Uglysasquatch wrote:
Elinda wrote:
But, it this a recent phenomenon? Are people more self-absorbed now than in the past?
How am I supposed to rate Alma up when he's not posting?!
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How would I know? I'm not 200 like you.
How am I supposed to rate Alma up when he's not posting?!
Alma wrote:
I lost my post
At work today, I caught myself thanking a lady who called right before I hung up. After I hung up, I stared at the phone for a second and wondered why I was thanking someone for calling a wrong number.
etiquette maven Cindy Post Senning wrote:
"The principles of respect, consideration and honesty are universal and timeless," she says. But "manners change over time and from culture to culture."
Having read literature from over several centuries, and presuming they represent everyday behaviour for the era they are written in, and being a history minor and buff, I've developed a personal thesis. The more personal danger you are in from another person getting cross and attacking you (flooring you/maiming/killing you) over it, the more elaborate the language of courtesy, and the more tightly observed the social hierarchy. As borders broaden, and as laws of protection broaden, and especially as actual enforcement of public safety broaden and take hold, every day language becomes less elaborate and ornate in courtesy. Your flattering, soothing words no longer are all that stand between you and getting a sword or dagger in the stomach or a whack on the head.
My thesis is, the more relaxed the language, the more personally safe the members feel.
Belkira wrote:
At work today, I caught myself thanking a lady who called right before I hung up. After I hung up, I stared at the phone for a second and wondered why I was thanking someone for calling a wrong number.
That's easy. You were using a civil platitude that was technically logically incorrect to use right there, but was perfectly useful to convey the meaning: "you've used my time and attention on a mistake you made, but I don't want you to feel bad about it, because it was a perfectly understandable mistake to make, most people make it at least once, gee, I make that mistake myself sometimes, and I don't want you to feel bad about making it today with me."
Edited, Mar 24th 2012 1:10am by Aripyanfar
You'll need to cope with a longer post >.<
Edited, Mar 24th 2012 1:09am by Aripyanfar
Edited, Mar 24th 2012 1:09am by Aripyanfar
Boston doesn't exactly have the nicest people, but we're Southern Charmers compared to New Yorkers.
"The Rich are there to take all of the money & pay none of the taxes, the middle class is there to do all the work and pay all the taxes, and the poor are there to scare the crap out of the middle class." -George Carlin
There's another factor in difference of manners between regions. Humans need personal space, and in very crowded conditions, we try and give privacy and mental breathing room to each other by ignoring each other harder the closer we are packed together. We don't want to greet 250 strangers walking down a block, and the next block, and the block after that. But if daily we see only one or two people in the space of 10 sunny blocks, it can be nice to give short pleasantries to strangers.
That actually makes a lot of sense Ari. I've been reading "The Help" the last few days, and it's downright disturbing how polite Aibileen is to her boss and her boss's friend. Especially when it comes to the bathroom situation. Compare that to the stereotype of black people now. Most of the black people I've met don't act any differently from anyone else, but Oregon also doesn't really have much culturally diversity thanks to sundown laws that weren't repealed until the 60's or 70's.
catwho wrote:
Heck, I've adopted the Canadian phrase "thank you kindly" in some of my written correspondence because it just sounds friendlier.
idiggory, King of Bards wrote:
I abhor writing emails. I really do. I always come off as super stuffy and professional, even in situations where more casual exchanges are perfectly okay, because I just don't know how to navigate the line between the two. I usually end up re-reading them multiple times to actually edit out some of the overly polite language, because I end up sounding like I'm writing it from the 1800s...
Aripyanfar wrote:
We don't want to greet 250 strangers walking down a block, and the next block, and the block after that. But if daily we see only one or two people in the space of 10 sunny blocks, it can be nice to give short pleasantries to strangers.
Alma wrote:
I lost my post
Elinda wrote:
Aripyanfar wrote:
We don't want to greet 250 strangers walking down a block, and the next block, and the block after that. But if daily we see only one or two people in the space of 10 sunny blocks, it can be nice to give short pleasantries to strangers.
This is a bit of a copout, but I would think it would depend on how pressed for time you feel in the moment. Of course there's the social following phenomenon, where you start copying how other people behave in similar situations. I'm not on Facebook very often, and never on Twitter, so I don't know what's customary there. But being on the internet and using phone texts has certainly changed my language when I'm talking to a specific person or group via skype, or guildchat or whatever.
I was stymied the other day, fixing the time for an appointment with one of my frequently seen doctors using texts. Everyone else I text are very close family members, and I almost always end up with <3, or xoxo, or something like that. My impulse to finish my text to the doctor with <3 or xxoo was so strong, and yet so obviously inappropriate, that I wound up finishing it with: Your Patient, [Ari]
Aripyanfar wrote:
This is a bit of a copout, but I would think it would depend on how pressed for time you feel in the moment.
Alma wrote:
I lost my post
I would fall back on my thesis in my first post in the thread. The safer you feel in society, the more relaxed the language. Even in a business setting, I'd be surprised if your emails weren't more informal with people who feel like your peers, but your emails get more formal if you are talking to higher ups who you feel hold your job in their hands. I've not had access to a lot of business emails though, so I don't know if that process bears out in reality.
My work emails are all essentially automated.
George Carlin wrote:
I think it’s the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
Aripyanfar wrote:
etiquette maven Cindy Post Senning wrote:
"The principles of respect, consideration and honesty are universal and timeless," she says. But "manners change over time and from culture to culture."
Having read literature from over several centuries, and presuming they represent everyday behaviour for the era they are written in, and being a history minor and buff, I've developed a personal thesis. The more personal danger you are in from another person getting cross and attacking you (flooring you/maiming/killing you) over it, the more elaborate the language of courtesy, and the more tightly observed the social hierarchy. As borders broaden, and as laws of protection broaden, and especially as actual enforcement of public safety broaden and take hold, every day language becomes less elaborate and ornate in courtesy. Your flattering, soothing words no longer are all that stand between you and getting a sword or dagger in the stomach or a whack on the head.
This was what I was going to post. Well, actually, I was going to post 'rituals of etiquette are most strictly adhered to in primitive societies' and see if I offended anyone, Iddigory maybe, with my choice of language.
But it looks like that ship has sailed. Or is sailing right now, as I explain my plan.
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