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John Carter of MarsFollow

#1 Jul 12 2011 at 10:10 PM Rating: Excellent
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Well, I'm annoyed. This weekend, I went to the theater, and got handed a flyer to go see a preview showing for an Andrew Stanton Directed Pixar Movie based on the John Carter Edgar Rice Burroughs (guy who wrote tarzan) books. I happen to be one of the few people around here who have actually read those books, along with my dad, so we decided to go see the preview show.

So we get there tonight a little bit early, to a line of about 400 people... We get up near the front of the line finally, and get told, nope, go home, thats it, no more spots. They gave us a free movie voucher to see something else instead, usable only that day, but nothing looked interesting to us both, so we left.

Someone in the PR staff for booking that movie preview screwed up and overbooked by an order of magnitude. So I dind't get to see the movie.

Therefore, I guess I have to make up my own review for it.

Seeing as I am annoyed at it, I hereby declare John Carter of Mars to be the worst movie of all time, and should not be watched by anyone, ever. And it likely causes rabies.
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#2 Jul 12 2011 at 10:22 PM Rating: Excellent
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I will withhold my consumer dollar due to this atrocity.
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#3 Jul 12 2011 at 11:09 PM Rating: Good
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Screenshot

Ahh you John Kah-tar?

It's red because he's on Mars, get it? I need to go to sleep...
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#4 Jul 13 2011 at 12:00 AM Rating: Good
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Shaowstrike the Shady wrote:
I need to go to sleep...
I think Kao was saying that if you watch John Carter of Mars, it'll put you to sleep, though you might wake up covered in rabid weasels.
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#5 Jul 13 2011 at 8:35 AM Rating: Decent
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I hadn't heard of the movie, I have read the books once upon a time, wasn't bad.
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#6 Aug 22 2011 at 5:04 PM Rating: Good
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I can't believe that they cast Tim Riggins as John Carter.
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#7 Aug 22 2011 at 5:22 PM Rating: Good
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We saw the preview when we went to see another movie. As somebody who knew nothing about the books, I was thoroughly confused. It was like, "Okay, it's a period piece...wait...it's an adventure movie...okay, now their in the past? No wait...it's the future...and there are aliens...and he has superpowers? Smiley: confused

Edited, Aug 22nd 2011 7:23pm by Eske
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#8 Aug 23 2011 at 10:00 AM Rating: Good
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Just out of vague curiosity, is this what the aliens look like?
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#9 Aug 23 2011 at 10:19 AM Rating: Good
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lolgaxe wrote:
Just out of vague curiosity, is this what the aliens look like?
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I...think so?

It all just happened so fast...
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#10 Aug 23 2011 at 10:34 AM Rating: Good
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Just Youtubed it.

Yeah, I'm going with my initial post.
lolgaxe wrote:
I will withhold my consumer dollar due to this atrocity.
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#11 Aug 23 2011 at 10:44 AM Rating: Good
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Your taste in movies vexes me.
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#12 Aug 23 2011 at 11:07 AM Rating: Good
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I read a few volumes of the comics. They're godawful. I didn't know it was based on a book, so that's on me but the comics sure as hell don't inspire a lot of confidence to go exploring.
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#13 Aug 23 2011 at 7:46 PM Rating: Excellent
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They have a Kaolian road, thats the only redeaming factor. Aside from that, I'm still pissed at them over the exclusion.

The premise is that the books, written in 1912, are about a guy named John who was in the civil war (on the wrong side if I remember right) who finds some sort of mysterious marian teleportation temple, goes there, has adventures with semi futuristic peoples who are apperently easy to overpower with civil war era tactics and firearms, rescues the princess, etc, then comes back to tell his nephiew about it years later, that nephiew being Edgar Rice burroughs. They have floating ship thingies, and apperently mars makes humans have super strength, which givin the timing of the book, superman may actually have stole from burroughs. The books are actually not bad, especially when you read them at a young age. I'm not sure they would hold up well now, but if you put them in the same literary category as things like "the hardy boys" and whatnot, they do ok. I wasn't kidding about being the only people likely to have read them in a 200 mile radius though.

The movie still sucks though. and lacks sufficient wombats.
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#14 Aug 31 2011 at 1:22 PM Rating: Good
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Dread Lörd Kaolian wrote:
The movie still sucks though. and lacks sufficient wombats.


You could say this about almost any movie.
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