Tila Tequila is a lot of things. She's one of MySpace's most popular people. She's been a Playboy model and in Maxim. She has been in a rock band. She's bisexual and very open about it. She has her own reality TV show (or had? It might be over by now), called "A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila." She had her own fashion line for a little while.
I learned about Tila Tequila in senior year in college. A girl I fancied at the time loved shows like "A Shot at Love" and "I <3 New York"... you know, crappy (IMO) reality shows about the hostess trying to find "True Love." So I stayed up late at night, watching Tila make out with guys and girls alike. It weirded me out, as she's like 4' 11", so it looked almost like a child doing it o_O. Anyway, flash forward an entire year and a half. I'm out of college and dating a new girl who, go figure, also likes Tila Tequila. Her birthday was a couple of days ago, and she happened to let slip that she wanted Tila's book. So down to Borders I go, and they happen to have it in their Media section. I picked it up and thumbed through and thought to myself "Sweet Jesus, I went to Borders and bought porn." The middle of the book and the back cover are basically all pictures of Tila in various states of undress (although none completely nude and showing anything).
Well, since I have a couple of days until my girl's party, I decided to thumb through the book. I ended up reading it... because really, it's only about 40 pages of text total. I figured it would be interesting and talk about Tila's background. Erm, not really.
Let's start at the beginning. Tila begins talking about haters. Yes, she said, there are a lot of haters out there. You need to own it. Ignore them haters and own it.
I understand English and Spanish. I don't understand exactly about what she was writing. Intrigued, I moved on to the first chapter.
Chapter 1: SLUTS
Oh boy. According to Tila, a lot of haters called her a **** (and still do!). She refutes the claim, and says they only call her that because they're jealous. She even lists the definition of a **** (citation not provided in the book. Yes, I looked). I believe it was "A promiscuous woman." Tila's refutation was basically "It's not true! I mean, well, if being sexually active is being a slut, and loving **** is being a slut, yes, I am all that and more!" But she just listed the definition... and that's not it. Maybe she didn't understand "promiscuous," which, according to dictionary.com, is
characterized by or involving indiscriminate mingling or association, esp. having sexual relations with a number of partners on a casual basis.
As Tila mentions multiple times in her book, she has had multiple "sugar daddies" at the same time, will hook up with a guy just for a night if it's hot enough (or a girl, for that matter), and has never had a relationship last longer than a year, despite being "in love" numerous times. I hate to say it, but, er, she seems to be a slut. A proper refutation of the charges would have been something like "I love sex, and see nothing wrong with having it. People call me a **** but it doesn't matter to me. I am living my life how I want to, and loving it, and if the best they can do is insult me, I'm fine with that." In a manner, that's what she did write (it was a bit more, er, "ghetto" than I can get across), but that was after she denied being a slut. C'mon girl; OWN it!
The third chapter (I believe it was the third) was called "Pictures." And that's what it was. Basically Tila said "Go jerk off to this. I know it's why you bought this book." I didn't follow her advice, although she is quite attractive (again, despite the height thing. She's TINY!). But it made me wonder... to whom does this book cater? Sexual deviants? Men aged 20-40? Or people like my girlfriend? This one seemed like the 20-40 male crowd.
Later on we get to the "good stuff," which is about her advice and whatnot. Her background was woefully incomplete. She doesn't talk about her home life at all, despite cryptically mentioning she grew up in a household with no love. Her autobiography gives no set dates, no real details, no names (besides the name of MySpace's founder and some websites). Frankly, I felt like I was reading a fake MySpace profile with no substance... or one of those Playboy model "fact" sheets that says she likes long walks on the beach and hates dogs that bark. I'll admit I was disappointed; I would have liked to know more about her life. Later on in the "fan questions" section, she says she respects and loves her family and that's why she never talks about them; they don't belong on TV or in the spotlight.
Anyway, her advice section contained "How to understand dudes" and "Why girls are b*tches." It was more interesting than the previous section, although again I questioned to what audience the book was catering. She basically said "Guys will do their own thing, it's not an insult to you." She also says "If you like a guy, hold off on sleeping with him for as long as possible." Of course, she admits if you DON'T want a relationship, go ahead and bang him for a night and then leave. As for the girls' self-esteem section, I call it "fat girl advice." "There will always be someone more beautiful than you out there, so stop worrying so much!" I actually found that good advice. She also recommended taking the lead and going all out in bed. I must admit I was happy to hear that... but it got me thinking...
"What if she is just writing this book for guys?"
No, seriously. All of this advice might be pure nothing. It's what "dudes" want to hear... not girls. It makes guys love Tila even more; combine it with the pictures and lists of her turn-ons and favorite celebrity crushes and you have guys making fantasies about the "perfect" girl. I'm not sure if this is catered to women at all.
That thought made me a little sad. I hope my girlfriend still likes it. One part with which I did fully agree with was a fan question about exotic dancing, where Tila basically said "No way, don't, not worth it unless it's working toward a goal."
Anyway, it's mind-fodder, and not worth the almost $30 I paid. **** is free online. The only reason one should buy this is if they are a Tila fan. I leave you with two fun facts that I took away from this book.
1. Tila Tequila is a nickname from when she was 13 and did shots of tequila with friends and had an allergic reaction.
2. While Tila is against working as a stripper for a living, it's good if it's working toward a goal. In fact, she has a section of her book where she says that, if you need to, "suck d*ck for a Bentley. Because you're worth it." Yes, girls, suck d*ck for a Bentley because even if the haters call you a slut, you're not (no, but really you are), and you're worth a Bentley so you can ride around laughing at the haters. Own it.
Edit: Forgot to add. The book is actually over 100 pages (I think). The reason I said it's 40 pages of text is because everything is double spaced and random words are enlarged (for dramatic effect?). The writing literally made me remember middle school, when you had to write a 5 page paper and made it actually only two pages of text by using size 16 font and double-spacing it. Cute, Tila.
Edited, Jun 12th 2009 9:16am by LockeColeMA