"Up North there's a place for you
To start your still-life up again
We make our plans from spit and dust
The sound of never and the taste of love
They chased us through the Mission,
We were tromping through the woods
And the skirts of sweet Natoma
Scared us both pretty good
So here's to leaving it all behind:
Fathers, lovers and an ugly wage
We've always known what's best for us
The sound of never and the taste of love
I'll be lit up like the sunrise
And you'll be Russian Blue
Next storm that I see off the coast
Will bring me back to you'' - Richard Buckner
Two of Everything
A poor Korean farmer comes across a brass pot while digging in his small vegetable garden. The pot, the farmer and his wife discover, makes two of anything you put inside it. First they try odds and ends; then money. By accident, the farmer's wife falls into the pot�there are now two of her! An odd marriage. But accidents can happen again and the farmer leaps�or falls?�into the pot, which solves their problem.
Mr. Kim-Soon. The poor farmer.
Mrs. Kim-Soon. The poor farmer's wife.
Mr. and Mrs. Kim-Soon live in a tiny cottage on the side of a mountain. They have a small patch of land on which to grow food.
One day Mr. Kim-Soon unearthed a large brass pot, which was itself unusual because the farmer thought he knew every inch of that soil. Too big for a cooking pot, too small for a bath, Mrs. Kim-Soon decided.
Then she dropped a hairpin in the pot. When she reached inside to retrieve the pin, there were two identical pins. After checking to see that no hairpins were missing, Mr. and Mrs. Kim-Soon experimented by putting in a sack of lentils. Out came two sacks! Then they tried their purses; out came two purses.
Mr. and Mrs. Kim-Soon put in purse after purse until they decided just putting in money would be simpler.
That evening Mrs. Kim-Soon put in some rice and out came enough rice for an entire meal. She turned their one candle into twenty.
Mr. and Mrs. Kim-Soon would never be wanting again.
The next day Mrs. Kim-Soon was making more cabbage in the magic brass pot, when Mr. Kim-Soon walked in the door. She balanced the bundles of cabbage while running over to greet her husband, but lost her balance and fell into the pot. Mr. Kim-Soon pulled Mrs. Kim-Soon out by her legs, but out of the pot emerged two Mrs. Kim-Soons, exactly alike. Mrs. Kim-Soon exclaimed that she would not put up with another Mrs. Kim-Soon in the house.
Mrs. Kim-Soon said "Put her back in the pot," but Mr. Kim-Soon was quick to point out that that would only make more Mrs. Kim-Soons. Mr. Kim-Soon took a few steps backwards and fell was it an accident into the pot.
Mrs. Kim-Soon pulled him out. Then pulled out the other Mr. Kim-Soon.
But now there wasn't a problem of what to do with the extra Mrs. Kim-Soon.
The two new Mr. and Mrs. Kim-Soons set up house next door. Their neighbors though it was curious that Mr. and Mrs. Kim-Soon suddenly prospered, and that a couple who looked a lot like Mr. and Mrs. Kim-Soon had moved in next door. A close relation of Mr. and Mrs. Kim-Soon said that it was evident that Mr. and Mrs. Kim-Soon had become so rich that they decided to have two of everything, including themselves.
"Aww, shit...I just stuck my hand into a bag of rotisserie chicken thinking it was a bag of cornbread and now my hand is all greasy. What!? They're both in bags!!" - 2/14/08
"Oh my God, I'm so retarded...I just went to scratch my inner thigh through the fly of my pajama pants and now I can't get my hand out. Shut up, it's not funny, I'm really stuck. Oh whatever, no one reads your Smasharoo quotes of the day." - 2/16/08
"I'm so manly, I'm like a cock with a wig...and feet." - 2/17/08
"Your ass is like a box of chocolates!" - 4/7/08
"Yeah, I drive women crazy...and not just with my pulsating hips." - 4/7/08
A chat log (4/17/08)
First, on the phone: Smash: "Does the gmail chat thing work on linux?" Nexa: "I dunno" On gmail chat:
"You don't compile lists of things that I say that are clever." - 4/26/08
"Yes, yes, it's right here in my pocket. Don't worry, I would never ever lose your pony comb Hannah." - 12/20/08
Nexa is nearly 30, recently completed her Master's Degree, and is nearly always eating something.
Nexa has a child who is three going on thirteen.
Nexa has been dating Smasharoo for over two years.
Nexa loves music, writing, helping others, and cheese.
Only alcoholics drink burbon, but none of them like it, because it is gross.