Yay for subconcious self-sabotage!Follow

So I know it's generally ill-advised to come to the OoT asking for advice, but I figured I'd give it a shot and see if anyone else has had a similar experience and could relate how they dealt with this problem.

As most of you know, I'm a 26 year old college student. My first year fresh out of high school was mostly a failure as my dad had passed away of a brain tumor two days after Christmas the previous year. I had a very difficult time concentrating on my school work because of the depression I was dealing with, not to mention I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life so I really had no direction either. The following year I made attempts at two different community colleges and still couldn't focus. Shortly after that, I finally went to a counselor, got on some anti depressants and eventually dealt with my father's death. I finally went back to school two years ago, and my first year back I did really well, improving my GPA from a 2.1 to a 2.64 over the course of the three terms. Second year back I screwed around a bit, but my GPA stayed about the same. This year I've really @#%^ed up. Part of it last term was due to getting a really bad case of the flu literally the first day of class and being out of commission for about a week and half, but most of it was me not focusing on my school work and getting distracted.

I've finally come to a realization as to why I'm having this issue. I'm scared sh*tless. My boyfriend got fired from his server job back in September (for not selling enough desserts at a Mexican restaurant, how stupid is that?) and has been on unemployment since then. While Oregon is not the worst off economically of the states, it's certainly not doing well. Last I checked we had about a 10 or 11% unemployment rate. I was supposed to graduate this spring, but because I screwed up fall term and didn't pass a class that is required for my major and only offered once a year, I have to put off graduation until fall term next year. Basically, I'm afraid of graduating because once I do, I'm going to have to go out and find a real job and support myself and my boyfriend until he finds a job that doesn't pay less than his unemployment benefits (or once they run out, any job he can find). I've never really had to support myself before, and that's what scares me, let alone having to work to support someone else as well. I've always had someone else to rely on, whether it be my parents or a significant other. Not to say that I haven't worked because I have. I've never had a wonderful job, but I've worked full time and done my part, I've just never been the sole or main breadwinner before. The whole "real job" thing would only be temporary, probably a year and half max, as I still need to get my teacher's certification before I can really go after my career goals.

So basically I'm wondering if anyone else has ever self sabotaged themselves because they were afraid of growing up? I feel ridiculous saying that since I'm 26 years old, but that's essentially how I feel. How did you deal with it, or how would you deal with it if you were in my situation? Figuring out the problem is the first step of course, but I'm not entirely sure what to do about it now, other than try my best to be aware of when I'm self sabotaging and to try and fight it as best I can.

Edited, Apr 23rd 2010 12:06am by PigtailsOfDoom

I moved out of the house in a small town in NH at 18, moved to Boston, & have supported myself ever since.

I'll tell you what worked for me; hotels. They're everywhere, you can do the job anywhere, & depending on the market tend to pay well with benefits. No, it probably isn't your major, but when you need to support yourself you gotta do what you gotta do.

Start looking now. That's the best idea. It'll be really tough without a degree yet, but your college should have a program for brushing up your resume, and if it's worth its salt there should be some program to meet with prospective employers. Hit up job fairs. Apply everywhere you can. Do everything you can NOW instead of when you graduate because by then it'll be really late and you'll be screwed.

When I graduated I hadn't had an internship and my degree (BS in Business Management) was worthless for a starting position... no one's going to hire a manager who has never actually managed something before. I looked for months before getting lucky and landing my current job. Not a great job, but I make enough to support myself, pay off my bills, and still stash away 10% of each pay check for retirement.

Yeah, best idea is to apply everywhere, make sure your resume is ready in advance, and network while you can still use your school's resources.

Also, do NOT go into a graduate program unless you know you can make money off of it. There's no telling if the economy will be significantly better in 1-2 years, and you'll saddle yourself with a ton more debt.

It is a little scary to have the burden of responsibility heaped onto your shoulders. But I can't tell you how good it will feel to find out that you can do it, and you don't need to depend on anyone.

I can't help much on the job front, as I've been at my job almost ten years now and haven't had to worry about the rising unemployment rates. But if I were you, I'd scan the want ads and look for secretarial (or "administrative assistant") jobs. Sure, they're boring, but they'll usually pay ok (I started at $20,000 a year, and that was ten years ago) and you might get some benefits from it.

If that and the hotel thing that someone else mentioned doesn't pan out, you might try checking your college's bulletin board for job postings. They might not be stellar, but at least you'll get a little income.

Good luck!

I am the last person on the planet that any of my friends thought would end up with a mortgage, wife and kids. If I can do it, anyone can.

Remember 1 thing: Unless your daddy owns the company, everyone starts out at the bottom.

Living in a sh;tty one bedroom apartment is good for you and you will look back on it with fond memories. Spend some time enjoying the scenery as you work your way up. The lessons you learn will be invaluable. I started out in business as a secretary. I am now in a position to impact the bottom line of a multi-billion dollar global corporation by 10-15% every year. I worked my way up from secretary to code monkey to architect to career change and beyond with no formal training of any kind. NEVER turn down an opportunity to learn something new.

You'll be fine. Don't freak out about the things you have no control over.

It does.

You'll be an amazing teacher, Pigtails.

He should be able to make that pan-handling in Oregon. It's a fertile market, apparently.

Oh bite me. I've had 9 hours of sleep in the last two days.

My boyfriend COULD make more than $200 as a server, he did when he still was one. The problem is, server jobs are really rare in our town right now. Most restaurants are laying people off, not hiring. He's got two years total experience, between two different restaurants, one a Mexican corporately owned place, the other was an independent Italian fine dining restaurant. He made much better tips at the Italian restaurant. The Mexican one seemed to attract a lot of stingy college students and more middle class types, where the Italian restaurant attracted a lot more older, upper class types who tipped quite well.

He also has a little bit of bartender experience, and he has his OLCC license (what you need to serve alcohol here). He's applied for a few bartender jobs, but he doesn't even get called in for interviews. He goes to the bars later on, and they've hired young, attractive women. I think I will encourage him to go back to school come next year though. Unfortunately, to get a good financial aid package you have to time things right. You need to file a FAFSA for the following school year by like February or March at the absolute latest. I suppose at this point he could fill it out now and see what he gets, but we would need him to get a full ride package like I have to be able to afford it.