Married folks: how did you know when it was right?Follow

I've known my wife since high school. We'd dated on again and off again for years, and we figured no one knew the two of us better than each other and went from there. So far it's been a great three years. So two through five. Forever is too long to worry about.

I'd just add, for a successful relationship, you have to keep communicating with each other regularly. People change over time, and if you are talking with one another, it lets you know how the other person is developing, growing, changing personal interests. It allows to admire them for new things, or the opportunity to try new things with them, or to follow their development, or to mature together, or to know when you are growing apart.

Shouldn't that apply to any long-term relationship, anyway?



Cracked's criteria sound pretty applicable, as far as I can tell. #'s 3, 4, & 5 are all big factors in my relationship. My fiance is in a bit of debt to me, but meh. #1 seems to be more of a maturity thing...I think it'd only be an issue with people who are looking to marry real young, or early into a relationship.

Parallel goals...I dunno. Things can be bridged if people are comfortable with compromising on issues, too. Obviously, you can't have diametrically opposed goals. We just try to find ways to make our goals work together, and support each other.

I'd say that shared morals/values are more important, as well as effective communication and a willingness to consider each other's views.

Sounds like the right way to do it.

Ray and I met in September/October '96, had our first date that November, got engaged that December, eloped February '97 and had our wedding April '97.

It was comet fast when we got together. Ray has always said the moment he saw me, he knew he was going to marry me. I knew after our first date. But for the criteria:

#5. You Don't Have to Impress Each Other -- It wasn't so much as impressing each other, but we want to be the best person for each other. I want Ray to be proud of me when we go out together and vice versa.

#4. You Have Learned How to Trust -- That's a cornerstone in any lasting relationship.

#3. You Become Friends (at Some Point) -- I tell Ray that not only do I love him but I also like him.

#2. Neither of You is in Debt to the Other -- That's one of our hard and fast rules. We try not to score in our relationship for anything. Because keeping score leads to playing games leads to serious fights.

#1. You Are Truly Grasping What "Forever" Means -- This one was very easy for me because of my Filpino Catholic background. When Ray met my family and realized that my parents, my grandparents and almost every single of my aunts and uncles are still married, he realized that for me marriage is forever.

I see it this way: When you meet someone that you know is the one, it's because that person complements and matches you on 5 levels: Physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually and sexually. And it depends on the 2 of you to navigate those 5 levels throughout the relationship. And the levels change on what seems to be a daily basis.

Have we had our ups and downs? Hell yeah. Has the D word ever been tossed around during our fights? You betcha (Palin wink). But it's a matter of powering through the fights and clearing the air. Ray does things that will always irritate me and I do things that will always **** Ray off. But we've learned that those things are still things we do cherish about one another.

Getting married is @#%^ing easy. Staying married is the challenge.

Edited, Sep 22nd 2011 8:41am by Thumbelyna

You know it is the right time when she says "honey? I am pregnant".

I'm really not a people person. I find all the silliness involved in social interaction to be more than a little tedious. It's made finding a mate more than a little difficult. Luckily, I actually enjoy being left the hell alone. I'm not quite a hermit, but I can see the appeal of such a lifestyle choice. All of this makes me somewhat unqualified to comment on the discussion at hand, so you can probably just go ahead and consider this a plus one.

Thinking of the person I might want to marry, everything but #1 is pretty clear so far.

Location compatibility is an issue right now, but hopefully won't be if we marry, and is better than with most people I've been with. Actually, I don't think I'll ever meet anyone who'll be able to be in the same country as me every semester without some sort of compromise on both ends and I'm pretty much okay with having a place together anywhere now if it's not Saudi Arabia or something.

All that being said, I don't think we're ready to marry yet because there is a lot missing when it comes to seeing how well we do together in the long(er) term, more on his end than mine (because I can deal with almost anything, but feel like I might be hard to deal with).

So yeah, no idea at this point. I'll get back to you when I am married...?

Let's go Team Dying Alone!

I hope all the people here with pony avatars are going with you.

For me, it wasn't a matter of one day just knowing. We've been together so long at this point (5 years prior to engagement) that it was a foregone conclusion that it would happen.

If she doesn't laugh at the size of my *****?