But (s)he lives over a mile away? No worries, just get your hands on a Canon 1200mm f 5.6.
You can recognize faces over a mile away and this thing is a better compensation for your small member than a hummer (and more expensive as well).
Also useful for shooting rocket launches, North Korean rocket launches if you have to, wildlife photography for those too lazy to actually go on a safari and taking pictures of the pope while he's taking a bath.