AKAMA SERVER (poem)Follow

Locked for necropostage.

this is dedicated to the character shadowlurker level 60 hunter of the akama server

The Lurker
By: leetownage of akama


The shadowlurker there he lurkes.

Undead beast in the dearth.

Home, home the undercity where the sprigner dwells.

Lives among the beasts of the step.

His only friends the shadowfro and the beast of tuaren oppo.

But thy baba fell to the chieften

His mighty staff THY not strong enough to penetrate the enhanced skin +10^2.

The chieftains’ layer, thy hardened thick layer, will not go.

She roams, roams, roams

Roars.



Edited, Jan 4th 2007 7:22pm by Kaolian

it means limited supply i was just trying to rhyme funny right!

obvious misspellings: lurks, steppe, chieftan
unknown words: sprigner, shadowfro, oppo
words I think I know the meaning of but wish I didn't: leetownage


Actually, nothing rhymes, but that's OK as long as the poem scans properly. The problem is that it doesn't scan properly, or I can't seem to get the rythm right.

The line I have the most problem with is


THY="your", which doesn't quite match with "his". You might mean "you are", but that would mean that you want "Thou art", not "Thy". Perhaps it should be written "Thy mighty staff is not..." or even the more archaic "Thy mighty staff be not..."

Also, the "+10^2" is ambiguous. do you mean "plus ten squared", or "plus ten to the power of two", "plus one hundred", or something else (which may actually rhyme with something). Whatever it is, write it out instead of using number/symbol combinations.

Sorry to be such a critic, but I love poetry and this needs work. Please make it better.

Edited, Dec 20th 2006 7:05pm by ohmikeghod

or sarcasm...

thanks deadbro I will continue to write poetry in solitude on the topic i know best, my only true/first love. The World of Warcraft. People like you and the shadowlurker keep me going on a daily basis and your support means so much to me.

Thanks!!!

~leetownage of akama

As long as you call misspellings, meaningless words, no rythm, improper English, and ambiguity "brilliant work", I'll keep rating you down. I didn't rate down nooob, because I do think that the poem could be made to work. Praising him for bad poetry is worse than telling him that he could do better, because he won't ever improve.

edit: did you use "little talent" on purpose?

Edited, Dec 20th 2006 8:04pm by ohmikeghod

Please allow me to interject.

The irate pedantics herewith described,
Have tumultously disturbed my peace.
The harsh words of these viewers are clearly lies,
And their derogatory content must cease.

Can't we all just live in harmony?
Can there be no unconditional love?
Why dost this man's work be called phoney,
It is ripe with emotion or something thereof.

Poetry is an art that must be innate;
It is not for the mundane to surmise.
Perhaps leet's posting was guided by fate -
Or shunned by the champion of lies.

I hereby stand against such banal claims,
To support leet's rising into the hall of fame.

Edited, Dec 20th 2006 11:07pm by ArthurAdam

Edited, Dec 20th 2006 11:11pm by ArthurAdam

My apologies sir, but your sock puppet metaphor is strongly lacking. For a simple IP trace would reveal that the multiple posters, whom you have universally smelted into the metaphorical 'puppeteer' were actually entirely individual posters. However, I invite you to continue sharing your opinions with us. "While I may not agree with what you say, I shall defend to the death your right to say it."

This thread has inspired me, so I decided to write a peom about a character named DivineWind from Akama(really my wife Charolette), who broke my heart today. I was forced to stop her account.

Eulogy for DivineWind

Why have you, the beguiling mistress
Who took life from the Queen, the Harlot
From Greece, adorned the woman in scarlet,
Why have you, who made my heart a buttress
And lulled my soul into perfect calmness,
The greatest beauty of all, my Charlotte,
You had the promise of a grand starlet.
Why have you torn out my heart-vile temptress!

Still I have transgressed, mine more abhominal
Than yours, and you have known this, yet you know
No more. Your eyes cannot see these words, yet
you can have your lover in the inferno,
And you can keep my heart, my life is doleful,
Just do not lose it, for I will soon reclaim it!

This thread is creeping me out...

ArthurAdam


I wasn't aware that Allakhazam made the IP addresses of it's posters public knowledge. I really hope they don't...i have enough computer problems as it is and don't need hackers added to that list.

Edited, Dec 20th 2006 9:28pm by magicdragonmage

My apologies for the miscommunication, good sir, I was simply implying that should the administrators feel compelled to investigate the source of these posts, it would become evident that they were actually from individual sources. In this way, they might establish that our actions are in compliance with their ToS.

Edited, Dec 20th 2006 11:31pm by ArthurAdam

I must say that I found your poem quite inspiring.

That said, I greatly disliked much of it.
It is evident that your verb usage was very much conflicting with their preceding subjects. The actual syntax of the piece itself was highly convoluted, and as such was very difficult to scan accordingly.

I believe that if you were to continue working on your piece it would become a glorious work, much as the simple caterpiller erupts from its chitin prison to become one of the most remarkable creatures in our world!

Remain steadfast in your determination! You too shall be immortalized through your words!