what is it about weddings that make even usually sane women completely insane?
A wedding is comprised of three distinct periods.
The first period, Prewedding
is the time period between the day of engagement and the start of the wedding festivities. It's characterized by mood swings, excessive shopping and weight gain. This is the most difficult time for the new-to-be wife. She feels challenged while also feeling unworthy. She strives for perfection but always finds it just out of reach. Illicit drugs are used with great success - in fact, you might want to experiment with shrooms.
The second stage is dramatically marked by a complete change in personality. When the planning is over and just as the festivities are going to begin the prebride is suddenly racked with indecision. She starts to question her colors, the guest list, the menu, even her choice of husband. This is a short stage, but critical stage. I recommend continuing the regiment of brightly colored pills and funny shaped fungi, but add to it a shot of Bacardi 151. It's critical that she be completely unaware of all that is or isn't happening.
The third stage begins after the wedding festivities actually begin. This stage is marked by a content sloppy drunk drugged women. She no longer cares a lick about the sitting arrangement of even the toilet paper trailing off your shoe. I'd take full advantage of this stage. Get as many blowjobs from her as you can in this short time period, cuz you know what will happend after the wedding is over......
Why does my argument that we should try to be more frugal on the wedding but go to a memorable location on the honeymoon fall on deaf ears?
That doesn't make any sense. it's like asking the nation to decide between feeding the children or watching the Ellen show. In other words that two are not mutually exclusive. Pony up mister.
In other wedding news, twenty eight years ago tomorrow I ran off with this poor schmuck and suckered him into marrying me. We eloped. I'd recommend it.