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Forum predictions for 2006!Follow

#1 Jan 02 2006 at 4:01 PM Rating: Excellent
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The silly tradition continues! in the tradition of all silly traditions!
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The year 2006 will be one of trials and tribulations. Evil cluster 7, aka the Server which SHALL NOT be named, will put into motion it’s ultimate doomsday plan conceived after a routine antivirus patch went horribly, horribly wrong back in 2002. One token ring network to rule them all! One by one the free servers of allakhazamland will fall under it’s domain, but there are some who will resist A last alliance of routers and switches, led by the paladin Cluster 12 will attack. The battle will go well, and the forces of evil will be nearly routed, but the power of the ring could not be undone. Cluster 12 will fall, but at the last moment, when all hope seems lost, cluster 14 will take up the shattered shards of the magic sword of spiffyness and cut the ring from Cluster 7! Needless to say the site will be somewhat slow that day.

Once peace is restored to the land, the rest of the year will continue uneventfully until someone starts a rumor on fark that the fountain of youth is located somewhere deep within the heart of the ruins of the planetside forum. The resulting flood of would be adventurers will bog the servers down for at least 36 and ½ hours.

After more new servers are installed, the site will get faster. Then it will slow down, get faster, stop entirely, get kicked twice, then speed up and work well for the rest of the year, until DnD is released in August.

The FFXI forum and the WoW forum will become embroiled in a holy war over which game has the worst gil/gold sellers. The bloody carnage will continue for months until a clever sneak attack by the Everquest forum will obliterate them both and bring a new era of Everquest supremacy to the land. Until the next expansion is released and it ****** people off again so they turn to Pong, the MMORPG to sate their bloodlust.

After the schism of 2005 that led to the sundering of OOt and the now super seekrit society Ooot, the quality of posts in OOt will improve 0.025%.

The IRC chat channels will decide to run off with Jane from Enders game. This will result in the immediate popularity of “Carrier pigeonRC”

The new Karma system will run over the Dogma system. We all saw it coming.

Allenjj will star in his own variety show “alienJ the wonder chicken and his happy hour of doom”. It will become wildly popular in north korea, Polynesia, and Canada, and will inadvertently lead to a lasting peace in Iran before sparking their final war in episode 28.

TheDave will be shown in fact to be only A Dave, not the Dave, however in a stunning turn of events, the actual Dave will in fact be shown to be a guy named Carl from Idaho.

UndeadShroom and his army of zombie sessile spores will attempt to take over the world. Things will go well for him right up until the point someone remembers that mushrooms are quite tasty roasted over an open flame…

Lady DSD will become the next teen pop icon with her smash neo-physics hit single “oohh baby I want your quarks and leptons to match my spin state” Previously bemused parents will now become frightened and confused as they really, really don’t get it.

The ancient city of portland, lost after the now infamous “streudal” incident, will be rediscovered by renowned explorer Mistress Nadenue, who will later open a guided tour operation. You must be at least this tall to ride the rides however…

Pikko, having widely distributed her line of Mind control t-shirts will conquer Hawaii and portions of Siberia with delicious Maui sweetbread!

Demea, having been outed as a clever computer program perpetrated as a clever hoax by Illia will write a tell-all book about Cluster 13. it will make it to the best seller list, but will quickly drop to 52nd place as people begin to realize it is not in point of fact about Hillary Clinton.

WarMaverick, having recently cured cancer, will instead become the most hated and reviled man in the world when he invents Disco-hip-hop.

A glee club formed by Kelvyquayo and klyia will accidentally invent perpetual dance motion. I don’t get it either.

Esdim will <Censored by order of CIA> after which we will all look upon him with amazement until we figure out it was just accomplished by sleight of hand, a live chicken and a rubber mongoose.

Nobby will accidentally be fired out of a cannon into the Thames, where he will bounce 3 times off the surface before eventually being hurtled into the giant millennium ferris wheel, causing it to collapse off of it’s mounts and roll over the surface of France. This wll not necicarily be considered a bad thing.

The offspring of both Xythex and Tare will join forces to form the core membership of the superhero team Voltron 2006, using their amazing robot given powers to fight evil and rid the world of Barny.

The Rate Posts button will be briefly replaced by a sasquatch in an unsuccessful experiment perpetrated on the hapless EQOA forum members

JennockFV, while walking along the aisles of a shopping center in London, will be infected with the techie virus after being bitten by a Were-Computer! Mwahahaha!

Danalog shall be knighted by the sultan of Brunei for his part in “Operation proofsmite”

Singdall will do that thing with the juggling and the vodka again. We’ll laugh.

Dalliance will have a very uneventful, restful, hurricane free year

Due to ingesting a large quantity of slightly stale banana pudding, Kakar will decide to skip the month of February, causing a minor rift in the space time continuum which will be later filled with Mork and Mindy reruns.

The following people will be eaten by one or more Grues: fenderputy, Sarlos, Elinda
and or kundalini

Nexa, having been granted the power to mentally commune with tofu after her meteor striking incident back in 2005 will foil an evil plot by the soy bean growers of Ukraine to secretly replace all sugar in the United States with bean curds

Sir Weebs will wake up on Sunday, August 22nd at approximately 6:42 am Pacific standard time. After performing his normal morning routine, he will step outside to retrieve the paper, however he will slipp on a slightly damp porch tile. While landing unhurt, the tile itself loosened by his step will skid across the lawn and into the path of an oncoming furniture truck delivering a futon. The truck will swerve slightly, causing it to narrowly miss a rather startled golden retriever which will yelp and do a backflip out of harms way in alarm. The dog will land in a puddle with enough force to send an arc of water up into the air and into contact with an overhead telephone wire with an insulation fault. The sudden contact will ground out the signal, making the wire shake for a split second and starteling a large mallard duck perched on the wire, which will fly off with a mighty quack. This quack, captured via radio by scientists in Anchorage will conclusively prove that the quack of a duck cannot shatter concrete without massive amplification and the accompaniment of at least one tuba.

Thumbelyna will take up professional ice skating. Michelle quan eat your heart out.

Katie will invent a new form of unicycle, which will later be approved as an interrogation method for detained terror suspects.

Flea and {_________} will join forces in the entertainment act of the century and embark on a world tour. While wildly popular in Khazakstan and most of south America, Portions of Asia will be mildly puzzled at their lack of cool robot jokes. But the finalie will make up for that.

Smasharoo will post, then he wont, then he will again, then he’ll win a poker tournament and suddenly become too good for us all or something. Hrmph. The nerve!

Zadiel, bereft with grief over the loss of his beloved pikachu will retreat deep into the mountains and form a new monastic order based solely on the contemplation of spaghetti.

Allakhazam will become major part owner of the worlds first virtual hockey team, which seeing as it is the only virtual hockey team will win the world championship by default before accidentally being formatted by an evil plot of Cluster 7, which will subsequently be re-designated as a test drone for the military.

Kastigir will replace the power supply in his computer, but will fail to connect wire #27b, thereby inventing the worlds first matter transporter. It will unfortunately transport itself to a remote island off the coast of Guam and will not be rediscovered for another 12 years.

Samira, having secretly inherited north Korea in 2005, will even more secretly take over China, Brazil, Denmark, and the eastern half of the Yucatan peninsula. Because she’s sneaky like that when you aren’t looking.

Yanari will discover the prize winning secret to making excellent flan. This will start a dessert revolution amongst the masses, and will later result in the complete obsolescence of fruitcake as a dessert.

Youshutup will lead a Scottish independence revolt against great britian, but will accidentally, due to a series of navigational errors invade Wales, creating the independent commune of Shutupistan in the process. The world at large will not notice until the 2014 Olympic games.

Darkflame will invent a time machine and will Edited, Sat Jan 1 05:41:22 2005 by Darkflame upon defeating the evil ogre king will live happily every after

Shadowrelm and achileez will be captured by Iriktusi raiders and locked in the same dugout cell with one another for a period of 8 months. On the last day of month 8, overcome by worse than usual madness, they will end up eating one another. And there was much rejoiceing

Having secretly cloned himself from stem cells, Reeve will star again in the next superman movie, “Superman Vs. the angry mutant blob donky, Part I”.

AegisGoat will be run over by a truck driven by bodhisattva, which will in turn be ran over by a train. The train will later be ran over by a supertanker, which will be hit by a meteorite and subsequently used as an accidental nuclear test site by greenpeace whilst perfecting their anti-French weaponry.

PsychoJester will learn to yodel in french.

The top thread of 2006 will be patterned after that 1920’s classic “the rubiyat of ohmar kayam”

Tacosid will win an award for breeding prize winning Japanese koi fish. However the icthyo-world at whole will be horrified they are actually fed the dismembered corpses of his enemies. That is to say until they discover that his enemies are in point of fact actually rutabagas. Well, rutabagas and Richard simmons, but he didn’t count as human anyways.

PsiChi will invent the Psionic Chiapet. While initially hailed a s a mirical of modern science, it will soon be discovered that much like tribbles, psionic chiapets multiply at an an exponential rate. The world is deemed at great peral until someone discovers that the psionic chiapet also tastes exactly like the most perfect chocolate, lobster, beer, wine, and or schnitzel depending on the portion you eat. They become completely extinct in a period of 3 weeks.

AngstyCoder will discover and patent a revolutionary new form of binary composed entirely of pasta O’s and noodles. From the resulting profits he’ll buy us all ponies!

Trickybeck will reticulate splines

In accordance with the prophecy, fhrugby will be sighted on the corner of 5th and main on October 3rd, at precisely 12:05 pm.

NephthysWanderer will embark on a career as a standup comedian, only to be heckled at every single show by a duck with an oversized head and red, burning beady eyes…

Tarv spelled backwards is Vrat!

Elinclaire will invent the worlds first functional interstellar toaster

RedjedBlue will be taunted by angry beavers

Proroc will encounter an antiroc. The resulting wave of roc energy will be sufficient to roc the casbah. The Caliph won’t like it.

@WorkSlacking will be a outed as actually being a highly motivated and industrious worker to the disgust of his fan base.

Weedjedi will take up gardening, and will be entranced by the gentle sway of the marigolds.

Jophiel’s post count, having previously reached critical mass and destroyed the fox news empire, will continue to grow, sucking in all forms of communication until the only source of any information on the planet will be these very forums, which will remain in existence perched on the event horizon.

Redyne will be named chairwomen of the American jello of the month club amidst fanfare and spectacle unlike any seen since the crowning of Ramses II

Haggan will discover that after imbibing a suitable quantity of mountain dew, he will be endowed with the powers of Dew-fu, and will use his newfound abilities to smite the unwary evildoers and stuff like that.

Ralius will, after reviewing the 14th Karma camper thread by the same person over being rated down only once, will go on a karma witchhunt the likes of which will not be seen again for an age. It will be really spiffy.

Chand will be the only person on the planet that does absolutely nothing for the entire year, on account of his clocks being accidentally set for 2007

Jonwin will be chosen by the ancient order of platipie to lead the Wombat hoard in 2006 to great victory over slovakia.

Gbaji will complete his evil master plan to subjugate all forumkind by finishing his superweapon, the gbajitron 5000. A space station the size fo a small moon, it is equipped with a massive loudspeaker with which to broadcast his forum posts unceasingly at the populace of earth. The plan will be foiled by the minor detail of the lack of ability of vacuum to transmit sound waves, and plan B will be initiated.

Gitslayer will live out his lifelong dream of becoming the worlds first elvis impersonator with a believable mowhawk. The royalties from the first month of touring alone will be enough to buy Arkansas. But you’ll have to boil it first…

Illia will complete his great programming work, the Illia-D++ programming language. Based entirely on code fragments recovered from ancient Greek epics and Canadian acronyms, it will be the first completely unhackable forum language. It will also make excellent waffles.

Rimesume will go weee weee weee weee allll the way home!

AngryUndead will lock in mortal combat with undeadshroom, however at the last second due to a mistimed gamma ray burst they will fuse and become the fearsome angryundeadshroom, not to be confused with the angry hippo or any derivative therin.

Totem will invent the first beer helmet hat for helicopter pilots. The royalties from the sales will allow him to pursue his dream to become a prize winning ballet dancer.

Debalic, having learned the secret of his parentage, will blow up cluster 7, aka the “death server” Then the ewoks will dance. However upon discovering that roast ewoks taste exactly like chicken, the ewok population will soon abruptly decline for unknown reasons. Yay!

Lefein will continue to do what he does best…

Soracloud will boogie like it’s 1999

LtGoose will be promoted to captain, however he will later be broken back to private after a scandal involving 3 quarts whiskey, a roll of duct tape, 4 sprigs of alfalfa, and a ukalalie.

Me? I’ll most likely finalize my prototype cheese teleporter, coming to a living room near you!

Oh, and the world will end again, but it will be on a technicality, so it won't count against our score.
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#2 Jan 02 2006 at 4:03 PM Rating: Excellent
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Oh, and anyone I forgot will be corrupted by the electric boogaloo. so there nyah thbbt!
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#3 Jan 02 2006 at 4:22 PM Rating: Good
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Wow. The day has come that Undeadshroom and Allenjj get billing but I didn't.

It truly is the end of the world. Smiley: bah [:middlefingersmiley:]





Edited, Mon Jan 2 16:23:42 2006 by Elderon
#5 Jan 02 2006 at 4:28 PM Rating: Decent
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Bah. At least it was better than last year.
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#6 Jan 02 2006 at 4:32 PM Rating: Excellent
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you should have posted in the thread I got most of my names from. but, since I don't like to be missing people:

Elderon will take part in a top secret government experament aimed at transporting people through a giant stale ancient doughnut discovered in the Giza plateau. this ancient "Steller Turnstile" will be used to seek out strange new alien lifeforms, including the dread furbies, who will later, unbenownst to most people briefly conquer earth before being enslaved by man for eternity. Cool huh?
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#7 Jan 02 2006 at 4:39 PM Rating: Good
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Dread Lörd Kaolian wrote:
you should have posted in the thread I got most of my names from. but, since I don't like to be missing people:
That will teach me to take a few days off from the forum during the holidays! I'll make a note: Kaolian has a very short memory span. Wait, who is Kaolian again? Smiley: confused
Quote:
Cool huh?
Yar.
#8 Jan 02 2006 at 4:59 PM Rating: Good
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So, you owe us $5 for each prediction that's wrong. That's how this works, right?


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#9 Jan 02 2006 at 5:04 PM Rating: Excellent
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nah, you owe me $5. It's incentive for me to get them wrong eh?
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#10 Jan 02 2006 at 5:28 PM Rating: Good
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Allakhazam will become major part owner of the worlds first virtual hockey team, which seeing as it is the only virtual hockey team will win the world championship by default


Sorry but this cannot possibly happen, as it is common knowledge that even if a Philadelphia based sports team was in a league all their own they couldn't win a championship.

Yeah, sigh, I'm a Eagles, Flyers, Phillies, Sixers fan.
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#11 Jan 02 2006 at 5:43 PM Rating: Excellent
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Darkflame will invent a time machine and will Edited, Sat Jan 1 05:41:22 2005 by Darkflame upon defeating the evil ogre king will live happily every after


WTF is that???
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#12 Jan 02 2006 at 5:46 PM Rating: Excellent
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I was mentioned. Smiley: yippee

All is right with the world...
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#13 Jan 02 2006 at 5:58 PM Rating: Decent
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I am indeed the most popular poster! Smiley: yippee
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#14 Jan 02 2006 at 6:02 PM Rating: Decent
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Quote:
Quote:

Darkflame will invent a time machine and will Edited, Sat Jan 1 05:41:22 2005 by Darkflame upon defeating the evil ogre king will live happily every after




WTF is that???


You invented a time machine and went back in time to edit the story?
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#15 Jan 02 2006 at 6:16 PM Rating: Excellent
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Reeve wrote:
Quote:
Quote:

Darkflame will invent a time machine and will Edited, Sat Jan 1 05:41:22 2005 by Darkflame upon defeating the evil ogre king will live happily every after




WTF is that???


You invented a time machine and went back in time to edit the story?


OH! HAHAHAHAHA

*hides*
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#16 Jan 02 2006 at 6:40 PM Rating: Good
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Kaolian wrote:
Allenjj will star in his own variety show “alienJ the wonder chicken and his happy hour of doom”. It will become wildly popular in north korea, Polynesia, and Canada, and will inadvertently lead to a lasting peace in Iran before sparking their final war in episode 28.


Actually we have the "Final War" slated for episode 29. That'll be the one where I point out that Canada actually has less respect in world politics than North Korea and Iran. In a move that nobody could've predicted, the entire Canadian population joins the mounty's and forms the strongest, most devastating military force the world has ever seen. They quickly conquer North Korea, Iran, and Sudan (they've always hated those Sudanese bastards with their smug grins).
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#17 Jan 02 2006 at 6:41 PM Rating: Excellent
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Demea, having been outed as a clever computer program perpetrated as a clever hoax by Illia will write a tell-all book about Cluster 13. it will make it to the best seller list, but will quickly drop to 52nd place as people begin to realize it is not in point of fact about Hillary Clinton.

clstr 14 > clstr 13. N00b.
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#18 Jan 02 2006 at 6:53 PM Rating: Good
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You ******* Kaolian!

Now I'm counting down to the 2007 predictions.

Nobby Rackage and Bammage for that post.
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#19 Jan 02 2006 at 7:14 PM Rating: Decent
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Which Portland?
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#20 Jan 02 2006 at 7:34 PM Rating: Excellent
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Elinda wrote:
Which Portland?


the real one, on the left.
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#21 Jan 02 2006 at 7:37 PM Rating: Decent
I refuse to be eaten by a grue. I will always carry a lantern and plenty of spare oil, just in case.
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#22 Jan 02 2006 at 7:39 PM Rating: Decent
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Dread Lörd Kaolian wrote:
Elinda wrote:
Which Portland?


the real one, on the left.
My left or your left?
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#23 Jan 02 2006 at 7:47 PM Rating: Excellent
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Elinda wrote:
Dread Lörd Kaolian wrote:
Elinda wrote:
Which Portland?


the real one, on the left.
My left or your left?


Yes
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#24 Jan 02 2006 at 8:32 PM Rating: Excellent
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I had to take Denmark. The Swedes were being mean to them again.
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#25 Jan 02 2006 at 9:00 PM Rating: Good
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I Know I tease you
And I know you like that
I know I please you
'Cause that's where it's at
I know you want me
The albedo in your eyes
I know you'll take me
'Cause I hate your orbital cries

Chorus:
Ooh Baby I want your quarks
Ooh Baby -I want your leptons
Ooh Baby - to match my spin state
Oooh Baby - Yeah

I know I'll get you hot (think Kelvin)
Just you see
you love it when our bodies rock
electrokineticly
I know you like the things
That I always say
I know you want the thing
That's coming your way

Ooh Baby I want your quarks
Ooh Baby -I want your leptons
Ooh Baby - to match my spin state
Oooh Baby - Yeah

-Verse 2-

Ooh Baby I want your quarks
Ooh Baby -I want your leptons
Ooh Baby - to match my spin state
Oooh Baby - Yeah

Ooh Baby I want your quarks
Ooh Baby -I want your leptons
Ooh Baby - to match my spin state
Oooh Baby - Yeah

Lookout!

Ooh baby
Ooh baby




Edited, Mon Jan 2 21:03:29 2006 by DSD
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#26 Jan 02 2006 at 9:00 PM Rating: Decent
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Dread Lörd Kaolian wrote:

A glee club formed by Kelvyquayo and klyia will accidentally invent perpetual dance motion. I don’t get it either.


Don't worry, you will when the time is right.
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