Ooh boy. Follow

Do what you can for the guy, even if it seems futile. Do anything to prevent letting someone use the custody of the children as a weapon.

Edited, Jul 18th 2011 11:45am by Lubriderm

As an outsider, I'm forced to ask: what is wrong with her getting custody? The gay factor aside, he was cheating on his wife, after being together since they themselves were children. What's her side of the story? Just because you like him is no reason to immediately jump to his defense.

I dunno... part of me says to help him out but:
(A) As you said, what's four days out of 730 really say? And can you honestly trust yourself to make that assessment during a four day period designed to showcase what a great dad he is?
-and-
(B) He has no one else who can/will testify for him besides a guy he hasn't seen in the last two years?

I feel for him as a guy who (from your OP) isn't beating his kids or molesting people or anything besides having extra-marital affairs which, sh*tty as that may be, doesn't make him a bad father. Of course, I've no reason to believe she's a bad mother either and she has a legitimate complaint that he's been cheating on her (details notwithstanding). I really don't see what you're going to do but, if you feel cornered or obligated, I guess you won't hurt anything either. Witnesses really aren't the biggest part of a custody hearing anyway.

Edited, Jul 18th 2011 11:25am by Jophiel

Exactly. That's what I meant by making him look worse. His other witness would be my dad, but he's in the same boat really.


They're both exceptional parents. They just now have problems with each other and it's overlapping onto the kids as it so often does in a divorce/custody deal. Neither one of them has a legitimate claim really as to why the other one is an unworthy parent. They're just being spiteful.


Agreed, but with the amount of mud slinging going on I would be voluntarily pitting myself against other family members. I'm betting on my testimony putting me in a bad spot and not helping him at all.

I guess I have my answer. I wanted to hear someone else say the same. Thanks.

At least he's not facing bankruptcy and planning an incredibly transparent fraud to attempt to profit from it.

I think it's a 50/50 sort of deal at the moment with the oldest two, but she keeps the youngest a good bit more. He's saying that he tells the kids they can see their mother whenever they want and that she is going 100% by the paperwork and won't allow them to see him when they are in her custody. He's not allowed to get out of his car at her home. He says the boys all want to live with him and are vocal about it, but I feel like there's at least a little manipulation going on there. My dad tried it with me and my uncle and he are very similar.

He's at every event the kids attend that he is legally allowed to. He always has though. He's the tee-ball coach type. They went to a counselor and he started going on about how my aunt lied and even got the counselor to side with her. He's not giving up the victim role here no matter what. Would personal counseling help his case?

If the kids are that old then, really, they should be able to decide who they want to live with, shouldn't they?

I know I'm sort of biased, but it would be sort of nice to have had my parents fighting over who I would live with when they got divorced. Instead, my dad just said, ********** it, I don't want to see them anyway."

They're taking her side because my uncle is the youngest and has always been kind of a whiner. He's always gotten his way and now that he's ****** up he's trying to turn everything around as it's his nature. It pissed everyone off and things just started escalating from there. Lots of things were said out of anger and now there's no going back as sides have been taken.

She was looking for a reason to get a divorce. They have both said things had been declining for a long time.

He says that the only information relevant in the hearing is about things that happened after the divorce a few months ago which I think is BS.


It varies from state to state how old the kid has to be if at all, but their wishes are only taken into consideration and not the deciding factor as parents can easily manipulate kids.

You said in the OP that you only have half the story. At the very least hear out both sides before deciding.

It's an myth that children are allowed to "choose" who they want to live with. The Court makes the decision, based upon the evidence before it. The children's wishes are taken into consideration, but does not have to be the main factor.

General factors the Court takes into consideration for custody and visitation:

What was the parent-child relationship before separation
What is the parent-child relationship after separation
What has the parent done to address the child's feelings of the divorce
Parenting styles of each parent
Income of each parent
Parent's daily schedule (work)

It's always a crap shoot on how a Court is going to rule but the Courts tend to enforce whatever arrangement the parents have already followed, as long as the children are not being hurt by it. So if your uncle is already in a 50/50 arrangement, chances are the Court is going to follow that but put in clearer boundaries (when and where the exchange takes place, what kind of contact kids have with other parent when they're not with them, etc.).

Best suggestion for your uncle is for him to keep a daily calendar (One of the larger bound day-to-day calendars works best) and jot down anything and everything that has to do with his kids. If one of them called just to say hi, jot it down with the gist of the conversation. If he and his wife got into a fight about the kids, jot it down with notes on what was said between them. If he tried to text/call the kids and they're avoiding him or he thinks his wife is blocking them from talking to him, jot it down. This way he can show if there is a pattern of behavior that is taking away from his parental rights. And it can also show him where he can step up and realize if he's doing something that's not helping his kids.

I thought you had a choice when you turned 13 or 14. I was allowed to choose at 13 who I wanted to live with. May have been a decision my parents came up with, though my Dad said legally I could choose.

Probably what happened is that your parents talked it through and let you "make" the decision and they presented it to the judge that your wishes were their wishes. Legally, a Court will never allow a minor to choose where they want to live. A minor is generally not allowed to give consent to anything so it's against public policy to allow a minor to make such a major decision on their own.

Well, what I take into consideration is the fact that HE was the one who made the ****** up choices that ruined his marriage. If his kids really came first to him, he would have avoided anything that would have brought about a divorce, which is beyond traumatizing no matter what the custody outcome. I know people can't always stay together forever, but if you actively make choices that destroy your family, I don't think you have much of a right to be supported by ANYONE. Honestly, my mother cheated on my dad for years, and when he was given custody of us I rejoiced. And my mom was pretty ****** up beyond just the infidelity.

It takes a hell of a lot for a judge to give custody to a father over a mother, and one that is a proven liar and self-pleasing hypocrite probably doesn't have much of a case. Feel free to throw in your hat if you really want to be part of the charade, but if you prefer to do something more subtle, you can always write a letter to the court with your feelings. Just keep in mind that it will be a tiny drop in an empty bucket.