when Fairyqueen invited you into my new LS. BTW, My LS drifted apart... but I deiced to bring it back ^^d

Well, anyway. I remember you helpin' me with Promyvion - Dem that one time...

Well, I'll (and all of Bismarck) will miss ya man... See ya around... I guess...

It's a sad thing, but I wish you luck Nights. Everyone will leave the game sooner or later, it's an inevitability. The best way to deal with it is to keep in touch and remember the good times.

Incidintly Nights, you might get more out of the game if you stopped taking it so seriously. There are a lot of serious things in the game, you're dealing with real people who have real feelings, but most sane people understand that it's just a game.

My first really major MMO was Everquest, which I was in for 2 years. During that 2 years I had a lot less enjoyment and a lot more pain because I took everything way too seriously. I was physically afraid of hurting someones feelings in the game if I asked them for a favor, or if I thought I was a bit more obnoxious than I thought.

I lost a lot of friends in EQ, and all the time I thought it was because of some sort of personality flaw I had, such as arrogance or ignorance. Well, that might have been part of the reason, but today I realize it's probably because I took everything WAY too seriously.

You just need to sit back and enjoy the game for what it is, and don't expect it to be something it's not. I'm not saying you are doing any of this Nights, but it's worth saying in case you might be.

In the end, FFXI is a game. The relationships you make with people in it are very real, but the world is still just a game. Games are meant to be enjoyed for what they are, games. If you've genuinely stopped enjoying the game for the game, then you should stop playing or at least take a break.

But if you're going to stop playing because of some sort of relationship thing, well, and forgive me for saying this, but that's pretty naive. Friends, even truly great ones, are lost by people every single day, but they keep on living.

MMOs are unique because they have real people in real relationships. Thus you should treat the relationships in an MMO like they were real life. In real life you'd keep on living. Maybe you should think about that Nights.

Sorry for the long post, but I felt I should express my opinion. Hell, it might not even apply to you Nights, but.....*shrug*

Anyway, we'll all be sad if you leave, so keep in touch one way or another.

Edited, Thu Feb 24 10:47:21 2005 by MagicWeaponZill

i've never talked to you personally, but i've seen you poking around jeuno once in a while

go where you must Night, and take care of yourself.

It is truly a sad day, I'm sorry to hear you will be leaving us.
If (and hopefully when) you return I'm sure it will be to open arms.

Well Nights I only partied with ya once, and that was for 5-1 which was fun :) Anyhow Good luck on RL issues, FQ and I will miss seeing you around.

sorry to see yet another player go -.-

Edited, Fri Feb 25 10:35:57 2005 by Awias

I never saw you in game but i read and enjoyed your posts here. Peace out and take it easy.

When I first posted that I was leaving, I was flooded with more tells, IMs, and PMs from more people than I ever knew asking me to stay. These people were people that I knew from the game, from this board, people I had helped, and even total strangers who only had known me from random times in jueno or knew me because they lurk on these boards.

They all said different things, but had one major thing in common.

They all asked me to stay, and said that they would be sad to see me go. A couple even went so far as to offer to pay off my debts if that would convince me to stay.

When I first posted this thread, I said that there were only three things binding me to this world.

I was wrong.

Talking to all of these people made me realize that there were a thousand different anchors connected to me from Vana'diel by invisible spider threads, invisible to the eye, but stronger than steel when all taken together.

I am sorry for straying like a prodigal son.

There is one other thing I need to say. To the person who I said I had made a promise to in my first post...

My faith in my word wavered, and it was only after I talked to you that I realized that no matter what happens, I will die before I willingly break my word to you.

If you even read this forum threads, then just know...

I throw myself down before you on my knees in front of everyone, begging you for your forgiveness.

Give me a second chance...please. I won't let you down.

I promise.

And to the rest of Bismarck...

I also ask you for a second chance, and to allow me to somehow make up for the mistake I made of picking up my bags to go.

Will you absolve me?...

It's because I couldn't PT with you isn't it? *lol*