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If the Asylum was a bar ....Follow

#1 Apr 12 2013 at 11:51 AM Rating: Excellent
If the Asylum was a bar ....

I picture walking in, there is a wombat head up on the wall with a placard "evil blighter shot by Kaolian, 2013".

Gbaji is standing at the entrance - he gives me money to buy drinks as this will improve the economy and ultimately himself.

There is a bar brawl in the corner with Rachel9, Alma and a few others arguing. All trying to stab each other with ball of wool. If the aggression ever dies down, one of the Asylum regulars will go poke someone with a stick to ensure the battle continues much to the amusement of the spectators.

The barman is Kaolian. Before serving me squints with a grin and asks three questions:
"What is your Name?"
"What is your Quest?"
"What is the burrowing speed of a wombat?"
I answer "Do you mean an uncommon or common wombat?", he screams and lets me take away a bottle of wine to the centre of the room. To recover himself, Kaolian starts a conversation on an amusing subject.

I find Smasharoo sitting giving out well versed and amusing insults until Nexa calls him and demands he go home.

There is a small contingent of British in the room, sitting near but on the same table as the Aussies. They get along but never quite see eye to eye.

And now I'm out of time .. and leave ..
#2 Apr 12 2013 at 11:55 AM Rating: Excellent
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I find Smasharoo sitting giving out well versed and amusing insults until Nexa calls him and demands he go home.

I find this strange fantasy world where I leave my wife at home to care for the children an go drinking alone fascinating. Is this how it is in Limeyland? Also, clearly I don't have enough bathrooms to waste money at a bar. I have all those used Lexus payments to make.
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#3 Apr 12 2013 at 11:57 AM Rating: Good
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JennockFV wrote:
If the aggression ever dies down, one of the Asylum regulars will go poke someone with a stick to ensure the battle continues much to the amusement of the spectators.
Dibs.
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#4 Apr 12 2013 at 11:58 AM Rating: Excellent
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JennockFV wrote:
Gbaji is standing at the entrance rear exit - he gives me money to buy drinks as this will improve the economy and ultimately himself. He intends to not mug me later, thereby making me $15 richer.


Fix'd.
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#5 Apr 12 2013 at 12:17 PM Rating: Good
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JennockFV wrote:
If the Asylum was a bar ....

Alma would be singing Karaoke (nobody would be listening).



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#6 Apr 12 2013 at 12:18 PM Rating: Excellent
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Smasharoo wrote:
I find Smasharoo sitting giving out well versed and amusing insults until Nexa calls him and demands he go home.

I find this strange fantasy world where I leave my wife at home to care for the children an go drinking alone fascinating. Is this how it is in Limeyland? Also, clearly I don't have enough bathrooms to waste money at a bar. I have all those used Lexus payments to make.
I would put Smash in the backroom dealing black jack.
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#7 Apr 12 2013 at 12:21 PM Rating: Excellent
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I'd be drinking a 40 oz. from a paper bag, in the alley behind the joint.
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#8 Apr 12 2013 at 12:24 PM Rating: Decent
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Spoonless wrote:
I'd be drinking a 40 oz. from a paper bag, in the alley behind the joint.

Take it from the Canadians, use plastic bags for drinking out of. They hold up much better.
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#9 Apr 12 2013 at 3:03 PM Rating: Excellent
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I always pictured Gbaji hovering over the unconscious woman behind a dumpster, shouting at anyone who passes by "I DIDN'T RAPE HER! SEE, NO MARKS!!".
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#10 Apr 12 2013 at 3:16 PM Rating: Default
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Elinda wrote:
JennockFV wrote:
If the Asylum was a bar ....

Alma would be singing Karaoke (nobody would be listening).


I don't see myself in a bar; but if I were, I would probably be doing something on my cellphone.
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Almalieque wrote:

I'm biased against statistics
#11 Apr 12 2013 at 3:31 PM Rating: Excellent
Almalieque wrote:
Elinda wrote:
JennockFV wrote:
If the Asylum was a bar ....

Alma would be singing Karaoke (nobody would be listening).


I don't see myself in a bar; but if I were, I would probably be doing something on my cellphone.


Arguing semantics on a web forum?
#12 Apr 12 2013 at 3:50 PM Rating: Default
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JennockFV wrote:
Almalieque wrote:
Elinda wrote:
JennockFV wrote:
If the Asylum was a bar ....

Alma would be singing Karaoke (nobody would be listening).


I don't see myself in a bar; but if I were, I would probably be doing something on my cellphone.


Arguing semantics on a web forum?


If the Asylum were a bar, then all of the people that I know that intentionally misuse words in order to validate their weak point and not understand the difference between semantics and fallacious arguments will already be there.
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Almalieque wrote:

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#13 Apr 12 2013 at 3:58 PM Rating: Decent
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I'd be there somewhere, but no one would notice.
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#14 Apr 12 2013 at 4:07 PM Rating: Excellent
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I'd be drinking craft beer and trying to argue about Canadian politics... but then I would realize no one cares and feel sad.
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#15 Apr 12 2013 at 4:24 PM Rating: Excellent
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After 13 years and 60-whatever-thousand posts, I'd be coming in to a rousing cheer of "Joph!", making a witty rejoiner to the bartender's question of how my day is going and then settle in to my permanent spot at the bar.

Then mention my wife who no one in the bar ever sees these days.
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#16 Apr 12 2013 at 4:34 PM Rating: Excellent
Jophiel wrote:
After 13 years and 60-whatever-thousand posts, I'd be coming in to a rousing cheer of "Joph!", making a witty rejoiner to the bartender's question of how my day is going and then settle in to my permanent spot at the bar.

Then mention my wife who no one in the bar ever sees these days.


I'd buy you a drink with Gabjis money

#17 Apr 12 2013 at 4:38 PM Rating: Excellent
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Gbaji wouldn't give you money, he'd give the establishment money and wait for it to reach you guys through cheaper booze...
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#18 Apr 12 2013 at 5:00 PM Rating: Excellent
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You'd find me out back, peeing in the alley, which apparently can run you a cool grand these days.
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#19 Apr 12 2013 at 5:06 PM Rating: Good
I'd be playing pinball, if they had a pinball machine.

If they didn't have one, I wouldn't be there.
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#20 Apr 12 2013 at 5:51 PM Rating: Excellent
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Friar Bijou wrote:
I'd be playing pinball, if they had a pinball machine.

If they didn't have one, I wouldn't be there.


I didn't know you we're deaf and dumb as well!
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#21 Apr 12 2013 at 5:56 PM Rating: Good
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Friar Bijou wrote:
I'd be playing pinball, if they had a pinball machine.

If they didn't have one, I wouldn't be there.
So, i'm sittin in the bar and i've had a glass of wine, so I gotta tell my pinball story. it's too cool.

We're on a family vacation out west. Where the **** we were exactly I've no clue, I was 4 or 5 i think. We stop somewhere desert like, SD, or WY or MT, lol, to visit my Moms cousin I think. The house we stop at in the desert is an underground thing. There was a kid, prolly a bit younger than me, naked from the waste down and riding a st. bernard. I'm thinking this a bit far-out, but then we go into the underground house and there's the most wondrous thing, full-size real life pinball machine - that you didn't have to put quarters into!. We (us kids) finally had to get lured away from it eventually with ice cream. The last oddity of my visit to wherever-I-was, was our hosts dipped our ice cream cones in rice krispies. Nothing we'd seen done yet...lol.

Bijou was that you riding naked on the dog?
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#22 Apr 12 2013 at 6:01 PM Rating: Good
Elinda wrote:
So, i'm sittin in the bar and i've had a glass of wine, so I gotta tell my pinball story. it's too cool.

We're on a family vacation out west. Where the **** we were exactly I've no clue, I was 4 or 5 i think. We stop somewhere desert like, SD, or WY or MT, lol, to visit my Moms cousin I think. The house we stop at in the desert is an underground thing. There was a kid, prolly a bit younger than me, naked from the waste down and riding a st. bernard. I'm thinking this a bit far-out, but then we go into the underground house and there's the most wondrous thing, full-size real life pinball machine - that you didn't have to put quarters into!. We (us kids) finally had to get lured away from it eventually with ice cream. The last oddity of my visit to wherever-I-was, was our hosts dipped our ice cream cones in rice krispies. Nothing we'd seen done yet...lol.

Bijou was that you riding naked on the dog?
That depends; what year was this?Smiley: clown
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gbaji wrote:
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gbaji wrote:
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#23 Apr 12 2013 at 6:03 PM Rating: Good
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Friar Bijou wrote:
Elinda wrote:
So, i'm sittin in the bar and i've had a glass of wine, so I gotta tell my pinball story. it's too cool.

We're on a family vacation out west. Where the **** we were exactly I've no clue, I was 4 or 5 i think. We stop somewhere desert like, SD, or WY or MT, lol, to visit my Moms cousin I think. The house we stop at in the desert is an underground thing. There was a kid, prolly a bit younger than me, naked from the waste down and riding a st. bernard. I'm thinking this a bit far-out, but then we go into the underground house and there's the most wondrous thing, full-size real life pinball machine - that you didn't have to put quarters into!. We (us kids) finally had to get lured away from it eventually with ice cream. The last oddity of my visit to wherever-I-was, was our hosts dipped our ice cream cones in rice krispies. Nothing we'd seen done yet...lol.

Bijou was that you riding naked on the dog?
That depends; what year was this?Smiley: clown

mid-60's perhaps..maybe.
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#24 Apr 12 2013 at 6:04 PM Rating: Good
Friar Bijou wrote:
I'd be playing pinball, if they had a pinball machine.


Addendum: Assuming I regain binocular vision in this Asylum-bar-parallel-universe. Otherwise I'd be schooling one of y'alls sorry asses in a game of cribbage.Smiley: schooled
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gbaji wrote:
I'm smarter then you. I know how to think. I've been trained in critical thinking instead of blindly parroting what I've been told.
gbaji wrote:
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#25 Apr 12 2013 at 6:05 PM Rating: Good
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Friar Bijou wrote:
Friar Bijou wrote:
I'd be playing pinball, if they had a pinball machine.


Addendum: Assuming I regain binocular vision in this Asylum-bar-parallel-universe. Otherwise I'd be schooling one of y'alls sorry asses in a game of cribbage.Smiley: schooled


Or pulling a Tommy
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#26 Apr 12 2013 at 6:06 PM Rating: Good
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the bottom of my beer can is sticky. Like, right now. I bet that would happen in the asylum bar too.
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When it comes to sitting around not doing anything for long periods of time, only being active for short windows, and marginal changes and sidegrades I'd say FFXI players were the perfect choice for politicians.

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#27 Apr 12 2013 at 6:24 PM Rating: Good
Elinda wrote:
Friar Bijou wrote:
That depends; what year was this?Smiley: clown

mid-60's perhaps..maybe.


Good God woman! How old are you?
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gbaji wrote:
I'm smarter then you. I know how to think. I've been trained in critical thinking instead of blindly parroting what I've been told.
gbaji wrote:
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#28 Apr 12 2013 at 6:33 PM Rating: Excellent
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Would put her in the 50s. Possibly early 60s.
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#29 Apr 12 2013 at 6:37 PM Rating: Good
Yeah, well, I thought she was younger than I. Wrong.
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gbaji wrote:
I'm smarter then you. I know how to think. I've been trained in critical thinking instead of blindly parroting what I've been told.
gbaji wrote:
My own extraordinary nature has nothing to do with the validity of what I'm talking about..
#30 Apr 12 2013 at 6:41 PM Rating: Excellent
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Friar Bijou wrote:
Yeah, well, I thought she was younger than I. Wrong.

Nope, she's actually older than us. Scary, huh?

I would be at the bar, trying to decide between merlot and vodka. Vodka would probably win, and then I'd end up throwing darts and being pretty good at it until about the sixth drink. Then I'd be up doing horrendous karaoke. One of you would have to put me in a cab at that point.

Ah... how I miss the 90's
#31 Apr 12 2013 at 7:51 PM Rating: Good
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i'm 51. there are a lot of people in my age group, so don't be acting like I'm some kind of freak.
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#32 Apr 12 2013 at 8:31 PM Rating: Decent
Elinda wrote:
i'm 51. there are a lot of people in my age group, so don't be acting like I'm some kind of freak.
You, Elne C, Jonwin, Nobby, Tailmon.

If there's any other 50+ers in =4 or =28 I guess I don't know them.Smiley: frown
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gbaji wrote:
I'm smarter then you. I know how to think. I've been trained in critical thinking instead of blindly parroting what I've been told.
gbaji wrote:
My own extraordinary nature has nothing to do with the validity of what I'm talking about..
#33 Apr 12 2013 at 9:11 PM Rating: Excellent
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Elinda wrote:
i'm 51. there are a lot of people in my age group, so don't be acting like I'm some kind of freak.

Freak.
#34 Apr 12 2013 at 10:27 PM Rating: Decent
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Quote:
There is a bar brawl in the corner with Rachel9
A brawl? Smiley: dubious

That would never happen.
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#35 Apr 12 2013 at 10:52 PM Rating: Excellent
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A guy walks into an Asylum, he says "ow"

... wait, that's not how it goes!

All I know is if I'm bartending, there isn't a Karaoke machine. Nothing is worth that pain if you have perfect pitch. Darts is a good bet though. Maybe some drunken competitive RC helicopter flying competitions on the side (with air to air dart missile hazards?) Actually, come to think of it, aside from the liability issues, thats a damned good idea for a bar.

Also wombats can move over 40 KM/hr on short distance runs, but they only tunnel on average about 1 meter per minute in soft ground. More or less depending on the size of the wombat, water content of the soil, density, etc.
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#36 Apr 13 2013 at 6:00 AM Rating: Good
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Friar Bijou wrote:
If there's any other 50+ers in =4 or =28 I guess I don't know them.Smiley: frown

Uppity kids Smiley: oyvey
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#37 Apr 13 2013 at 8:15 AM Rating: Decent
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Dread Lörd Kaolian wrote:
A guy walks into an Asylum, he says "ow"

I see you joke and raise you 31 nerdy jokes.



My favorite? Baby I wish I was your derivative so I could lie tangent to your curves.
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#38 Apr 13 2013 at 10:22 AM Rating: Default
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That was pretty funny. I wish that I could rate up posts. It's complete BS that people with low karma can't rate.
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Almalieque wrote:

I'm biased against statistics
#39 Apr 13 2013 at 10:55 AM Rating: Good
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I'd probably be in the alley with Demea. Having not realized that the door locks automatically once it closes, and everyone inside just snickers as we pound on the door to let us back in.

Edited, Apr 13th 2013 10:55am by Kakar
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#40 Apr 13 2013 at 10:57 AM Rating: Excellent
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Kakar wrote:
I'd probably be in the alley with Demea

mmmHMmmmm..... Smiley: um
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Wow. Regular ol' Joph fan club in here.
#41 Apr 13 2013 at 11:18 AM Rating: Excellent
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Criminy wrote:
My favorite? Baby I wish I was your derivative so I could lie tangent to your curves.

But a derivative doesn't lie tangent to the curve, it just describes the slope of the tangent line.

This proves there are no good math jokes. QED
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#42 Apr 13 2013 at 11:27 AM Rating: Default
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trickybeck wrote:
Criminy wrote:
My favorite? Baby I wish I was your derivative so I could lie tangent to your curves.

But a derivative doesn't lie tangent to the curve, it just describes the slope of the tangent line.

This proves there are no good math jokes. QED


In college, I used to say "I wouldn't mind integrating her function!"
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Demea wrote:
Almalieque wrote:

I'm biased against statistics
#43 Apr 13 2013 at 12:35 PM Rating: Good
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My favourite math joke is a Latin joke:

A good Latin student never declines sex!

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lolgaxe wrote:
When it comes to sitting around not doing anything for long periods of time, only being active for short windows, and marginal changes and sidegrades I'd say FFXI players were the perfect choice for politicians.

clicky
#44 Apr 13 2013 at 1:34 PM Rating: Excellent
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I baked and served a pie in a square pan once, which was not only the best math joke ever, it was also delicious!
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#45 Apr 13 2013 at 2:13 PM Rating: Good
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My favorite math joke is 3 x (y).

Because.
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#46 Apr 14 2013 at 8:05 AM Rating: Excellent
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I would be sitting in a corner, drinking a pint of stout (draft of course, we Asylumites demand the best.) and sputtering nonsense at random moments. Well I don't think it's nonsense, but then none of you know how to speak Elnese.

I also will prove that a 54 year old can still be sexy, by wearing my corset.
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#47 Apr 14 2013 at 11:06 AM Rating: Good
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I'd be at the bar ordering shots for everyone, making fun of the math geeks and cursing whoever played Somewhere Over the Rainbow on the jukebox.
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You guys keep tossing facts out there like they mean something.


#48 Apr 14 2013 at 11:26 AM Rating: Good
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Jophiel wrote:
Kakar wrote:
I'd probably be in the alley with Demea

mmmHMmmmm..... Smiley: um

Smiley: wink2
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#49 Apr 14 2013 at 2:08 PM Rating: Excellent
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ElneClare wrote:
I would be sitting in a corner, drinking a pint of stout (draft of course, we Asylumites demand the best.) and sputtering nonsense at random moments. Well I don't think it's nonsense, but then none of you know how to speak Elnese.

I also will prove that a 54 year old can still be sexy, by wearing my corset.

Smiley: inlove
#50 Apr 14 2013 at 4:31 PM Rating: Decent
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ElneClare wrote:
I also will prove that a 54 year old can still be sexy, by wearing my corset.

Say "Wherefore art thou, Romeo"
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#51 Apr 14 2013 at 5:46 PM Rating: Good
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Debalic wrote:
ElneClare wrote:
I also will prove that a 54 year old can still be sexy, by wearing my corset.

Say "Wherefore art thou, Romeo"
It really annoys me when people get the question of what that means wrong on OkCupid. I mean, how hard is it to google that ****
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