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Yeah, work on getting rid of that. It's a really simple way for her to control you and it's not exactly making your relationship any better.
Kalivha wrote:
The thing is, she has my money. Loads of it. She's actually "saving up" the money I get paid now rather than giving it to me. Because of this I cannot go to Pakistan. Grrr.
Are you 4? WHY on earth is she getting your money? Even when I was in highschool my mother didn't see a dime of what I made.
Uh, why not get a separate bank account/financial person?
Just as Planned.
I can't open a bank account in Germany without going there, as far as I'm aware. Neither of the bursaries I get can be sent to UK bank accounts. And I don't really have time to go to Germany before the summer at the earliest.
I'm really unhappy with this situation, but if an extra €800 went on someone else's bank account randomly, it could cause them issues (explaining that, for example). With my dad, it'd cause him to lose everything he is paid because he isn't allowed any positive activity on his bank account at all.
One of the bursaries I get is going to my mother to "feed me" (hah!) anyway, but even the other one is dependent on her goodwill. Basically until I'm 30, the German government sees me as a child.
I'm really unhappy with this situation, but if an extra €800 went on someone else's bank account randomly, it could cause them issues (explaining that, for example). With my dad, it'd cause him to lose everything he is paid because he isn't allowed any positive activity on his bank account at all.
One of the bursaries I get is going to my mother to "feed me" (hah!) anyway, but even the other one is dependent on her goodwill. Basically until I'm 30, the German government sees me as a child.
You can open an account remotely, just get a copy of your papers notarized.
Just as Planned.
When all is said and done, money is the most important thing.
Also, don't let someone else control your money if they are going to withhold it from you conditionally.
Also, don't let someone else control your money if they are going to withhold it from you conditionally.
I made a retarded quote reference and have deleted the content of this post, move along.
Edited, Oct 18th 2011 10:43am by Lubriderm
Edited, Oct 18th 2011 10:43am by Lubriderm
Kalivha wrote:
I can't open a bank account in Germany without going there, as far as I'm aware. Neither of the bursaries I get can be sent to UK bank accounts. And I don't really have time to go to Germany before the summer at the earliest.
I'm really unhappy with this situation, but if an extra €800 went on someone else's bank account randomly, it could cause them issues (explaining that, for example). With my dad, it'd cause him to lose everything he is paid because he isn't allowed any positive activity on his bank account at all.
One of the bursaries I get is going to my mother to "feed me" (hah!) anyway, but even the other one is dependent on her goodwill. Basically until I'm 30, the German government sees me as a child.
I'm really unhappy with this situation, but if an extra €800 went on someone else's bank account randomly, it could cause them issues (explaining that, for example). With my dad, it'd cause him to lose everything he is paid because he isn't allowed any positive activity on his bank account at all.
One of the bursaries I get is going to my mother to "feed me" (hah!) anyway, but even the other one is dependent on her goodwill. Basically until I'm 30, the German government sees me as a child.
Your fiancee is in for quite an adventure, it sounds like.
Funny thing, another Filipino family story:
Most Filipino families follow the tradition that the kids don't really get their own place until they get married or have a career where they can fully support themselves. And even then, most kids that do move out are still at their parents' place more than their own. I live less than 2 miles away from my parents (and about 60 other relatives). And I'm at my parents' house constantly or they are at mine. It's rare to go for more than 48 hours without checking in with one another.
And after I graduated from college and started my career but before I got married, I gave my parents more than half of my salary. They socked it away for me in savings. And when I got married, I pretty much kissed that money goodbye in my mind. I knew my parents weren't happy with me getting married "so young." And I know that they were terrified that Ray was going to use me, abuse me, throw me away. So they wanted to keep that money as my "getaway money" in case I needed to flee. It worked out in that my parents gave Ray and me lots of gifts throughout the last 14 years. Gifts that came pretty much from the money they saved for me. But I have no cause for complaints. I'm one of the very lucky ones where things worked out in the long run. But then again, my parents actions also gave Ray and me added incentive to make things work out because he didn't want to be "the white guy that your parents warned you about" and I didn't want to hear "I told you so!"
Most Filipino families follow the tradition that the kids don't really get their own place until they get married or have a career where they can fully support themselves. And even then, most kids that do move out are still at their parents' place more than their own. I live less than 2 miles away from my parents (and about 60 other relatives). And I'm at my parents' house constantly or they are at mine. It's rare to go for more than 48 hours without checking in with one another.
And after I graduated from college and started my career but before I got married, I gave my parents more than half of my salary. They socked it away for me in savings. And when I got married, I pretty much kissed that money goodbye in my mind. I knew my parents weren't happy with me getting married "so young." And I know that they were terrified that Ray was going to use me, abuse me, throw me away. So they wanted to keep that money as my "getaway money" in case I needed to flee. It worked out in that my parents gave Ray and me lots of gifts throughout the last 14 years. Gifts that came pretty much from the money they saved for me. But I have no cause for complaints. I'm one of the very lucky ones where things worked out in the long run. But then again, my parents actions also gave Ray and me added incentive to make things work out because he didn't want to be "the white guy that your parents warned you about" and I didn't want to hear "I told you so!"
LockeColeMA wrote:
His Excellency Aethien wrote:
Filipino families sound like my worst nightmare.
Best. Food. Ever. And the best family parties I've ever been to. For News Years last year they had a role of tickets and handed one out to every person who came in. Every 5 minutes a ticket was pulled; if it was yours, you had to either take a shot or sing a song on the karaoke machine. Even her 80+ year-old grandmother was called on to do it; they only forced the underage kids to sing.
But as said, craziness too. At one point her cousin was hit in the head with a frozen chicken. Good times, man, good times.
Karaoke, frozen chicken and cameras. Required items for a Filipino family party.
Kalivha wrote:
I can't open a bank account in Germany without going there, as far as I'm aware. Neither of the bursaries I get can be sent to UK bank accounts. And I don't really have time to go to Germany before the summer at the earliest.
I'm really unhappy with this situation, but if an extra €800 went on someone else's bank account randomly, it could cause them issues (explaining that, for example). With my dad, it'd cause him to lose everything he is paid because he isn't allowed any positive activity on his bank account at all.
One of the bursaries I get is going to my mother to "feed me" (hah!) anyway, but even the other one is dependent on her goodwill. Basically until I'm 30, the German government sees me as a child.
I'm really unhappy with this situation, but if an extra €800 went on someone else's bank account randomly, it could cause them issues (explaining that, for example). With my dad, it'd cause him to lose everything he is paid because he isn't allowed any positive activity on his bank account at all.
One of the bursaries I get is going to my mother to "feed me" (hah!) anyway, but even the other one is dependent on her goodwill. Basically until I'm 30, the German government sees me as a child.
Edited, Oct 18th 2011 12:51pm by Spoonless
She was doing it a lot more when I was younger; I basically "gave" her a few grand in the 5½ months I lived in the US because then I was underage and thus didn't have an internationally working bank account yet.
I had a bank account back home for a while. At one point, I had three bank accounts and two credit cards. I also got all my money to my bank account, but when I moved abroad again, it was easier to get my money that I received for the duration of college onto her bank account because that was the default and because she was actually in the country to send it to me. I eventually gave up all my bank accounts there because I didn't really use them and didn't want to pay charges for them a year or two down the line.
I'm 23 now. I haven't been in Germany for more than 2 months at a time since July 8, 2009.
What I didn't think would happen is that my mother would withhold the money now. My main bursary has not gone through yet, so she's rationing my savings for now. I just really hope she won't do the same once that problem is gone. I think part of it is that she wants to keep me out of Pakistan. If this is still an issue by next summer and I get a job there, I'll be honest about it to her and tell her I need money to fly over. I am planning to have a backup plan in Western Europe in case that happens.
I guess I'm going to look at getting a bank account remotely, but that still leaves the issue that I'm not fully adult by my country's laws until I'm 30 so if I displease her she can sabotage any scholarships/loans etc. I get and keep me from finishing my degree for another 7 years. She's severely limited my choice of universities through this already, but I think ultimately she won't go through with it because she likes bragging about her children's careers too much.
I had a bank account back home for a while. At one point, I had three bank accounts and two credit cards. I also got all my money to my bank account, but when I moved abroad again, it was easier to get my money that I received for the duration of college onto her bank account because that was the default and because she was actually in the country to send it to me. I eventually gave up all my bank accounts there because I didn't really use them and didn't want to pay charges for them a year or two down the line.
I'm 23 now. I haven't been in Germany for more than 2 months at a time since July 8, 2009.
What I didn't think would happen is that my mother would withhold the money now. My main bursary has not gone through yet, so she's rationing my savings for now. I just really hope she won't do the same once that problem is gone. I think part of it is that she wants to keep me out of Pakistan. If this is still an issue by next summer and I get a job there, I'll be honest about it to her and tell her I need money to fly over. I am planning to have a backup plan in Western Europe in case that happens.
I guess I'm going to look at getting a bank account remotely, but that still leaves the issue that I'm not fully adult by my country's laws until I'm 30 so if I displease her she can sabotage any scholarships/loans etc. I get and keep me from finishing my degree for another 7 years. She's severely limited my choice of universities through this already, but I think ultimately she won't go through with it because she likes bragging about her children's careers too much.
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