The lines can blurFollow

Dude. WTF are you talking about? Anyone who falls in love in a freaking game has got to be the most pathetic person in the world.

OK it's too late at night for me to go philosophical, but...

Well basically, sometimes people get attached to the people on the "other side of the computer screen." I know I truly consider the people in my LS as friends (though it needs to be said that we were an online community *FAR* before this game was even conceived), but would I personally want to start a "more than friends" relationship? No. But that's just me. A real life friend's mother ended up marrying a guy she met on an online game and that turned out rather well. I guess it just depends on how well you know the person.

And personally, I don't think those kinds of feelings are a result of role playing. If you're falling in love with a role-player, you're either falling in love with their character or their acting ability. Still I know a couple people that could "relate" to another person though traits and abilities (in this sense, acting).

In the end I'm not entirely sure. I would think it'd be a result of the two people becoming so comfortable with each other that they just want to go "further," but in my personal opinion it shouldn't go that fast. >_>

Then again I'm no dating guru.

Well now see, every good relationship requires both parties to come to an understanding. And it's pretty obvious that in your example, those two people did not.

Knowing a person online is *not* enough (though I should mention the disclaimer, "in my opinion" though I would think that's obvious), if you want to pursue a "serious" relationship, it's time to start getting to know this person, in person. Or hell even over the phone would be better than chatting "lol"'s back and forth.

In-game and out that's how a relationship needs to work. You need to know each other. Can't just be in it for the "perks" because sometime down the line, you're going to get tired or bored and then what? You're screwed (pun intended), that's what.

This is a *really* touchy subject with me considering my best friend did something stupid like this, in that he didn't understand what he wanted in a relationship and ended up not only getting burned, but losing something he can never get back.

Your example is a bit more extreme. Which only exemplifies the fact that if you're going to get into a relationship, but better damn well know what you're getting into. You gotta look beyond the lovey-dovey feeling and the lovestruck sighs. Time to look reality in the eye and find out what the other person's really like and if you really want to be with them.

Sometimes, people are hit by reality really hard at that point. And unfortunately some people just don't learn til reality smacks them in the face.

...I know I know, I'm getting off the soapbox.

VR love...

Three of my friends have fallen in love with people over the wired, and one was engaged even (the wedding broke off because of well...he was boosting cars, and it didn't end so well for him).

My other friends are in very stable relationships though. They both talk to thier partner on the phone, and except for the distance, I think they are both very much so like any regular couple.

I have posted it before in another thread much like this one, and I will dig up the link after my 8:00 AM Science Lab -.- and post it here.

Man I was looking for a thread like this. Man in my linkshell there is these two players whom shall remain nameless. Anyway it took me awhile to figure out what was going down between them. I would run by the market in Bastok and I would see her and him sitting under a tree. There's nothing wrong with that. except she would have a bazzar open and he wouldn't ... I was like ok... Then I tell him .. man what are you doing here?? I talking to **** I was like hey whatever.. Then everyday or other day I would see it. So then I tell him "man I swear its like you two are dating or something". Does he really say no to me?? Nope.. I mean in the linkshell she calls him sweety and stuff. If they said there married or something I'd like ok cool. However I don't think its the case. Is this really any of my business?? Personally a brutha could care less. I like to see females I talk to and online dating is creepy to me and there's a chance "she" maybe a fat guy named Fred. The whole thing with becoming attached to people online may stem from a lack of in their personal lives.. But hey what do I know?? The only "friends" I have when playing this game are only my friends whom I see everyday at school and have the displeasure of knowing for years. That's my opinion I hope this helps your question and also I hope I didn't sound too one-sided there.

Rather harshly stated, but I tend to agree with the premise. This is a game and therefore should be left as a game. One of my original shells broke due to this constant annoying flirting, and I have been in other shells where it has been present. The sad thing is I liked the people as individuals, but once one would sign on and the other was already there, "Hey Honey!"s would start flying and I'd start hurling.

Please, if you want to do the little flirty thing whatever, just keep it to /tells or AIM or something.

Malorie...wait, thanks for reminding me. I was s'posed to call her back...

I have been on the receiving end of that myself before, waaay back when I used to rp with round 30 people on Yahoo! messanger/chat rooms. Girl fell in love with my writing style (if you read my stories, you will see I have a tendency to go explore more emotional aspects of things), yet couldn't tell me if I was left or right handed, what made me smile, made me sad, or anything about me. She could only tell me my name, my asl, and a few minor things. So I fully agree with that.



I don't know about that...

I have met a whole lot of people in this game, and while a lot do suspend disbelief and the laws of reality, not all do.

I do agree with the whole idea of having to meet face to face though.

*shrugs*

If I said "I love you" to someone here, it isn't really real. Just words hurtling through cyberspace to someone is what it amounts to. Pixels, 0's and 1's.

My friends who date online, I think it is wonderful that they found happiness that way. I don't understand how they can pledge themselves to each other without even having felt each other's caress, but then again, I am not him/her.

I believe that if you are going to truly love someone, you gotta meet up with them eventually, and let them see your strengths and weaknesses in person. I can make myself out to be without weakness online to someone if I wanted to, and like Byaina said, romance the girl rather quickly.

"We are all writers, showing to people what we want them to see of us." A close friend of mine told me that once, and I see how that is true constantly. It is a he[br][/br]ll of a lot harder to hide your true self in rw than in vr.

So that is why I believe you gotta meet up before you can truly say "I love you" (as ********* type of love) with all of the connotations that lies within the phrase. Everything else is just...distant, even unreal...

Since I'm at work, I haven't fully read all the replies. So I'll just reply to the OP's question. What cause people to have such strong feelings? Ha I'll attempt to answer this question.....

In the real world, we are attracted to other people in various ways. We might be attracted someone based on their appearance. A person's charming personality might attract us. Wealth can attract people too. There's countless reasons in the real world that causes us to gravitate towards a particular person.

In a game such as FFXI or even the internet, I assume attraction is primarily based on personality? Barring swapping pics over the internet or what not, interactions in this virtual world are primarily based on text/communication.

In the real world, you'll be surprised of how many relationships are not based on communication. In the real world, two people can get along without necessarily saying much. Some relationships in real life are solely revolved around sex or material goods. In the real world, there are things you can do that does not involve expressing yourself with words. For example, movies are popular when it comes to dating. Ha I doubt you express yourself much while watching a movie with your partner.

In the virtual world, interaction is just based on "talking" Since I'm at work, I haven't fully read all the replies. So I'll just reply to the OP's question. What cause people to have such strong feelings? Ha I'll attempt to answer this question.....

In the real world, we are attracted to other people in various ways. We might be attracted someone based on their appearance. A person's charming personality might attract us. Wealth can attract people too. There are countless reasons in the real world that causes us to gravitate towards a particular person.

In a game such as FFXI or even the internet, I assume attraction is primarily based on personality? Barring swapping pics over the internet or what not, interactions in this virtual world are primarily based on text/communication.

In the real world, you'll be surprised of how many relationships are not based on communication. In the real world, two people can get along without necessarily saying much. Some relationships in real life are solely revolved around sex or material goods. In the real world, there are things you can do that do not involve expressing yourself with words. For example, movies are popular when it comes to dating. Ha I doubt you express yourself much while watching a movie with your partner.

In the virtual world, interaction is just based on "talking" (text). So in a sense, when people develop strong bonds it is not based on physical appearance or any other random perk.... it is based solely on personality and verbal expression.

In my opinion, our personality is what defines us. Ok so Tiger Woods is defined by his golfing skills in the eyes of the public.... Donald Trump for his wealth.... Tyra Banks for her looks. But in the eyes of family and friends, Tiger Woods or any other person are known through their personality. Looks change.... we grow old over time. Wealth can change over time. For the most part, our personality is pretty constant. Sure some may act differently in the virtual world than in real life but for the most part I would think their personality core remains the same.

So I guess in a sense, when you “like” someone in game…. You are liking them based on who they are.

I think there are many reasons why someone would develop strong feelings in a game. As mentioned before, it could be loneliness in real life. Another reason could be anonymity. For some, it’s easier and more comfortable to talk people in game than in real life for some due to anonymity reasons. Another reason could be companionship in the game. In the real world, it’s nice coming home at the end of day knowing there is someone there for you. Same thing in the game I guess. When you log in, it’s always nice to know there is someone to talk to or share in game experiences with.

Eh, it’s complicated issue I guess. I don’t know for me… I just keep it simple… log in, hack a few mobs with my sword and then logout haha.

Ok, we hear this talk about knowing someone in the physical form, being with them and doings things and all that. But, here's my thought:

People love and have a relationship with the Divine, and yet, they never know the Divine physically, ever meet it, et al.

Those are just some of my thoughts about all this.

I agree, in part, with most of what you said. I dated my wife off and on since the 8th grade (real dating didn't start until later of course). We lived together for four years in college and recently celebrated our seventh wedding anniversary. Talk about being sure you want to marry somebody.

The point is that I don't think that we are necessarily talking about going from chat room to chapel. I agree that you should try not to make sound judgments about people that you meet online, but I do see the potential to get to know somebody enough to make the informed decision that you may want to realize a relationship with them. At that point, it may become rational to meet that person and attempt to get to know them better and begin to spend time with or even date that person.

I used to be a counterstrike fanatic (I'm sure you're shocked). I played for almost two years with the same guys and girls. There used to be lan parties in TN and many would attend. When I found out that one of them was going to be in my area, we would meet up and go out to eat and such. Now, being married and of the heterosexual persuasion, I never tried to become intimate with these guys, but I didn't have reservations about meeting them in person. I was able to use my own judgment to make these decisions, and there were some of them that I would not have met up with. Similarly, there are people that I work with everyday, in person, that fit into both of these categories. It had little to do with the fact that I only knew them from work, or from the internet. It was based on my experiences with them and my gut feeling that they were not crazy folks, but regular guys like you and me. I don't think I would feel right to call someone friend and not give them that benefit of doubt.

I should qualify my statements by saying that I'm a guy and capable of taking care of myself, so those types of decisions are a bit easier for me to make. I can see that these scenarios may be much more difficult and precarious for a female. That is not meant to be sexest, but it does seem that women are more often the victims in these situations. That being said, everybody should proceed with caution, but I don't personally feel that people should allow fear to consume them to the point of never taking any action. That might land you in a house living with sixteen cats and an imaginary friend named Stephan.

edit: this was in response to wintaru's post. i r too stewpid to use the reply function.

Edited, Thu Feb 3 16:53:15 2005 by Idwa

You cant bang your in-game wife. Nuff said. ^^

Point taken Idwa and the above is freaking funny :)