Fault tolerance and deal breakersFollow

There was a discussion on the AV Club the other day about "pop culture deal breakers", wherein people were talking (mostly facetiously, at least I hope so) about what pop culture consumption they could or could not tolerate in a love interest.

It got me thinking, though: in a job, in a relationship, in a friendship - what are your deal breakers?

I won't work in a toxic environment, ever again. I'm talking about, for example, an office where there are cliques and backstabbing and jockeying for management approval and attention - what we think of as corporate America. Been there, done that, would strike out on my own before tolerating that mess again.

In a relationship, my deal breaker is lying. I'm not talking about face-saving white lies, but really hiding something. That, to me, is a dire symptom of mistrust.

In a friendship, I don't want to spend time around people who gossip maliciously or regard others as less than themselves. I don't much care about status or personal habits like drug use or political or religious beliefs as such. I don't mind if you believe in God or fairies or New Age crystals. Just don't be a **** about it; that's my rule.

I won't work in an environment where I'm monitored 8 hours straight ever again. I still have nightmares about the VNC network icon coming on from that one office.

I can't thing of a single thing that would probably count as a deal breaker on its own.

I can think of combinations of things, abusive boss, low pay, long hours and such that would kill a job in the end but could tolerate any one of those things if there were enough good things about the job. Same with relationships, I'm generally pretty easy going and flexible so you probably aren't going to say or do any one thing that's going to cross you off the list. I can't think of a trait I can't tolerate. Maybe some pretty hardcore social conservatism, but even with that I've put up with a lot of it over the years so you'd have to be a pretty special case, you know one of those types that makes Varus look like a liberal.

I mean other than extreme things, like maybe trying to kill me or something, there's not really anything that comes to mind.

I've found that the work environment can turn toxic pretty suddenly and without much warning. In my work-world the most recent admin change has really sickened the interpersonal environment at my workplace. But it's tolerable - for now.

The type of job I could never do again is one where everyone starts with the bell at 8am. Everyone breaks with the bell at 10am. Everyone goes to lunch with the bell, at the plant cafeteria at noon, etc. I was introduced to this type of place when I did temp chemistry job for Land-o-lakes food. I was offered a permanent position in the analytics lab at the end of my three month stint, but I had to turn it down. Though that's not to say LoL was a bad employer - just very regimented.

This is really not applicable to me as I've had the same partner for 30 years now and I don't see that changing..and honestly (honest) I don't recall considering personal characteristics when I married. I'm big on honesty in general but over the years I've decided everyone is big on honesty. And everyone claims they're honest - only others are dishonest and if I'm dishonest it's justified and not really who I am ...at all.

Still it's an important characteristic for to continue to try and improve on. If I were to make a statement about regional honesty, I'd say Mainers are much more honest and forthcoming in their opinions about most everything as compared to Minnesotan's who tend to not want to offend anyone and so just 'smile' and nod.

Gossip is typically very judgmental. It's hard to not get caught up in it as it gives the feeling of inclusion. I keep the E. Roosevelt quote stuck on my office wall - to help remind me not to gossip.
But still, I get caught sometimes.

Didn't you kill your parents? Well either way, enjoy the inheritance.

In a job, I find that I can usually deal with most personality types I encounter. I've generally got enough technical background and know how cred that I'll at least get a grudging respect for my abilities from even the most annoying people to work with, and enough management backing and horsepower to work around the few examples I've ever ran into who don't want to play nice. Usually even those aren't anything personal, you just run into alot of turf ware politics in a government job for some reason. Beyond that I've worked with all sorts of co workers, usually decent hard working sorts, but even the occasional bad apple and I can't really imagine a co-worker that I couldn't at least tolerate or work around. I suppose it would be different with a manager that didn't respect my abilities or one of those ackward personality incompatabilities you run into from time to time, but in the IT field, we're generally all computer nerds at some level so that helps. You don't last long in the field if you don't at least think the toys are neat.

In a relationship? Trust and respect would be a key one. I start out trusting and believeing in people right up until the moment they choose to no longer be worthy of that trust, and once thats gone, it doesn't ever come back for me. I'm not talking minor issues, or the occasional omission because someone forgot or is trying to hide a birthday present or anything along those lines, but those major issues that torpedo relationships. Some people can overcome that and forgive and forget, I can't generally. Aside from that, being somewhat allergic to ciggarette smoke also leads to some incompatabilities. I won't date a smoker, and its not out of any particular moral grounds, but just general living environment compatability. There are also some general criteria I probably wouldn't get into a relationship with some girl if she were a scientologist for example. or if she hated wombats. The usual. The not being a complete crazy psychotic person with 3 kids, an ex husband about to get out of prison for violent assault whom they apperently already told I was dating them before the topic even came up to the level of discussion (before she demonstrated the crazyness), etc. That only happens one time before you get very particular about that specific criteria.

For a friendship, it's just again about respect and getting along. I've had friends that were very different than me, who shared no real common interests with me, simply because we met during circumstances unusual, etc. People that do share interests with me I generally get along with really well, and whether it's just the polite aquaintance nod in the hallway, or people who might get a kidney if they needed one, I treat people as my friend until they decide to break that respect. Once thats gone I don't need to have anything to do with that person anymore. Users and abusers who are only friendly up until they get what they want consistantly, people who are needlessly cruel, etc. Those people lose my respect and I move on. it doesn't happen all that often.

Working is for suckers. All I require out of a relationship is that the other party be Nexa. Not that demanding, really. I don't really qualify "friendships" in a meaningful way. I can't imagine actively choosing to not be friends with someone I knew. I can imagine saying ********** that guy" when inviting people to a party, I guess, but it wouldn't be so codified.

Then I wouldn't be living in the states, now would I?

Good thing is people like him tend not to bother you much. You see a flag flying over their house, a couple rusted cars on the lawn, and other then that nothing but the occasional 'pop pop pop' of target practice.

Well until the cops show up to confiscate their still at least.

What would you say the opposite of a deal breaker is? That is it.

FiXX0r'd

Scurvy?

I thought about that and then decided that anyone who wanted to over-think an obvious joke deserved whatever they got.

Edited, May 17th 2014 11:58am by Jophiel