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#1 Mar 23 2012 at 8:54 AM Rating: Good
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Are we becoming a ruder society?

Maybe it's just a Southern thing, but everyone around here is ridiculously polite.

Heck, I've adopted the Canadian phrase "thank you kindly" in some of my written correspondence because it just sounds friendlier.
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#2 Mar 23 2012 at 9:02 AM Rating: Good
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I can't speak for every other Canadian, but i only use that phrase when being intentionally goofy.

And I beleive as a whole, all of NA is becoming ruder. When we have our wits about us, sure we're all polite, but most people are so self absorbed usually, that they don't even realize they were being rude to someone else.
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#3 Mar 23 2012 at 9:05 AM Rating: Excellent
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I've not noticed a reduction in pleases or thank yous. Though, I've always thought them over-used and often lacking sincerity.
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#4 Mar 23 2012 at 9:06 AM Rating: Good
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The south is quite a bit polite than the Northeast. It's actually somewhat unnerving. Like how they don't avoid eye contact with strangers...

In the NE, it's a sign of respect to give people their space.

Frankly, I don't want to have a conversation with the cashier about what I'm going to be using the groceries for. I always say please and thank you, and I always hold the door for other people. Beyond that, though, I don't really see the issue.
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#5 Mar 23 2012 at 9:11 AM Rating: Good
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Uglysasquatch wrote:
When we have our wits about us, sure we're all polite, but most people are so self absorbed usually, that they don't even realize they were being rude to someone else.
But, it this a recent phenomenon? Are people more self-absorbed now than in the past?

I agree that all our modern communication technologies have presented some challenges with traditional manners, politeness and over-all respect, but that seems to go deeper than simply leaving out the obligatory 'please/thank you'.


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#6 Mar 23 2012 at 9:12 AM Rating: Good
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I blame the previous generation for not raising the current one properly. You bastards.
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#7 Mar 23 2012 at 9:14 AM Rating: Excellent
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Please, may I blame the previous generation for not raising the current one properly? Thanks, you bastards.
ftfy
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#8 Mar 23 2012 at 9:16 AM Rating: Excellent
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I'm pretty bad with please. I'll say something more like "would it be alright if I sat down?" or "can I just sneak past you real quick?" or something. Thank you sounds too formal; "thanks" or "thanks a bunch" or "thanks I appreciate it" come more commonly. We're not really known for formalities out here in the Northwest though.

Other people I notice tend to be polite when addressed, and silent if they can at all get away with it. Which tends to lead to a weird annoying passive-aggressive aloofness at times. That's enough qualifiers in one sentence I think.
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#9 Mar 23 2012 at 9:22 AM Rating: Excellent
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Sounds like an article by someone who didn't get drooled on like a god for getting a cup of coffee from Starbucks staff.
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#10 Mar 23 2012 at 9:23 AM Rating: Excellent
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I work out in Small Town USA these days so everyone seems nice. I'd like to think it's legitimate since I feel as though I'm nicer and it's legit.

When my mother-in-law visited from Virginia, I was surprised to hear that she thought people in Chicago were nicer and more polite than those from back home. Of course she's from the DC area so it's not really "down south" for her over there.
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#11 Mar 23 2012 at 9:27 AM Rating: Good
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Elinda wrote:
But, it this a recent phenomenon? Are people more self-absorbed now than in the past?
How would I know? I'm not 200 like you.
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#12 Mar 23 2012 at 9:47 AM Rating: Excellent
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idiggory, King of Bards wrote:
The south is quite a bit more polite than the Northeast. It's actually somewhat unnerving.
I don't know about unnerving, but it sounds like someone is lying to my face and I simply can't stand it. At least when someone calls me an asshole I know that's how they feel at the moment.
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#13 Mar 23 2012 at 10:19 AM Rating: Good
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When I started learning Japanese, I started saying "no problem" a lot more instead of "thank you", since it seems that's one of the first English phrases they learn. I really have almost eliminated "you're welcome", I feel like "you're welcome" indicates that I went out of my way to do a service for you, where "no problem" implies that it was no effort at all.

I also feel like I don't say please either. "Would you mind if..." or "Is it alright if I asked..." or similar words replace "please" in my sentences. I think I rationalize it similarly. I feel like I'm asking if someone is okay with doing something, instead of just flat asking them to do it. I don't know. I'm 25, I don't feel like I'm out of the norm. Also, I live in the middle of the midwest, if there are people who think Chicago has nice people, Des Moines must be Candycane Lane.
#14 Mar 23 2012 at 10:39 AM Rating: Excellent
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Bless y'all's hearts.
#15 Mar 23 2012 at 10:52 AM Rating: Excellent
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Eat me, ya mook.
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#16 Mar 23 2012 at 11:37 AM Rating: Excellent
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lolgaxe wrote:
idiggory, King of Bards wrote:
The south is quite a bit more polite than the Northeast. It's actually somewhat unnerving.
I don't know about unnerving, but it sounds like someone is lying to my face and I simply can't stand it. At least when someone calls me an asshole I know that's how they feel at the moment.


Half the time we are lying to your face. Smiley: nod
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I can't understand anyone who skips the cutscenes of a Final Fantasy game. That's like going to Texas and not getting barbecue.

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#17 Mar 23 2012 at 11:56 AM Rating: Excellent
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Ooo! I just used the word please in an e-mail. Go me! Smiley: yippee
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#18 Mar 23 2012 at 12:16 PM Rating: Good
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I abhor writing emails. I really do. I always come off as super stuffy and professional, even in situations where more casual exchanges are perfectly okay, because I just don't know how to navigate the line between the two. I usually end up re-reading them multiple times to actually edit out some of the overly polite language, because I end up sounding like I'm writing it from the 1800s...
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#19 Mar 23 2012 at 12:25 PM Rating: Good
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It can be quite amusing, but with the right annunciation, you can say "****" in a way which makes it sound like you're saying "cheers". Most people are expecting you to say "cheers", so it's what they hear. Good times.
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#20 Mar 23 2012 at 1:06 PM Rating: Excellent
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Nilatai wrote:
It can be quite amusing, but with the right annunciation, you can say "****" in a way which makes it sound like you're saying "cheers". Most people are expecting you to say "cheers", so it's what they hear. Good times.

Another reason why no one likes cockneys.
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#21 Mar 23 2012 at 2:39 PM Rating: Excellent
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catwho wrote:
lolgaxe wrote:
idiggory, King of Bards wrote:
The south is quite a bit more polite than the Northeast. It's actually somewhat unnerving.
I don't know about unnerving, but it sounds like someone is lying to my face and I simply can't stand it. At least when someone calls me an asshole I know that's how they feel at the moment.


Half the time we are lying to your face. Smiley: nod

Yeah, never trust a southerner saying "Bless your heart" or if they call you precious.
#22 Mar 23 2012 at 2:47 PM Rating: Excellent
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Fuck you.
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#23 Mar 23 2012 at 2:49 PM Rating: Good
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idiggory, King of Bards wrote:
Nilatai wrote:
It can be quite amusing, but with the right annunciation, you can say "****" in a way which makes it sound like you're saying "cheers". Most people are expecting you to say "cheers", so it's what they hear. Good times.

Another reason why no one likes cockneys.

Good thing I'm not a cockney, then. Smiley: tongue
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WARs can use semi-colons however we want. I once killed a guy with a semi-colon.

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ODESNT MATTER CAUSE I HAVE ALCHOLOL IN MY VEINGS BETCH ;3
#24 Mar 23 2012 at 2:54 PM Rating: Excellent
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Nadenu wrote:
catwho wrote:
lolgaxe wrote:
idiggory, King of Bards wrote:
The south is quite a bit more polite than the Northeast. It's actually somewhat unnerving.
I don't know about unnerving, but it sounds like someone is lying to my face and I simply can't stand it. At least when someone calls me an asshole I know that's how they feel at the moment.
Half the time we are lying to your face. Smiley: nod
Yeah, never trust a southerner saying "Bless your heart" or if they call you precious.
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#25 Mar 23 2012 at 3:11 PM Rating: Excellent
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if there are people who think Chicago has nice people, Des Moines must be Candycane Lane.

Or DC is a maelstrom of petty anger and rudene--- OOHhhhhhhhhhh........
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#26 Mar 23 2012 at 5:29 PM Rating: Good
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lolgaxe wrote:
Nadenu wrote:
catwho wrote:
lolgaxe wrote:
idiggory, King of Bards wrote:
The south is quite a bit more polite than the Northeast. It's actually somewhat unnerving.
I don't know about unnerving, but it sounds like someone is lying to my face and I simply can't stand it. At least when someone calls me an asshole I know that's how they feel at the moment.
Half the time we are lying to your face. Smiley: nod
Yeah, never trust a southerner saying "Bless your heart" or if they call you precious.


You can trust meeeeeeeee. Smiley: bah
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Thayos wrote:
I can't understand anyone who skips the cutscenes of a Final Fantasy game. That's like going to Texas and not getting barbecue.

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#27 Mar 23 2012 at 5:58 PM Rating: Good
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Uglysasquatch wrote:
Elinda wrote:
But, it this a recent phenomenon? Are people more self-absorbed now than in the past?
How would I know? I'm not 200 like you.

Smiley: mad

How am I supposed to rate Alma up when he's not posting?!
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#28 Mar 23 2012 at 10:58 PM Rating: Excellent
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At work today, I caught myself thanking a lady who called right before I hung up. After I hung up, I stared at the phone for a second and wondered why I was thanking someone for calling a wrong number.
#29 Mar 23 2012 at 11:00 PM Rating: Excellent
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etiquette maven Cindy Post Senning wrote:
"The principles of respect, consideration and honesty are universal and timeless," she says. But "manners change over time and from culture to culture."

Having read literature from over several centuries, and presuming they represent everyday behaviour for the era they are written in, and being a history minor and buff, I've developed a personal thesis. The more personal danger you are in from another person getting cross and attacking you (flooring you/maiming/killing you) over it, the more elaborate the language of courtesy, and the more tightly observed the social hierarchy. As borders broaden, and as laws of protection broaden, and especially as actual enforcement of public safety broaden and take hold, every day language becomes less elaborate and ornate in courtesy. Your flattering, soothing words no longer are all that stand between you and getting a sword or dagger in the stomach or a whack on the head.

My thesis is, the more relaxed the language, the more personally safe the members feel.
Belkira wrote:
At work today, I caught myself thanking a lady who called right before I hung up. After I hung up, I stared at the phone for a second and wondered why I was thanking someone for calling a wrong number.

That's easy. You were using a civil platitude that was technically logically incorrect to use right there, but was perfectly useful to convey the meaning: "you've used my time and attention on a mistake you made, but I don't want you to feel bad about it, because it was a perfectly understandable mistake to make, most people make it at least once, gee, I make that mistake myself sometimes, and I don't want you to feel bad about making it today with me."

Edited, Mar 24th 2012 1:10am by Aripyanfar
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#30 Mar 23 2012 at 11:07 PM Rating: Good
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You'll need to cope with a longer post >.<

Edited, Mar 24th 2012 1:09am by Aripyanfar
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#31 Mar 23 2012 at 11:17 PM Rating: Good
Boston doesn't exactly have the nicest people, but we're Southern Charmers compared to New Yorkers.
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#32 Mar 24 2012 at 7:37 AM Rating: Excellent
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There's another factor in difference of manners between regions. Humans need personal space, and in very crowded conditions, we try and give privacy and mental breathing room to each other by ignoring each other harder the closer we are packed together. We don't want to greet 250 strangers walking down a block, and the next block, and the block after that. But if daily we see only one or two people in the space of 10 sunny blocks, it can be nice to give short pleasantries to strangers.
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#33 Mar 24 2012 at 8:01 AM Rating: Good
That actually makes a lot of sense Ari. I've been reading "The Help" the last few days, and it's downright disturbing how polite Aibileen is to her boss and her boss's friend. Especially when it comes to the bathroom situation. Compare that to the stereotype of black people now. Most of the black people I've met don't act any differently from anyone else, but Oregon also doesn't really have much culturally diversity thanks to sundown laws that weren't repealed until the 60's or 70's.
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#34 Mar 26 2012 at 6:04 AM Rating: Good
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catwho wrote:
Heck, I've adopted the Canadian phrase "thank you kindly" in some of my written correspondence because it just sounds friendlier.
I usually say that to employees who help me at stores or on the phone. Didn't know it was a Canadian thing, though.

idiggory, King of Bards wrote:
I abhor writing emails. I really do. I always come off as super stuffy and professional, even in situations where more casual exchanges are perfectly okay, because I just don't know how to navigate the line between the two. I usually end up re-reading them multiple times to actually edit out some of the overly polite language, because I end up sounding like I'm writing it from the 1800s...
Never had problems with those, personally. I always write just as I would talk to the person I'm addressing, complete with written out drawl and often rife with contractions and grammar errors.
#35 Mar 26 2012 at 7:34 AM Rating: Good
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Aripyanfar wrote:
We don't want to greet 250 strangers walking down a block, and the next block, and the block after that. But if daily we see only one or two people in the space of 10 sunny blocks, it can be nice to give short pleasantries to strangers.
Do you think that our increased interactions with people due to techno-ease should give cause to fewer or more succinct pleasantries?


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#36 Mar 27 2012 at 11:39 AM Rating: Good
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Elinda wrote:
Aripyanfar wrote:
We don't want to greet 250 strangers walking down a block, and the next block, and the block after that. But if daily we see only one or two people in the space of 10 sunny blocks, it can be nice to give short pleasantries to strangers.
Do you think that our increased interactions with people due to techno-ease should give cause to fewer or more succinct pleasantries?

This is a bit of a copout, but I would think it would depend on how pressed for time you feel in the moment. Of course there's the social following phenomenon, where you start copying how other people behave in similar situations. I'm not on Facebook very often, and never on Twitter, so I don't know what's customary there. But being on the internet and using phone texts has certainly changed my language when I'm talking to a specific person or group via skype, or guildchat or whatever.

I was stymied the other day, fixing the time for an appointment with one of my frequently seen doctors using texts. Everyone else I text are very close family members, and I almost always end up with <3, or xoxo, or something like that. My impulse to finish my text to the doctor with <3 or xxoo was so strong, and yet so obviously inappropriate, that I wound up finishing it with: Your Patient, [Ari]
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#37 Mar 27 2012 at 11:50 AM Rating: Good
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Aripyanfar wrote:

This is a bit of a copout, but I would think it would depend on how pressed for time you feel in the moment.
But it's not just your time as the author that enters into the equation. Do you want to receive a whole swab of electronic messages that are weighted down with superfluous pleasantries?
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#38 Mar 27 2012 at 11:56 AM Rating: Good
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I would fall back on my thesis in my first post in the thread. The safer you feel in society, the more relaxed the language. Even in a business setting, I'd be surprised if your emails weren't more informal with people who feel like your peers, but your emails get more formal if you are talking to higher ups who you feel hold your job in their hands. I've not had access to a lot of business emails though, so I don't know if that process bears out in reality.
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#39 Mar 28 2012 at 7:25 AM Rating: Good
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My work emails are all essentially automated.
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#40 Mar 29 2012 at 4:52 PM Rating: Decent
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Aripyanfar wrote:
etiquette maven Cindy Post Senning wrote:
"The principles of respect, consideration and honesty are universal and timeless," she says. But "manners change over time and from culture to culture."

Having read literature from over several centuries, and presuming they represent everyday behaviour for the era they are written in, and being a history minor and buff, I've developed a personal thesis. The more personal danger you are in from another person getting cross and attacking you (flooring you/maiming/killing you) over it, the more elaborate the language of courtesy, and the more tightly observed the social hierarchy. As borders broaden, and as laws of protection broaden, and especially as actual enforcement of public safety broaden and take hold, every day language becomes less elaborate and ornate in courtesy. Your flattering, soothing words no longer are all that stand between you and getting a sword or dagger in the stomach or a whack on the head.


This was what I was going to post. Well, actually, I was going to post 'rituals of etiquette are most strictly adhered to in primitive societies' and see if I offended anyone, Iddigory maybe, with my choice of language.

But it looks like that ship has sailed. Or is sailing right now, as I explain my plan.
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