... when they die?
I don't have a ton of experience with death; none of my close relatives and friends are dead. However, two people I knew in person have died.
1. A friend-of-a-friend in college suddenly died in a car accident in our junior year. I had known him about half a year and we didn't get along all that well. We never fought, but I'm always cracking really corny jokes and puns, and while most people laugh or groan good-naturedly, he would say things like "Why do you make jokes like that? No one thinks you're funny." So, eh, not my favorite person. When he died it was incredibly sad, especially since he was the best friend of a good friend of mine. But I felt sad for her more than anything; and while she would wax on about how amazing he was (and I agree he had some good points), I could never quite figure out why she was ignoring his faults: he was condescending, antagonistic, and borderline stalking her (she thought of him as her best friend; he thought of her as "my girlfriend... once she realizes it"). I remember the good times we had together, but I never forget the bad times... but most of my friends seem to.
2. A kid who graduated the same year I did from my high school; we had a few classes together. He just died last week; suddenly and unexpectedly, though I'm not sure from what. His sister and I were closer; we went to the same Youth Group, were in the school musicals together, and had a lot of the same friends. Her announcement of his death was touching and sweet; she called him the best brother in the world. But we were close enough that I know this kid was borderline psychotic at home; he physically assaulted their mother several times and threatened his siblings with violence constantly. Now, granted, this was in like 2004; after high school he went into the marines and was honorably discharged last year. Maybe he changed since then. But is it weird of me to think "How did an abusive menace to your family become the 'best brother ever'?" I mean, I didn't expect her to say "Good riddance," but her heartache felt genuine.
I can understand somewhat sugar-coating a life once it's snuffed out, but am I alone in thinking it's better to remember the good along with the bad instead of putting people up on a pedestal? I dunno, I feel like a jerk, but I also feel like lying about how "good" a person was just because they died early is... dishonest? Insincere? I dunno, wrong somehow.
Edited, Sep 30th 2011 6:15pm by LockeColeMA