If you're that excited about mediocre bread, eat toast.
Welcome to Smasharoo's beginners comedy writing seminar! With NO MONEY DOWN, I can teach you to punch up your posts with little or no effort. Let's take our first example. Not bad, I mean toast is pretty funny. People suing over toast is funny, but wouldn't this be better:
"If people are really that excited about mediocre bread, I say:
Let them eat toast."
See what I did there?
Try the veal.
To make a long story short, I don't take any responsibility for anything I post here. It's not news, it's not truth, it's not serious. It's parody. It's satire. It's bitter. It's angsty. Your mother's a whore. You like to jack off dogs. That's right, you heard me. You like to grab that dog by the bone and rub it like a ski pole. Your dad? Gay. Your priest? Straight. @#%^ off and let me post. It's not true, it's all in good fun. Now go away.