Solution: Start over. Completely.
I think your issues could mostly be worked out, but it doesn't sound like your husband is likely to be very cooperative, and relationships without at least as much communication as necessary don't miraculously get better. If you've tried to work on the issues for years and hit a brick wall, it doesn't matter if you love him or if you're dependent on him, stuff like that can drive you mental. I know.
I think you should move to that part of Norway where you don't need a visa, for starters.