Delva wrote:
Big improvement! We sat down and I asked him what about my demeanor, tone, or language sets him off. He said when I get upset, I tend to shut down and become apathetic. That makes him angry. I asked him if it would be easier talking about this through text of some sort. He said it might be and I asked him if he would be willing to try talking on messenger again. He said we could give it another go. I told him that when he calls the things I am upset about stupid or silly, it makes me angry and it makes it harder for me to be reasonable. I told him that in order for me to keep talking to him about these things, something has to change otherwise I will shut him out completely. He doesn't want that to happen so we both agreed to try and limit the things we do during our conversations that **** the other one off. We sat down and I read all the suggestions everyone had to see which ones he would be willing to try.
I do get more from being with him than without him. I enjoy a thousand different things that we do together throughout our day, be it big or small. He makes me strive to be a better person just being with him. I know he loves me, he is just kinda clueless about women and emotions in general.
Thanks guys. Each and every one of you. I'm sorry if I didn't seem to support your suggestions, but we agreed to try all of them, the last being counseling if all else fails. Y'all are the greatest!
Just read through the thread. Good to hear that things are going better.
Just one small caveat that I'd like to add:
In my experience, these things will come up again, in spite of any conversation or effort that you put into getting past them. Nothing wrong with that though; it's natural. I find that the kinds of personal foibles and flaws which produce relationship issues don't go away easy or quickly. They flare up again from time to time no matter what. You just have to go into things with the knowledge that they will, so that you have reasonable expectations of the relationship, and so that you're more level-headed when you take a step backwards.
In my relationship, I'm more patient, passive, and lazy, while my girlfriend is more organized yet susceptible to undue stress and anxiousness. Most of our fights run along that line somewhere (say, she might be mad at me for dragging my feet about getting something done on a deadline). We try to make them constructive fights when they happen, and to learn from them. But all the same, I can pretty much guarantee that we'll have another fight that stems from my laziness sometime later on down the line. Laziness isn't an easy problem to fix...it's really a deep seeded aspect of oneself. I just try to make baby steps and listen to her concerns about it. Same for her about her own issues.
As with most things, communication is key, I guess.
Edited, Apr 5th 2011 5:13pm by Eske 
