I have returned! The story i have to tell is one of heroic deeds! I made my to japan to study the language of the hell demon, japanese, and to train with an old kung-fu master who wore nothing but white, he did have a pizza stain on his robe but who would point out such a minuscule imperfection when compared to his legendary might! The months of hard training dragged on for what seemed like centuries. I was not prepared for the blood that would be spilled from my fingers as they wrote essay after essay in japanese. Learning to speak in the demon tongue proved even more of a up-hill battle than my daily routine of breaking all my bones before training kung-fu with master whiterobe.
Finally my day of graduation had come! I was prepared to read the ancient text of a japanese high school diploma with my now shapely body of massive pecs and not six but NINE abdominal muscles! So with a pat on the back from master whiterobe and the mystical staff of cardfinding, I set out on my journey to put an end to the whiney *** ghost of japan before they would wake up the horrific hell demon! I had also learned to important skill of picking up rice, grain by grain, with my bare buttocks!
The war against the sad and depressing ghost of japan was a battle barely won. After months of hunting down the welling and crying of many dead citizens, mistakenly catching a child who dropped his lollipop on occasion, i had finally found the final one. She laid still in a basket of unfinished laundry just staring as i approached her. I said "I've come to release you from this world, little one. Do not be affraid." She sat in silence. Soon though i would find myself confused and taken back by her maniacal laughter! Her eyes glowed and she belched fire and chanted in the ancient evil language of japanese. This is when i realized she was no ghost but the very hell demon i had been preparing to take down. I guess the evil goo trail leading up to her location should of been a dead giveaway but come on i was exhausted from all that rice training and not to mention i had to share a room with that creepy old master whiterobe! But this was no time to beat myself up for being a dumbass, i had to prepare for the final battle! A battle that would change the world as we know it...
I now have to go though for quarter beers night. Finish this tale for another day. :)