Friar Bijou wrote:
Ku, are you a house husband?
If so, generate all your energy to the kids.
I feel I gave pretty good as a dad (but, in retrospect, no) , but if you are the *not* bread-winner, do every educational social, artsy thing you can for the kids.
Sexual love isn't everything, man: I'm 15 years from any physical intimate contact and I'm still here.
The difference between us is you did
have it though. --at some point at least. It is not just sexual love I need, either.
The happiest I have ever been was during the 1.5 years I spent with Red just over Skype. There was no physical contact and I did my best to keep things as non-sexual as possible. I imagine if I had a daughter, it would be a lot like that, maybe. Maybe then I could do as you are saying. Edit: Although, Red hated when I talked about science, or what she otherwise referred to has "hippy shi
I do have kids of my own, though. --a five year old son. The idea of doing anything educational or artsy with him is not possible... yet. He just doesn't have the kind of attention span for anything like that yet. He is extremely bright, though, and unlike his father, he is very socially inclined and outgoing. I think when he gets a bit older though I will be able to bond with him. For now it's really a lot like having a puppy. He just wants to run around and get into things, and every 5 minutes or so he feels the need to find every other member of the household and announce a random science fact he learned watching Youtube or the Octonauts. "DADDY! GOOD NEWS! MITOCHONDRIA IS THE POWERHOUSE OF THE CELL!". He does not have to spend his early years watching his father beat his mother within an inch of her life every other day like I did. He will not have to go without food like I did growing up, and gets all the toys and games he can possibly want for. He'll be starting school soon, and I already know he'll have a good life and make tons of friends.
I also have a stepdaughter, who recently turned 12. I have known her since she was 5. I don't really have any kind of relationship with her. The older she gets, the more distant she becomes. She has both her parents active in her life, and I'm really little more than a room mate to her. She isn't particularly close with her parents, either. She would rather spend all day talking to strangers on the internet, and even "dated" my friend Red for a few months. We have a lot of common interests-- things like Vocaloids and internet culture/memes, anime-- things neither of her parents understand or care for at all. Her parents are only about 5 years older than me, yet they seem to come from an entirely different world. We were a lot closer when we had Red as a mutual friend, but these days I'm just the guy who occasionally brings her food and drives her to and from her dad's house. I try to get her to open up and talk sometimes, but she is very private about everything, and will usually flat out ignore me, or respond with grunting noises or short one word responses. "She's a teenager" my wife says. "That's what they do."
I have discussed the possibility of having more kids with my wife. She toys with the idea whenever a close friend or relative of hers has a new baby, but ultimately it has been decided that it's not going to happen. She is too focused on her career and the idea of being pregnant and on her feet all day working at a hospital is not appealing to her-- that and we kind of need to have sex to make another baby happen, and we simply don't anymore. I would like to have a daughter of my own, and I want my son to have a brother. But that will never happen. She works all night, and comes home and sleeps all day, and I rarely even see her. When I do, she is always ill in some way-- usually nausea, and does not want to talk to me.
I want to think there is something I can do about all this. Surely it is my own fault somehow. There is just some obvious answer here that I'm missing. I have talked to both my stepdaughter and my wife about how I have been feeling, and how I feel unwanted. They both have answered with "I don't know what to tell you." They are from the same mold. Edited, Mar 8th 2017 9:58am by Kuwoobie Edited, Mar 8th 2017 10:00am by Kuwoobie Edited, Mar 8th 2017 10:02am by Kuwoobie Edited, Mar 8th 2017 9:37pm by Kuwoobie Edited, Mar 8th 2017 9:38pm by Kuwoobie