A FFXI story (sorta) that I wrote...read, if you dont mind^^Follow

Okay, I was in a writing mood and I was bored...so I wrote this during my political science class.

This story is dedicated to Stephanie. If you ever read this story...you will know why.

DISCLAIMER: I don’t own anything related to Final Fantasy, and unless Squarenix goes on the stock ticker in Japan, I probably never will.

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“A game’s fatal kiss”

XI.

She had recently started to see that number everywhere she went. First it was as she started to cross the train tracks in her little blue sports car and she happened to look at the railroad X-ing sign, and then it stretched into her seeing it every time she wrote her sweet love letters to her boyfriend, or saw the X pop up between the goal posts every Sunday when her sweet elvaan was playing football.

The world seemed okay for her, and one night after she made love to her sweet boyfriend, in such a way that their passion could be felt to Sky and the heavens, she sat up and started to get dressed quickly.

Her beloved asked her “Why are you getting dressed my Goddess?”

She looked at him and smiled with a quick reply “I got to go water my plant sweetheart, I’ll see you soon.”

He sat up and smiled at her, darting his face around her’s looking for a quick goodbye kiss.

She waved goodbye to him with a quick flick of her wrist, and hurried down the stairs out of his dorm. She rushed across the campus to her dorm, beneath the Twinkle Tree, feeling the wet grass rush against her feet while she scurried along.

She got to her mog house, and tried to enter the door combination so she could get in the building and into her room. She punched 11111111111 over and over again, trying the door each time, but still could not get in.

Behind the door, she could hear the instruments that play in the Grand Duchy faintly, and that drove her to try harder to get in.

1111111111.

She casted her lot, and lost.

11111111111111.

She still could not get in.

The door was sealed shut.

She slumped down in front of it, and started to /cry.

Overhead, the weather started to go from windy to lightning.

-fin

***

What do you all think of it? Please be honest.

I guess I shouldn't have locked her out....

I agree, I found myself a little bit confused too. I like your style of writing though so good job! And keep up the good work, I would love to read some more of your work.

DISCLAIMER: The following is in no way intended to be a bash or a put-down of any kind. It is just my honest opinion based on the numerous fanfics and papers I have edited over the course of years.

What you wrote, to me, seems like disjointed thoughts strung together with an attempt to bridge the gap.

I understand what you're trying to get at. The idea that FFXI can hook a person so, that he or she will begin to see it in their real life world.

Or perhaps it's just a healthy blend of real life with a dose of FFXI added into it.

However, it's too broken, in my opinion. Your title indicated to me that you were trying to show how the game can affect us in our own realities. The first paragraph also led me to believe that. However, we move from seeing the characters XI everywhere to... making passionate love? That's a rather large leap.

And it goes on from there. The XI reference is subtlely masked, granted, because she rushed out of the bedroom to check her plants, and when she got there, her entrance code didn't work, etc... Perhaps she forgot her Key Item: Swipe Card at her boyfriends, and now that adamant ore she was trying to grow will be pebbles instead.

You have a very solid idea, the basis that FFXI can heavily impact a person's real life. However, it's very confusing the way you try to get that idea across.

Anyway, that's my take on it. I'd like to read more, so please, post what ya got. ^^

--Arondight, Bismarck

Nights, as always, your writing makes me smile. So far, I've loved everything you've written, so keep up the good work!!!